Dear China, Thanks for Stealing my Pastor

'Stealing.' Maybe that was a bit harsh. But just let the record show that that is an honest reflection of my attitude when I first heard about their future endeavors to that far away place, initially of course.

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July 10th, 2016 was the last Sunday that our previous Senior pastor and his wife attended our church prior to leaving for China.

When this adventure was still in the works, when I was first made aware of it being quite a possibility, God willing, I had quite mixed feelings. Here is why.

1) I am selfish.

2) I was in awe.

3) Still in awe.

4) I was so incredibly excited for them and their future plans, this big, crazy, exciting step, that I couldn't even possibly think of anything more perfect for their next step in their lives together. (And obviously God agrees, as all has worked out so well thus far!) 

5) But still, I was selfish.


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Let's start at the beginning though, the first day I heard about 

this exciting new adventure in their life:

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March 13th, 2016
I remember that Sunday as if it were yesterday! Sunday school finished, and Marcia and Sarah were having a conversation about someone working for her in the nursery. I followed Sarah back there and told her after I ran the powerpoint for worship, I would be right down and replace her. She said something to the effect of, 'no, that's okay.' But of course I did it anyway! I love kids y'all, and would do it every single Sunday. 

As Pastor Steve began to close his sermon, I notice that Sarah gets real quiet, stands up close to the speaker to hear better, and then I overhear, "I am resigning as senior pastor...." I tell her, "Get out. Go out there." She is already in tears and I am about to be.  I couldn't make myself believe it to be true. My friend, wife, and their daughters were going to be moving at the end of the month. And now this news is thrown at me?? (see, selfish.) And by me, I mean, our church body, as a whole. No one was singled out. I am 99% sure I cried about it the very moment I learned about it. I was in the nursery, snuggling with some precious girls when what I thought to be a weird dream registered and started to return to reality. As that occurred, I just hugged those girls closer.

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I cried about it again when Pastor Steve spoke about it a couple Sundays before his last here as senior pastor. 
I teared up, every time someone at work or the grocery store asked me about it.
And again on July 10th, their last Sunday.
Ooops, yup. Yet again at their going away party. (Also July 10th).

Okay, you get it. I am an emotional wreck and a big cry baby.

I didn't cry because they were going to China. I didn't even cry because they were leaving. 
I cried because they wouldn't be here anymore. (There is a difference, I promise, but again, selfish reasons.) I cried thinking of the empty spot in the sanctuary, wondering who God would send our way. Knowing that no matter who was sent our way, that was who was supposed to be here, but still knowing they had some big shoes to fill. (No offense Pastor Steve.) Let's just say, the bar of expectation has been set pretttttty high.

But, on the reals. I am so excited for them. I know God has had His hand in all of the events leading up to this decision, and will continue to guide them on this exciting new adventure halfway across the world! I wrote a letter, to both of them (and then a short one to their whole family), things that I wanted to, and need to say to you, but you're gone now. So you get to be victims of one of my open letters, sorry not sorry.

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First, a message to Pastor Steve: 

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Pastor Steve,

You have been nothing but light in my life here in Ulysses. From the times I came to church with Susanna and Jonathan before I actually moved down here, until you left; you never made me feel anything less than welcome. You know how to make a person smile. I rarely saw you without one, and that alone helps raise spirits and form smiles in others around you, but on top of that you are a genuinely kind and God-serving man.

On numerous occasions you complimented me. About anything, my singing, my smile, my attitude, whatever it was that day, you found something. And, like you, I always sort of brushed it off. I am definitely never going to win an award for 'greatest at accepting compliments.' On your last Sunday, as I was hugging you for the 30th time at your going away party, you again told me in my ear, 'You are so awesome.' You know some of (what I consider to be) my darkest 'secrets.' Being a pastor kind of opens a door to a lot of people's darkest times in their lives. And you knew mine, at least the gist of it/them. And yet, you never once seemed to be 'judgy', or disproving. You always, always, always greeted me with open arms and a smile. And simply loved. You always show love wherever you go.



I also genuinely appreciate the many Sunday mornings when I would come early for prayer with you and our equally dedicated Pastor Bob. Every single Sunday you prayed for marriages, for keeping the marriage bed holy, etc. And almost every single Sunday, you also prayed for the singles in our church. (Me!) You prayed that God would bring a partner alongside, or if we were 'called to be single' that we would live for Him either way. You don't know this, but every single time you prayed for us 'singles' I wept. Every time. I struggle so much with trying to let go of past mistakes and lingering regrets, as well as find a happy medium between where and when to put myself out there and when to hold back a little, like maybe if I put a little more effort into it, I can rush God's revealing of the spouse He has planned for me. I struggle daily, with the fact that here I am still single and 25. I tell everyone I am old, because some days it feels that way. I sometimes get stuck in the lull that consists of sleeping, working, eating, and repeat. 

Sundays, especially with you, your wife, and daughter, always made for a great break from the 'lull.' And though they now will not consist of seeing you all every Sunday, and even though I work at least half of the Sundays each month, I still see it as a day of refuge, recharging, regenerating joy, and a day to be reminded of all that Christ did for me. 

Everything about you, even the Moses hair (LOL!) has been a great example of Jesus' love to me, this church, and our community. I say yes, even the 'Moses hair' because even with that, you have shown us that sometimes we do the things we do because of the love we have for those that love us. And if you can glorify God, by loving your wife and the fact that she loves your beard, then so be it, that is just perfect. Having attended the 'send-off' party for y'all, seeing how many other churches' pastors attended, and other people in the community, really opened my eyes even more to the oneness that you have liked about this community and it's churches.



Initially, when I heard y'all were leaving...it was seriously like, uh, the end of the world. At least my Ulysses world, as I knew it. I will miss your great attitude, and your incredibly vast knowledge of God's Word. I am beyond excited though, for your travels and experiences to and in China. As the days are crossed off the calendar, I can imagine you are more and more excited! You are awesome!

Praying for you always.

You are deeply missed already,
Rachael Ann

P.S. I apologize for calling it a 'man bun.'


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Now, for a message to his better half and perfect compliment:

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Dear sweet sweet Marcia,

In my mind, always the pastor's wife. But also, always the sister with whom I enjoyed several morning prayer coffees with. The sister who was not afraid to pipe up in Sunday school, about whatever topic we were addressing and learning about at the time. The sister who was always smiling. You are never afraid to be honest though. Sometimes while hugging you, I would ask how you were doing. Sometimes I got, 'great!' 'good!' etc. Sometimes you replied with, 'okay.' And that, though saddened my heart for you in that moment, gave me hope always. You are such a happy woman, with a joyous spirit, but even the happiest of people have 'okay' days too.

You have brought me so much joy, on numerous occasions. Your quirky sense of humor, brings nothing but smiles to anyone around experiencing it first hand. It is a perfect mix with the more serious, though less seen side of Marcia. But I love both sides. So keep em both around for sure. Your joy and loving manner are my favorite of all of your amazing qualities.

I did not get to spend as much time outside of Sunday mornings with you and your family as I would have liked to (thanks adulthood), but the times I did were always such a blessing. The numerous trips to Downtown, (which is closed now, super sad.) the times you guys would have us over for lunch, or cards, or whatever. Sunday night Bible studies, and the time I stopped by AWANA. But my most favorite memories, are from morning prayer coffee with you gals. And I am so sad that I was unable to attend the last several before y'all left. I loved hearing about how Steve did the laundry, or dishes, or made you breakfast, or coffee, and on the cold mornings, started your car for you. I loved hearing you talk about your spouse, and see your love for him shine in your eyes. 

I also remember before I really got to know you, camping at Meade Lake with you, Sarah, and Steve ( or as you sometimes refer to him as: Swannie). That was the first non-church event that I had ever attended with y'all. I remember walking over to the restrooms with these near strangers, and feeling just as welcome as if we were truly sisters. Thank you for that. That is one of the first, and one of my favorite memories with you! 

I have heard that being a Pastor's wife has it's challenges. No one can deny that. You maintain the part well. You are an amazing wife to Pastor Steve. You both compliment each other so insanely well. I could not imagine a better-matched couple. God knew what He was doing when He brought your two lives into intersection. It will be hard to picture life here at FBC without you. You have a way of bringing a smile to literally every face in the building. Life will be a little weirder without you than with you. But for as well as you played the part of 'pastor's wife', I am excited for you to delve into being God's daughter, Steve's wife, Caleb and Sarah's mom, and all your other titles, with some needed relief from your role as 'Pastor's Wife.' Though you never complained, and showed no sign of the burden, I know it was there. You are a smart woman, and being a student will continue to look just as good on you now as it did when you were 'the pastor's wife.'

If I can ever get a Tuesday night off, and am able to return to Wednesday morning prayer coffee with our sisters in Christ, I know it will be a different experience without you. Not better, not worse, just different. Your uplifting spirit will be missed! I have seen your contagious joy affect many people around me, always positively. I am excited for you to be able to share it with many others as you travel to China, and especially after you arrive. Can't wait to hear the stories of new friends, crazy adventures, and touched hearts. 

Praying for you always.

Love you so, and miss you already,
Rachael Ann

P.S. You are a rockstar Marcia!

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Like I said, I am selfish. Sometimes when hugging and visiting with Pastor Steve and Marcia each Sunday, I had to force some excitement for their plans out. Not always was it genuine. My second favorite family in Ulysses was going to pack up their life and move elsewhere. I have survived. It has only been a couple weeks. I have only been in church one Sunday since they started their adventure around the US to see family and friends before going to China. (I have only been once because I was on vacay in Michigan, [which I will blog about soon!] not because of a ripple effect of their leaving, causing me also to leave.) That one Sunday was just two days ago in fact, and it went well. We were also missing our worship leader, so as one could imagine, getting sound figured out (when the 2 people that ran it in the past were missing) was an adventure. One that we conquered like champs, might I add!

Anyway. Though life without Steve and Marcia is going to be different, and sometimes we get stuck in a comfortable rut and never want change, I am equally excited for what this change will bring the church, and what this change in their lives will bring for them. Ruts ain't good for anybody.

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So to Pastor Steve and his delightful and loving family,

I miss you. I don't hate China. I am so glad Gad has worked out everything thus far with your pre-adventuring. I love you all so much. Thank you for your impact while you were here, and for the impact you will continue to make, even though we will be continents and states apart. 

Could not thank you all enough for your impact in my life with 100 blog posts, but thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Praying for you always!

Forever missing the Spam Fam, and the Spam Fam van as well,
Rachael Ann

P.S. Where does that van reside now anyway?

   

'Tell me, what is it you plan to do with 

your one wild and precious life?' 

-poet Mary Oliver 


Don't forget to check out these not-so-random music video links I include with each blog post! 

I Will Follow ~ Chris Tomlin             10,000 Reasons ~ Matt Redman

Overwhelmed ~ Big Daddy Weave 

To the Friend I Never got to Say Goodbye To

Jacob,

I don't know what to write to you, because my heart is still broken.  I know that I loved you then, and I love you now. I can tell you that when I left my job in Hays, you were my favorite CNA to work alongside with, always there to help, always there to make me laugh when we had been having a long shift. Always there, way behind on charting just like me because we had been so busy, and willing to entertain me and make me laugh in an empty patient room while we stayed after our shift to catch up on that charting, which probably made the catching up on charting actually take much longer, but if you asked me then, I didn't care. If you ask me now, I will tell you I would go back and waste much more time with you if I could.

If you asked a patient, any patient you ever cared for, they would say you were a kindhearted gentleman, who did your best to make their stay enjoyable and as short as possible. And as much as I enjoyed working with you, I loved our time spent together outside of work even more. Our late afternoon walks, hours of playing basketball, swinging in the park, driving around.

You were never one to complain, which is probably why no one suspected anything like the outcome that came about after you went missing. You sure knew how to listen though, and I appreciated that, thank you. In fact, I find myself talking to you still sometimes. I wish your family would have left your Facebook profile up, it was just a little thing, and maybe it was too painful for them to see you in what we consider a big part of our lives now, on our technology that we let distract us from each other and the people and things that really matter, but I enjoyed being able to scroll through pictures of you, pictures of you doing things you loved with people you loved.

But you never let those distractions get in the way when we were together. You gave me all your attention, and I enjoyed it, I hope I returned the respect. You mom convinced herself that you were going to be found, you were going to open a random door for a random elderly lady, who was going to look up to your face to thank you, and recognize you, because you were that kind of person.

Your sisters, 16 and 14 at the time. I remember you always talking about them and how you being their brother, also tried to fill the role of being their father, because you had been raised without one most of your life, and didn't want them to have to go through that as well. And though I know they only saw you as their brother, they did nothing less than respect you and appreciate the time you made them priority in your life. As much as my heart is broken, I know they, at their young and vulnerable age, also have questions and doubts, and wish they could have done or said something to help. No child should have to bury their brother, I have been there and done that, but the circumstances were quite different.

I remember texting you the day before you went missing, our last conversation. I had been gone from Hays for months by this time, the times I had returned, whether for family obligation or to grab more stuff from my storage unit, it never worked out for us to get together. I wish I could say it was all your fault, but it was both of us, our schedules that we used to force to coincide, no longer did. I spent most of my days over a hundred miles away, but it felt like an eternity away.
 

The day before you took off in your uncle's vehicle. The day before you went and bought a gun and ammo. The day before you decided life wasn't worth living anymore. The day before I prayed for you for hours (or rather, days). The day before the end of your known life. I don't know what day you actually shot yourself, you were missing for 10. I don't know the thoughts going through your mind, but I can imagine utter and complete darkness and despair. I miss you. I remember the moment I found out. And oddly enough, I drove to the closest cemetery, and just wept. Sat there, on that chilly fall night, and just cried to God. The questions reeling through me, with answers to never be known. I went through all the stages of grief, but I definitely started out befuddled, with overwhelming questions, and then anger.

Anger at you, for not letting me in. Anger at you for not telling me what was really going on in your life and in your head. Anger at you for acting like everything was normal and fine, and asking me all about my life instead of answering my questions to you about yours with an honest heart. If you had told me, I would have come back to Hays the first day I had off, maybe even before. I would have listened, I wouldn't have judged, with you and I it was never about that. We accepted each other with all our imperfections.

I remember being so angry that everyone around me could just go on living, and expected me to do the same, even though I had just lost a best friend. Angry at God, because no one should ever have to go through this, not you, not I. Angry at Him because He didn't step in, because He let you buy that gun, because He let you drive to a field in the middle of no where where no one would find you soon enough to talk you out of killing yourself. I have never even contemplated taking the easy way out like you did, but I could never even if I wanted to.

I will forever wish I knew sooner how you were feeling. I can't even remember the last time I saw you for sure, but I remember every bit of our last conversation, because after I found out you were missing, I read it over and over again. And then after losing you, that was all I had of you. All that time we spent together and we don't even have a picture together. But Jacob, your face will never leave me. I will never forget your hugs, your voice, your always hilarious snaps.

I could never kill myself, because I know that my family members expect me in their lives. I am important to them, as were you to me. My father needs to walk me down the aisle, my mother needs to hold my hand while I am laboring my first child into this world. My God needs me to stay on this earth until He decides my time is done, His plan for me complete. 

11 days.

The number of days from the last time I talked to you to the day your body was found in a pasture with self-inflicted GSW. 10 days, the number of days you were missing.  1 day, the amount of time it took for you to go from telling me we were going to hang out when I came to Hays 24 days later, to deciding life was not worth it anymore. 9 days, the amount of time from your last credit card charge, until your family's hopes were raised with news you had been found, then crushed while being informed of the lifeless state your body was in when located under a tree near a pond.

The only thing that kept me going after hearing about your body being found, was remembering the times we talked about God, and my resting assured that you knew my Savior, and had asked Him into your heart, hope that those talks were genuine and honest. And though you didn't always walk the walk or talk the talk, none of us always do, and I believe that someday I may run into you beyond those pearly gates.

If I could have said goodbye, I wouldn't have. I would never have granted your wish to let you do this and never see you again. I wouldn't have let you ask your uncle to borrow his car and a couple bucks. I wouldn't have let you go to that pawn shop for a gun, and then purchase some ammo. No. I would not have said goodbye. I would have told you I loved you, I would have told you our friendship meant the world to me. I would have told you no matter what was going on, this is not the best answer. I would have told you to let me in, let me in your heart, let me in your mind, let me care for you like you have so tenderly cared for everyone else around you. I would have told you that you matter. I would have told you how dark this world would be without the light you provided. I would have told you I needed you. I would have told you not to do it. I would have told you God never wanted your life to end this way. I would have told you I didn't want to walk this earth knowing you no longer shared it with me. I would have told you I didn't want to hurt, I didn't want to cry, I didn't want to permanently miss you. I wanted to be able to come back and have the missing of you resolved with a hang out sesh in Hays. I would have told you that I love you, best friend, and your life matters.

I miss you more than a fat kid at fat camp misses cake,

Rachael

What I Know-Tricia Brock watch the Youtube video here! I love this song, amongst all the questions that never feel answered, this I am sure of. You my God are real. <3

Do you ever feel like this?

“I try to take it one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.”
                                                                                                – Ashleigh Brilliant

Ain't that the truth. We all experience this at one time or another. We feel as though life is moving too quick, so we try to slow it down, by only committing to one thing here or one thing there, but then your car blows a tire, and then your friend's dog dies, and then your neighbor's mower eats your plant.

Literally, if it is not one thing, it's another.

You get caught up in life, your family wants to know when you are coming home again, your work wants to know if you are going to pick up some extra shifts due to the short staffing, and your poor roommate seems to be the only one taking out the trash (for that you apologize and appreciate).

Your body doesn't seem to be getting the attention it needs and deserves, not enough exercise, not enough watching what you eat, and not enough rest.

And that Bible, the one that hasn't left your car since Sunday? Well yup, your soul needs some TLC too.




Isn't it funny how life can just fly by, how we can be so busy, but the things that matter most, the things that would make life more enjoyable if we tended to them more often, those things are put aside with the thought that we will find more time somewhere to tend to them, and yet we feel bombarded with our crazy schedules.



Committing to less things in life may help, but also make sure that you are committing to things that leave you time for yourself, time to relax, time for Jesus, time for healing, time for sleep, time for taking care of your body, time to cook healthier meals if that is what it takes, time for walks, or the gym. God has let us borrow these bodies while we breathe here on earth, to use for His glory, to better His kingdom. Why not tend for them as He intends, physically, emotionally, and spiritually?

 

 

Breathe ~Jonny Diaz

My Tallest Regret

I have a regret, the tallest of all. One I will never forget, one that will never be surpassed. The greatest of my life, and one that has surely lingered. I have blogged before about being content and having given it all to God, but the truth is, whether it be my fault or Satan's, this one thing has never left my mind. There is nothing I can imagine ever doing that could top this sin, but then again that is what I would have said about the last thing I had regret most before this. That's also what I would have said if anyone would have ever said they could imagine me doing what I have done. 

Torment, rage, tears, shame. 

That pretty much sums up the last 5 months of my existence. I blame no one but myself, but this is the truth. 

This post shall remain vague, to protect those that I hurt, but know that I will forever be ashamed of what I have done, and will forever be sorry for the relationships I took advantage of and thus ruined, causing them to end abruptly. 

In the past I have always said that I live with no regrets. I know that things I go through in life can be lived and forgotten, in fact that is most of my childhood, I have little to no memory of most of it. I do not know why my memory of those times is faded to almost obsolete, but it has. That comes as quite upsetting to my father, whilst reminiscing together, that I can never remember the cute little stories he tells me. Some days I am so sure that when he tells me a cute story, it will strike up a memory in my little brain, but not so much. Call it some early and quite serious Alzheimer's if you will. It is legitimate, and I consider it a real hindrance sometimes. 

But now, I cannot seem to forget! It is not that I don't want to, though this is unusual for me, I never have wanted to forget much about life, I want to retain and remember it, I am tired of having no recall of moments, 'important' or not. But I mean, even the tiniest of tiny details, never leave my mind. The first time I felt offended by people saying things may be getting messy, and I need to be careful. The first time my father warned me not to get too close, because it would only end in hurt. The moment I read a letter from my momma, after all was said and done, and those that knew anything about any of these details in my life, knew this sin was not being partaken of anymore. I remember the rage I felt, and how mad I was that I was being stuck at work having to deal with the emotions rolling through me, 4am, unable to call my mom and ask why, unable to call or text my sister or best friend to vent. I remember the pent up anger. 

Now thinking back, I do not feel sorry for myself, in fact in that moment, I didn't even feel sorry for myself, just anger. But now, I am sure I have caught a minute glimpse of what I inflicted upon the people I love who suffered due to the sin I was in. 

I know that as I read my Bible more, as I pray more, as I hang around and absorb the wisdom of those who have been Christians longer than I, such as those peers I admire most in church, I know that this will someday too be moved to the 'not regrets' pile in my memory bank. 

Someday this will be easier to talk about, someday this will be easier to share, in hopes of helping someone else through what I have put myself and some close friends through. I know this will take a long time, and in fact, for me, may take longer than your average Christian woman, but I know, I just know, He has a plan for me. Sometimes it takes some self-convincing. 

Sometimes I doubt myself, my faith in God. I don't doubt His ability to help me in the ways He best sees fit, I just doubt myself. I doubt my ability to ever talk about this situation with a smile, I doubt my ability to ever forgive myself. I doubt a lot of things, and in doing so I know I am doubting God, but I also know that growth must happen in order to overcome these doubts. Spiritual and emotional growth, and both must be worked at to attain, and both impossible without His hand in my life. 

I believe that there is a lesson for every hard time we face in life, and I have learned not only one, but numerous, beginning with this:

Healing comes with the rain just as much as the sunshine, be patient and trust God. 

If you find yourself failing, maybe miserably so, and maybe in repetition, you are not alone. I am right there with you, and have been for quite some time. You know the struggle is real, as do I, but let's not continue to resist God's helping hand in this, let us pray and seriously seek His guidance and helping hand in our healing and restoration. I read a quote today that said, (paraphrasing) {Don't pray a 10 cent prayer and expect a million dollar answer, you have to work at it.} How? Pray harder, pray more frequent, pray honestly, pray willfully, pray to a knowing God, pour out your heart, empty all of it's contents for Him to examine and reassemble as He wishes in His time.  


Don't pray wistfully, pray diligently.


'If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.' 1 John 1:9 (NKJV)

'Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, (14) I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.' Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)

 

"I am a mess I am a wrecking ball,

I must admit that I still don't get it all." 

- Press On-Building 429  <--click to watch the music video   
 

"Mom"

As a dear friend of mine anxiously awaits the birth of her daughter (due date is tomorrow July 15th), the song below comes to mind. All children are a gift from heaven, and I dedicate this blog to that precious bundle of joy, her mother, and all you mothers out there. Though the anticipation is killing those two lovebirds, I know this baby will come when she and God are ready for her to be in this "big blue ball."

Meet Your Mom-by Garth Brooks
(video link at bottom)
A little baby told God, "Hey, I'm kinda scared
Don't really know if I want to go down there
From here it looks like a little blue ball
That's a great big place and I'm so small"
"Why can't I just stay here with You
Did I make You mad, don't You want me too?"
God said, "Oh, child, of course I do
But there's somebody special waiting for you."
---
 So, hush now baby don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting
Whose only goal in life
Is makin' sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel, tender, tough and strong
It's almost time to go and meet your mom
---
You'll never have a better friend
Or a warmer touch to tuck you in
She'll kiss your bruises, your bumps and scrapes
And anytime you hurt, her heart's gonna break
---
 Now, when she's talking to you
Make sure you listen close
'Cause she's gonna teach you everything
You'll ever need to know
Like how to mind your manners
To love and laugh and dream
And she'll put you on the path
That'll bring you back to Me
---
So, hush now little baby don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting
Whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel, tender, tough and strong
Come on child
It's time to meet your mom.

That song is so fitting and applies to every Mom and child. Every mother only wants to best for their children, only wishes to soothe their pain, prays away their fears. Mothers are the best example of love and nurturing that God has given us on this earth.









---This is one of the Bible's most quoted and well-known passages on love, and who is a better example of the extent of love that is described in that passage than mothers?

---Mothers are a source of honor, goodness, and loveliness. As in all things pure and virtuous, we are encouraged to think upon such things.

 

 

---All of us, whether we are children, or are raising them, should remember to give honor to our mothers.

---This passage praises God as the giver of children, calls them a heritage and reward from on high.

---Mothers are models of compassion, they never forget their children, and in fact the children can typically be placed before themselves, putting their own needs behind those needs of their child.

---I still remember seeing a pregnancy progress for the first time, seeing the child grow in the mother's tummy, seeing the first sonogram, up until and following the birth of that precious miracle. The role that mothers have in this process is unimaginable and perfect.

---God compares himself here to a mother, bringing the incredible comforting ability of a mother to mind.

---What your mother teaches you should be cherished.

---As children typically spend a majority of their time with their mothers, they tend to be who they learn from most. Mothers are credited and blamed. Mothers suffer the brunt of the attitudes, see the most firsts, and all around influence the child, especially early in age, the most. Mothers are God's biggest blessings to all of us.
 

---This talks about how Christ loved and cared for His mother. This is a prime example and lesson on how we should treat and show love to our mothers.











So mothers, love your children, and children love your moms. They carried you inside their tummies for months, let you beat them literally on the inside. So learn from them, soak up their instruction, and do all that you can to please God through your love and respect for your mothers.


Video link for "Meet Your Mom" by Garth Brooks ---> here!

One to be Sought After

There has been all but a very short time of my life that I have been without companionship of the opposite sex. My one and only "official" relationship I have had with the opposite sex lasted six weeks I believe. That is hardly half a % of the amount of time I have spent on this earth. I see men, I see men all over, good looking, not-so-good looking, kind, not-so-kind, happy, depressed, elated, married, single, divorced, engaged. I see them. Sometimes I get to know them, sometimes not. Sometimes they seem like the type of person I would let have some of my time, sometimes not. Sometimes the ones that want my time are the ones I can't imagine wasting another breath with. And even sometimes, I meet them, get to know them a little, and can already imagine the rest of my life with them ( I am guilty of this).

BUT, all the while, deep down inside, I wish that I had found my one and only, found that man to throw a ring on my finger and grab hold of my heart forever. Someone to stand by me, encourage me to grow in my faith with God, and want to get to know me more and more everyday. Someone who puts God first. Someone with a compassionate heart and a kind voice. Someone willing to put up with all of the mess that makes up who I am. Someone willing to help me clean it up when I get messier. Someone who will be just as crazy as I am all the time, someone lighthearted, someone that loves being outside, someone that enjoys spending time with family, someone willing to go to the ends of the earth to ensure that his family is provided for. Someone to stick up for me, someone to rub my back after a long day. Someone to hold me, just because. Someone to share all my dreams and fears with. Someone to pray with daily. The one I am to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who fears God daily, and teaches our children the same. A man after God's own heart.

I recently had a conversation with some co-workers. We talked about me being single, if I am looking, and if so what "type" of guy I am looking for. My stipulations were, "He has to have nice teeth, and be at least a cm taller than me. He can't be too much overweight because that will just scream laziness. And he needs to go to church, he needs to know the God I know." Their response to this was "well, good luck. You're too picky! What about having a job?"

Now thinking back, I am just like whoa! Firstly, I don't anticipate finding an unsaved man, but maybe that is God's plan. Maybe He threw me down here on earth to show this one man whom He has intended for me to marry, His love, and strike up a curiosity in him to invite the Holy Spirit in and take over. But more importantly, why was God and said man's relationship with Him my last stipulation? Newsflash, Rachael. Not only should that be priority, but that should be the only priority. As I sit here, and attempt to mature as I age, (this will be a forever process...I don't anticipate ever being as mature as my age says I should be) I have had my eyes opened to this.

I was reading in Job 31* tonight, and there, there is where I found the guy I want. I want a man of integrity, one who stands in God's promises. A man who commits to personal purity, who reflects justice in all dealings, who gives generously to others. A man of God who shows compassion to all. A man who sets Godly priorities in life. A man who lives out his faith in God, doesn't just throw it on his shirt sleeve, to show to whomever he thinks needs to see it. A man who forgives others, no matter the wrong. A man who opens his home to those in need, who walks with the Lord. A man who seeks to do right. This, this is the man I should search and long for. A man worthy of being sought after.

So, I will be picky. I will not lower my standards. I will stand by my choice to remain pure until I find my future mister. I will wait, on the Lord, I will wait. I will wait for His perfect plan and timing. As patiently as possible, I will wait on Him. My prayers have changed from Lord show me this man whom you want for me to marry (like, ASAP), to Lord, I pray for my future husband today, that You would guide his heart, and bring Him closer to You as we both wait on each other. I know You have a will, God, and where there is a will there is a way, and Your way is best, Your way is right.  <3





*Job 31:4-40 (KJV)

Life planner...is it me, or is it Him?

Sometimes God throws us curveballs. Sometimes He brings a person in our lives who need Him, who need us to show them Him through our lives. Sometimes God brings people into our lives that make us doubt our entire purpose in life, and make us wonder why He brought them. We know He does not bring people in to our lives to hurt us, but sometimes, hurt is exactly the outcome. Sometimes our hearts are so broken we wonder if it is even possible for it to be put back together. Sometimes the hurt is so deep, we want to wallow in it, think about our inadequacies and our wants and our own selfish needs. Sometimes it makes me so upset I just sit and cry.

I recently came upon a new song by Lauren Daigle, that totally describes my life; the struggles and situations at this time in my life. The song is called Trust in You. It talks about when God doesn't do things the way we think they need to go, when He doesn't tell us things we want to hear. That He knows the future, He has seen it, and that He is all we need to live. I literally find myself needing a reminder on a daily basis. A reminder that there is not a thing that has happened in my life, that He didn't plan, that He didn't already know was coming, that His timing is perfect. Not a breath I have taken without Him knowing. Sometimes the obstacles, they are there because He knows we need to be closer to Him. Sometimes the mountains are a reminder to trust in Him, that He has control.

Let us not forget our Maker, our Steady Hand. He is in control, He is our life planner. He makes the rules, He encourages us to follow them. He gives us the freedom to choose otherwise, but who would know more that which is better for us than the One that allows us to breathe our next breath.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW38n3NJxbc

How to Pray When You Can't Find the Words

Sometimes our hearts are too broken to find words, our minds too boggled, our emotions a wreck. You name it, any problem that comes about in our lives that leaves us at a loss for words when speaking to our Heavenly Father.  In Romans 8: 26, Paul tells us that the Holy Spirit intercedes, he says, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." The Holy Spirit dwells within us, after we have given our lives, our hearts, our souls over to Him. And thanks be to Him for that, as there have been several times, even just this year, when I have sat, either in my car, in my room, in church, or outside in His awesomeness, and just sat. I could not find the words to say, I could not make sense out of what was running through my mind, what was going on in my life, what was going on around me..so I just sat. And I find comfort in this verse, knowing that God is hearing what He knows I need Him to hear, as the Holy Spirit intercedes for me.

It is at those times that I am at my weakest, and am reminded of a verse found in 2 Corinthians 12:9, again this is Paul writing here, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (Paul continues) "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." Everyone faces hard times, everyone has bad days, everyone has had struggles in their past, and will in their future, God watched His only Son be crucified and mocked on a cross, no battle that you face today is beyond what He can handle, what He can control.

God did not make us like Him, He did not make us all-powerful, completely able to handle ruling an entire world, an entire universe. He did not give us the ability to walk on water, or any other unattainable act. He gave us life, and a reason to live it, for Him, to bring Him the glory, all these battles we face daily, these challenges, will come to pass. He has a plan, and He already wrote the ending, so just fill in each chapter as you face each day, and give every struggle, every battle over to the One who brought them upon you and who will help you overcome.  And remember, when you can't find the words to say, the Holy Spirit dwells within you, and will let God know everything He needs to know. In 1 Peter 5 vs 7 it says, "cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." No matter what, He is there, He is listening, He is always in control. Lift your concerns, your sadness, your doubt, everything. Give it to Him. He. Cares.

To My Future Mister

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. ~Dr. Suess

 I'm single because I choose to be, I'm single because I'm waiting. I'm single because I'm choosing to wait. ~Jamie Grace      I think I would add to that factual and bold statement, that I am single, because I am waiting for God to fulfill His promises to me, in His time.

for

 "Blessed is she who has believed the Lord would fulfill His promises to her." ~Luke 1:45

Not a day goes by that I don't pray for my future Mister.  I believe with fervent prayer for my future Mister, our marriage and our relationship will be that much more blessed.

Hebrews 13:5 "Let your conversations be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."  I pray each day, that I will not covet that which He has not planned for me to have in my life, that I will seek to cherish any and all relationships, from this point on, friendships and dating alike. That I will be patient and seek His will with each and every person that I come into contact with.

I Corinthians 10:13 "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." This brings me much encouragement, for I know that temptation will forever be there, God says it is so, and I see it all the time, all around me, but Praise Him for He makes it bearable, He gives us the ability to withstand it, with Him by our side all things are possible. I pray that I and my future Mister are able to stand by each other and help each other along with God's assistance in withstanding any temptations that come our way and fighting off the devil's attempts at making our relationship falter and stray from God.

Psalm 46:1 "God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in trouble." I seek diligently to trust in God when trouble seems to be seeking me out. When obstacles make themselves very known in this walk with Him, when I feel that I will be single for the rest of time, when the doubts arise, when I am insecure. I remember this, that He is there, He is capable of all things, and He loves me.

1 Peter 3:7 "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." I do not want to be able to say that I am the reason my husband is unhappy. I want my heart and spiritual walk to be so prepared for marriage, that we are constantly helping each other improve and be closer with Him, receiving His grace together, and acknowledging and appreciating it.

Colossians 3:19 "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." I know that in every relationship strife is inevitable. Fights will happen, we are not the exact same person, we won't think exactly alike about everything that comes up in our lives. We will argue, we will give each other the silent treatment, we will possibly even go so far as to be angry at each other. BUT God will still be there, and we will still need to fulfill His will, and I will not let us go to bed on our anger, I pray that He will teach us and guide us to try and talk it out and cut the fuel source that is keeping the anger burning.

Ephesians 5:25, 28 "25-Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it. 28-So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." I can't wait for the day that someone will love me as much as they love themselves, the day I can say that I love someone else more than I love myself, and mean it.  Help me Lord be patient for this day. I know that You have a plan for me, You know the very second I will come into contact with my Mister, the date he will propose, the second we will say our "I do's" the first place we will call home, the children You will let me bare for him to raise in Your name, Your will.

Matthew 5:28 (Jesus speaking) "But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." This verse hits me like a brick wall every time I read it. The same goes for me as it does my future husband. When I look on a man to lust after him, I too am committing adultery with him in my heart. I pray that I will keep my eyes pure, my heart clean, and my intentions virtuous as I wait for my Mister.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 "Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity; for that is thy portion in this life, and in they labor which thou takest under the sun." I love joy. I love smiling, and I love being happy. I love know that all these things are from the Lord Himself. It is a dream of mine to share this joy with my Mister day in and day out.

In Hebrews 11:6 God says "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." With praying and reading His Word daily, I attempt to fulfill the role of a diligent seeker of Him. I want to know Him, I want to be able to show Him to those around me, and I want to be able to be who He wants me to be with my future Mister.

Joseph waited 13 years. Abraham was 100 when he became a dad. Moses wandered for 40 years. Job suffered for many years. David waited 20 years to be king. Jesus waited for 30 years. If God is making you wait, you are in great company. How encouraging, reading in His Word about the struggles and battles, about the patience that some of His greatest men went had. Makes the wait  that much more worth it, knowing that at the end of this wait, I will be with my second true love? Totally worth it. The trials and tribulations, heart breaks, set backs (or so I thought), and faith-testing moments, will all fade away, and the one my Father has chosen for me will sit beside me, and help me grow in Christ, and be the woman that He intends for me to be for my Mister.

"If someone doesn't have a relationship with God, don't expect them to help your walk with Him. Instead of trying to date them into Heaven, point them to Jesus. If you want to grow spiritually, find someone on fire for God to connect to. Too many Christians connect to lukewarm believers trying to date them rather than guiding them back to the right track. You can be unequally yoked in church. Not everyone in church is after God so be careful of who you're chasing after."
I see this happen, this is why divorce happens, this is why some marriages are unhappy and seem to be barreling down the tracks to despair and turmoil from the get-go. There can be two people, saved by the blood of Christ, but with differing beliefs. How can you imagine that this will not cause problems down the road, for instance, when you have children. Which beliefs do you choose to raise them in, maybe you will opt out of choosing, maybe you teach them both, what happens when this child grows and matures and raises questions on what is true and what is not, which beliefs are the correct one, can we say confusion much? This could be very detrimental to that child's spiritual development. This is not God's plan for us when raising our children in Him. I know and pray that my Mister and I are knowingly equally yoked before even contemplating dating, let alone marriage.

God desires for me, the way I desire to be a Godly woman to my husband. "Whom have I in Heaven but you and there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you." Psalm 73:25 With all my heart I wish that my future Mister had my hand already, but I also know with all my heart, that God has a reason, a purpose for having me wait. A reason for what I see as His "peculiar" timing.

My body is a temple. I Corinthians 6:18-20 "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefor glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. " God sent His only Son, to be beaten, laughed at, cursed at, and put to death, for ME. For the unworthy, the meek. He let His Son pay the ultimate price...for me, for you. How then can we not maintain His commandments, His desires and will for our lives. He states that marriage is for one man and one woman, and that we are to abstain from any sexual activities until we are bound in marriage to our spouse, both before God and man.

"I keep my eyes on the Lord, with Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken" Psalm 16:8
Maintaining my sight on the Lord, and His Word, will help me walk the walk and talk the talk while I am waiting for Him to send my Mister my way, and give me the ability to do so after.

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on such things. Philippians 4:8
Sometimes in life it is a constant struggle for me to be patient, to be kind, to show love to those whom I feel don't deserve it, lest from me?! But then God reminds me, I have no right to judge, He is the only Judge who's opinion even ever has mattered. I am here to help others come to and grow in Christ and that is it. I am here to better His kingdom, to please Him.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set and example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12 Sometimes I feel as though people laugh at me, whether physically, or mentally, when I tell them I am a virgin. I hold this verse strong, true, and dear to my heart. I try to live it out as often as possible. I see no healthy purpose at all in giving myself away to someone whom I am unsure if I will marry or not, and I will never know for sure that I will marry him, until we are married. Thus, I am saving myself for marriage. Let them laugh, let them criticize, I know I am fulfilling God's will for me and my future Mister.

"You own the skies and still you want my heart"~Hillsong United song entitled "Up in Arms"
God is love, He wants to best for me, He wants the best for all of His children, just like any good and faithful Father should. He is able to do all things, He cares for millions of people, yet He still shows concern for all the little things in my life, all the things that I make big, all the things that I don't think about, all the things that go unnoticed and unappreciated, He has made all these things possible, how could I not sit here and trust that something as important as a future spouse to spend the rest of my life here on Earth with would not be in His hands, under His control?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_6aB6S2aOA

Godly woman: When sadness comes, she takes time to smile. When tired, she finds time to relax and rest. When she's angry, she takes time to cool down. She reads and meditates the Bible at all times. Above all these she always prays. Prayer is her priority and her priority is her shield.

Wives: God already knows that your husband is not a perfect man. That is why God made in you "a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18. Therefor a virtuous woman does not waste time criticizing her man's flaws, faults, and weakness. A virtuous wife knows that her first divine responsibility is being "a suitable helper" for her man. The reason you don't find it hard to see your husband's faults is because God designed you to help your husband become a better man. If your husband was perfect he wouldn't need "a suitable helper." Every man has the potential for greatness; but it takes a virtuous wife to nurture and develop him into greatness. Therefor stop complaining and get to work. Pray, encourage, and build your man up. Behind every successful man is a virtuous wife who understands that it is her responsibility to help her husband become the man God desires him to be. ~Isaac Kubvoruno
It is my prayer, that I will stand by my Mister, helping him draw closer to God, and then closer to me. God should always be the focal point, the center of our relationship, at any and every stage. For I am not perfect, how therefor can I expect my future spouse to be? Sometimes we nitpick and grab straws at the faults of others to build ourselves up, only to find it does just the opposite, for then we feel bad for being so rude and heartless. Lord prepare me to be the water to his cement, to help make him a strong and Godly man who stands by You and Your Word.

What is a Godly man?
A Godly man is Christ-like. He is strong spiritually, not just physically. He is dedicated to his faith and to his family, all else comes second. A Godly man loves the Word of God and has a natural new born desire to spend time reading the Word and growing in his faith. He intentionally guards what he reads, sees, and hears. These are the attractive strengths that a woman of God desires. That I desire. These and many more. I should not have to break down every conversation to decide if this man is of God or not, if he is seeking after God's heart first, seeking to please Him. If this is a true man of God, it will be evident in his every action, every word that comes out of his mouth, the way he treats the children around him, the elderly, his peers. The way he carries himself, with dignity and strength, all these things should be visible at any point in time.

What God is bringing you through at this very moment is going to be the testimony that will bring somebody else through. No mess, no message. ~Unknown
God always has a will, and where there's a will there's a way. God's way is best, the only way to know God's way and will is to pray, and read His Word, and seek out His will for me.

It's funny how someone who was just a stranger last year, can mean so much to you now. It's terrible that someone who meant so much to you last year can be a stranger now. It's amazing what a year can do. ~Unknown
 When I read this, I don't dwell on the fact that people that were a very big part of my life last year are now not, we all grow, change, relocate, and drift our own ways. Instead, I dwell on the fact, that tomorrow, I may meet my mister. Tomorrow I may gain 10 friends. Tomorrow is all under control. So I need not worry about my Mister today, because God has a plan, and I trust Him to let it be known to me when He knows the timing is right.

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out. ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning
God wants someone for us that will make us better. Someone who will help us grow closer to Him, someone who will equally want to be closer to Him. Someone who is after His own heart before ours. Someone who will make each day more worth living, someone who will dwell on His Word, and live it out in their lives.

At the end of the day, no man or woman can satisfy your soul. A Christ-centered relationship is worth the wait. Someone who will love you unconditionally, listen when you're frustrated, be committed but still remind you that only God can complete you. Point them to Christ, their walk with God should be your biggest concern. ~Tovares Grey
Someday everything will make perfect sense. So for now I laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding myself that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I chose to believe in God, and in His perfect timing.


When you love something, you don't threaten it. You don't punish it. You fight for it. You take care of it. You put it first. ~Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation) 
Sometimes I look and perceive marriages as happy and perfect, and then I get to know the couple, and I can tell that one or the other and sometimes both go unappreciated. That is not what I want my marriage to be like, I want my Mister to feel appreciated and cared for, loved and honored, held and comforted.  

Even though sometimes the battle appears long, and the wait seems torturous, I will wait. While I am waiting, I will serve Him, I will pray, I will dwell on His Word, I will gather with His people, I will praise Him, I will be witness for Him and an example of His love towards others.

Ladies...
what if I told you God wanted to give you a man? A man that is already mature and though he may not be perfect, he has a plan. What if that boy you're entertaining is wasting your time? God wants to give you a man that can lead you, not one you have to raise. God didn't call you to be his second mother. If he doesn't have a sense of direction, don't let him lead you in circles. Encouraging sin rather than pushing you closer to God. Ladies, God is developing a man for you. Don't jump the gun, you might end up with a joker disguised as a blessing. It may get tiring and frustrating, but wait on God. ~Tovares Grey

I, on my own, am weak. I am just a girl looking for her Mister. I am just a child in an adult body. I am unworthy of love, I am undeserving of any and everything. But with God, He makes me worthy, He deems me worthy. He helps me be strong, He helps me feel secure and strong within His will and His ways.

"Blessed is she who has believed the Lord would fulfill His promises to her." ~Luke 1:45

"She is Clothed with Strength and dignity, and she Laughs Without Fear of The future." ~Proverbs 31:25