Dear China, Thanks for Stealing my Pastor

'Stealing.' Maybe that was a bit harsh. But just let the record show that that is an honest reflection of my attitude when I first heard about their future endeavors to that far away place, initially of course.

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July 10th, 2016 was the last Sunday that our previous Senior pastor and his wife attended our church prior to leaving for China.

When this adventure was still in the works, when I was first made aware of it being quite a possibility, God willing, I had quite mixed feelings. Here is why.

1) I am selfish.

2) I was in awe.

3) Still in awe.

4) I was so incredibly excited for them and their future plans, this big, crazy, exciting step, that I couldn't even possibly think of anything more perfect for their next step in their lives together. (And obviously God agrees, as all has worked out so well thus far!) 

5) But still, I was selfish.


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Let's start at the beginning though, the first day I heard about 

this exciting new adventure in their life:

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March 13th, 2016
I remember that Sunday as if it were yesterday! Sunday school finished, and Marcia and Sarah were having a conversation about someone working for her in the nursery. I followed Sarah back there and told her after I ran the powerpoint for worship, I would be right down and replace her. She said something to the effect of, 'no, that's okay.' But of course I did it anyway! I love kids y'all, and would do it every single Sunday. 

As Pastor Steve began to close his sermon, I notice that Sarah gets real quiet, stands up close to the speaker to hear better, and then I overhear, "I am resigning as senior pastor...." I tell her, "Get out. Go out there." She is already in tears and I am about to be.  I couldn't make myself believe it to be true. My friend, wife, and their daughters were going to be moving at the end of the month. And now this news is thrown at me?? (see, selfish.) And by me, I mean, our church body, as a whole. No one was singled out. I am 99% sure I cried about it the very moment I learned about it. I was in the nursery, snuggling with some precious girls when what I thought to be a weird dream registered and started to return to reality. As that occurred, I just hugged those girls closer.

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I cried about it again when Pastor Steve spoke about it a couple Sundays before his last here as senior pastor. 
I teared up, every time someone at work or the grocery store asked me about it.
And again on July 10th, their last Sunday.
Ooops, yup. Yet again at their going away party. (Also July 10th).

Okay, you get it. I am an emotional wreck and a big cry baby.

I didn't cry because they were going to China. I didn't even cry because they were leaving. 
I cried because they wouldn't be here anymore. (There is a difference, I promise, but again, selfish reasons.) I cried thinking of the empty spot in the sanctuary, wondering who God would send our way. Knowing that no matter who was sent our way, that was who was supposed to be here, but still knowing they had some big shoes to fill. (No offense Pastor Steve.) Let's just say, the bar of expectation has been set pretttttty high.

But, on the reals. I am so excited for them. I know God has had His hand in all of the events leading up to this decision, and will continue to guide them on this exciting new adventure halfway across the world! I wrote a letter, to both of them (and then a short one to their whole family), things that I wanted to, and need to say to you, but you're gone now. So you get to be victims of one of my open letters, sorry not sorry.

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First, a message to Pastor Steve: 

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Pastor Steve,

You have been nothing but light in my life here in Ulysses. From the times I came to church with Susanna and Jonathan before I actually moved down here, until you left; you never made me feel anything less than welcome. You know how to make a person smile. I rarely saw you without one, and that alone helps raise spirits and form smiles in others around you, but on top of that you are a genuinely kind and God-serving man.

On numerous occasions you complimented me. About anything, my singing, my smile, my attitude, whatever it was that day, you found something. And, like you, I always sort of brushed it off. I am definitely never going to win an award for 'greatest at accepting compliments.' On your last Sunday, as I was hugging you for the 30th time at your going away party, you again told me in my ear, 'You are so awesome.' You know some of (what I consider to be) my darkest 'secrets.' Being a pastor kind of opens a door to a lot of people's darkest times in their lives. And you knew mine, at least the gist of it/them. And yet, you never once seemed to be 'judgy', or disproving. You always, always, always greeted me with open arms and a smile. And simply loved. You always show love wherever you go.



I also genuinely appreciate the many Sunday mornings when I would come early for prayer with you and our equally dedicated Pastor Bob. Every single Sunday you prayed for marriages, for keeping the marriage bed holy, etc. And almost every single Sunday, you also prayed for the singles in our church. (Me!) You prayed that God would bring a partner alongside, or if we were 'called to be single' that we would live for Him either way. You don't know this, but every single time you prayed for us 'singles' I wept. Every time. I struggle so much with trying to let go of past mistakes and lingering regrets, as well as find a happy medium between where and when to put myself out there and when to hold back a little, like maybe if I put a little more effort into it, I can rush God's revealing of the spouse He has planned for me. I struggle daily, with the fact that here I am still single and 25. I tell everyone I am old, because some days it feels that way. I sometimes get stuck in the lull that consists of sleeping, working, eating, and repeat. 

Sundays, especially with you, your wife, and daughter, always made for a great break from the 'lull.' And though they now will not consist of seeing you all every Sunday, and even though I work at least half of the Sundays each month, I still see it as a day of refuge, recharging, regenerating joy, and a day to be reminded of all that Christ did for me. 

Everything about you, even the Moses hair (LOL!) has been a great example of Jesus' love to me, this church, and our community. I say yes, even the 'Moses hair' because even with that, you have shown us that sometimes we do the things we do because of the love we have for those that love us. And if you can glorify God, by loving your wife and the fact that she loves your beard, then so be it, that is just perfect. Having attended the 'send-off' party for y'all, seeing how many other churches' pastors attended, and other people in the community, really opened my eyes even more to the oneness that you have liked about this community and it's churches.



Initially, when I heard y'all were leaving...it was seriously like, uh, the end of the world. At least my Ulysses world, as I knew it. I will miss your great attitude, and your incredibly vast knowledge of God's Word. I am beyond excited though, for your travels and experiences to and in China. As the days are crossed off the calendar, I can imagine you are more and more excited! You are awesome!

Praying for you always.

You are deeply missed already,
Rachael Ann

P.S. I apologize for calling it a 'man bun.'


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Now, for a message to his better half and perfect compliment:

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Dear sweet sweet Marcia,

In my mind, always the pastor's wife. But also, always the sister with whom I enjoyed several morning prayer coffees with. The sister who was not afraid to pipe up in Sunday school, about whatever topic we were addressing and learning about at the time. The sister who was always smiling. You are never afraid to be honest though. Sometimes while hugging you, I would ask how you were doing. Sometimes I got, 'great!' 'good!' etc. Sometimes you replied with, 'okay.' And that, though saddened my heart for you in that moment, gave me hope always. You are such a happy woman, with a joyous spirit, but even the happiest of people have 'okay' days too.

You have brought me so much joy, on numerous occasions. Your quirky sense of humor, brings nothing but smiles to anyone around experiencing it first hand. It is a perfect mix with the more serious, though less seen side of Marcia. But I love both sides. So keep em both around for sure. Your joy and loving manner are my favorite of all of your amazing qualities.

I did not get to spend as much time outside of Sunday mornings with you and your family as I would have liked to (thanks adulthood), but the times I did were always such a blessing. The numerous trips to Downtown, (which is closed now, super sad.) the times you guys would have us over for lunch, or cards, or whatever. Sunday night Bible studies, and the time I stopped by AWANA. But my most favorite memories, are from morning prayer coffee with you gals. And I am so sad that I was unable to attend the last several before y'all left. I loved hearing about how Steve did the laundry, or dishes, or made you breakfast, or coffee, and on the cold mornings, started your car for you. I loved hearing you talk about your spouse, and see your love for him shine in your eyes. 

I also remember before I really got to know you, camping at Meade Lake with you, Sarah, and Steve ( or as you sometimes refer to him as: Swannie). That was the first non-church event that I had ever attended with y'all. I remember walking over to the restrooms with these near strangers, and feeling just as welcome as if we were truly sisters. Thank you for that. That is one of the first, and one of my favorite memories with you! 

I have heard that being a Pastor's wife has it's challenges. No one can deny that. You maintain the part well. You are an amazing wife to Pastor Steve. You both compliment each other so insanely well. I could not imagine a better-matched couple. God knew what He was doing when He brought your two lives into intersection. It will be hard to picture life here at FBC without you. You have a way of bringing a smile to literally every face in the building. Life will be a little weirder without you than with you. But for as well as you played the part of 'pastor's wife', I am excited for you to delve into being God's daughter, Steve's wife, Caleb and Sarah's mom, and all your other titles, with some needed relief from your role as 'Pastor's Wife.' Though you never complained, and showed no sign of the burden, I know it was there. You are a smart woman, and being a student will continue to look just as good on you now as it did when you were 'the pastor's wife.'

If I can ever get a Tuesday night off, and am able to return to Wednesday morning prayer coffee with our sisters in Christ, I know it will be a different experience without you. Not better, not worse, just different. Your uplifting spirit will be missed! I have seen your contagious joy affect many people around me, always positively. I am excited for you to be able to share it with many others as you travel to China, and especially after you arrive. Can't wait to hear the stories of new friends, crazy adventures, and touched hearts. 

Praying for you always.

Love you so, and miss you already,
Rachael Ann

P.S. You are a rockstar Marcia!

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Like I said, I am selfish. Sometimes when hugging and visiting with Pastor Steve and Marcia each Sunday, I had to force some excitement for their plans out. Not always was it genuine. My second favorite family in Ulysses was going to pack up their life and move elsewhere. I have survived. It has only been a couple weeks. I have only been in church one Sunday since they started their adventure around the US to see family and friends before going to China. (I have only been once because I was on vacay in Michigan, [which I will blog about soon!] not because of a ripple effect of their leaving, causing me also to leave.) That one Sunday was just two days ago in fact, and it went well. We were also missing our worship leader, so as one could imagine, getting sound figured out (when the 2 people that ran it in the past were missing) was an adventure. One that we conquered like champs, might I add!

Anyway. Though life without Steve and Marcia is going to be different, and sometimes we get stuck in a comfortable rut and never want change, I am equally excited for what this change will bring the church, and what this change in their lives will bring for them. Ruts ain't good for anybody.

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So to Pastor Steve and his delightful and loving family,

I miss you. I don't hate China. I am so glad Gad has worked out everything thus far with your pre-adventuring. I love you all so much. Thank you for your impact while you were here, and for the impact you will continue to make, even though we will be continents and states apart. 

Could not thank you all enough for your impact in my life with 100 blog posts, but thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Praying for you always!

Forever missing the Spam Fam, and the Spam Fam van as well,
Rachael Ann

P.S. Where does that van reside now anyway?

   

'Tell me, what is it you plan to do with 

your one wild and precious life?' 

-poet Mary Oliver 


Don't forget to check out these not-so-random music video links I include with each blog post! 

I Will Follow ~ Chris Tomlin             10,000 Reasons ~ Matt Redman

Overwhelmed ~ Big Daddy Weave 

Insight of Motherhood

Those of you that know me at all, even if only on a 'somewhat personal' level, are aware that I have 6 nieces and nephews, (and 1 on the way!) You may also know that I have babysat for other people since I was a pre-teen.  If you know me even just a smigden better, you know that I absolutely adore children, and cannot wait to have some of to call my own, not just my 'adopted' children aka best friend's kids, nieces, nephews, baby cousins, etc.

I lead with this, so you will remember, throughout this post, that I do love children. I have not and will never do anything intentionally to hurt them, physically or emotionally. Yes, I spank, if I deem it necessary I will spank. I was raised on a lot of beatings, unfortunately, because I was not an angel as a young one, and survived quite fine with my rear completely intact and my emotions healed each and every time. But beyond the necessary spanking, and sometimes a little voice raising, I tend to love on them!

Typically my blogs begin randomly, at any given point in a day that a thought comes to my brain that may or may not make for a good blog, I throw it in a draft post, and edit it when I have time. That 'time' typically occurs during lull hours at work, hence the ridiculously early posting and sharing. 

Since working night shift, I do not sleep as much as I used to, or maybe I sleep more, but none of it as restful as it used to be. I am unaware of the normal time frame it takes a person to adjust from sleeping at night to sleeping during the day, but this girl has not mastered that yet. Medication is almost always necessary to try and get to the point of shut-eye before the sun rises, throwing me a curve ball of awake-ness.

Let me lay out my weekend plans for you. I made plans to get off work Friday morning around 0700, and go home and sleep right away, waking around 1-2pm to get up, shower, and pack and head to my little sister's basketball game later that night. I then had plans to head on from her game to my sister's house to watch my two nieces (1 year old and 6 year old) while she worked her 2 overnight shifts this weekend, Saturday morning have to be up and on the road by 7:15am, with the 2 girls to head to their Aunt's basketball tourney, then up and at 'em early Sunday morning to be back for church with my lovely church family in Ulysses.

That was the plan anyway.

So, why the blog? You ask. Here's why.

I got off of work yesterday, had a niece at my house, so of course had to bug her in the morning, and then tossed and turned and was able to finally fall asleep about 10am, then got up at 2pm to shower and get ready for my sister's game. Showered, packed the bag and car, ate some cereal, and hung out with my sister-roomie for a bit, then began my 2-hour jaunt to her game. Little sister's game started at 6pm, I arrived literally as the national anthem was beginning. Boom! Off to a great start! (We won't mention the fight with the one-way and country roads in this miniature town.)

Her game ended and they won, yay! Took off for my oldest sister's house (1 hour drive). Arrived just about 9:45pm, after grabbing some randoms from my storage unit, came to her house and took over for my niece's dad who was watching them until I arrived. He said they had been in bed for about a half hour and both were sleeping. Sweet, I was sad I didn't get to kiss them goodnight, but 2 kiddos already asleep when you arrive for a babysitting gig is an unexpected bonus every time!

I was dozing off to a tv show, so decided bed was calling around midnight. I get up from the couch and go to the bedroom where my nieces are sleeping so I can hear them when they wake, and can't sleep. I toss and turn until 1am, then finally doze off. The youngest one wakes wailing at 2:30am for her mother. She cries for an hour, then finally I give up on the attempt at soothing and we come out to the living room and watch television, I just pray for some peace and quiet, to prevent what happens next. Her sister wakes around 4am and we all hang out. Now it's 5:30am, yup, bath time is happening! They get bathed, meanwhile their mother comes home from work. Wonders why everyone is awake, etc. Gets them out of the bath and dressed while I hop in the shower, then they all lay down for a bit more shut-eye before leaving for yet another set of basketball games this morning, (another hour and half drive, this time with needing to prepare 2 children, packing snacks, extra clothes, diapers, wipes, etc...you get the point.) Plus switching the carseat over from their mom's car to mine, finding socks and shoes, grabbing a blanket for each in case they want to try to sleep on the way this morning, and their coats. Then waking them at 7am to head out.

We arrive, just in time yet again, pulling into the parking lot right in front of my Mom and 2 of my sisters. (If this is confusing by now, I understand. I have 4 sisters. My youngest sister is a sophomore in high school, she is the baller in this story. I have 2 older sisters, oldest has 2 daughters, 2nd oldest has 1 daughter. Older of the younger sisters lives with me at this time.) We head on in, and the games were fun! All 3 of the nieces were great, played together, watched some and cheered their aunt on some, but mostly played together and ran around and consumed snackage. Then, before leaving, got a call from my brother (I have 3 of them, this was the oldest younger brother), asking if our youngest brother was supposed to be helping our father after the games, asked Dad and said he didn't have to, but Dad wanted to run off with the youngest to go check out the local dairy cattle before letting me take off with him (Dad used to work on a dairy farm years ago when we lived in New York). Then I was to snag him up and deliver him to my brother who called requesting him to come ride-along and keep him company while he was hauling manure from a local feed yard. Said feed yard happened to be on my route back to my sister's house. Meanwhile, the younger niece is napping. She napped through that entire escapade and the rest of the way to her mom's house (Probably a 2-hour nap).

We get to my sister's house about 3pm. We all get moved back into the house from the car, and hang out with my sister before she has to leave for work around 5:30pm. She leaves while the nieces are sucked into the tube watching the new Minions movie, so unnoticed by the younger of the two. All is fine and dandy until about 6:40pm. Then the older of the munchkins runs to the restroom to vomit, a couple times. Ah, got to love the vomit! Then she says she feels better. We hang out, she eats some Cheetos because she refused to eat or drink anything else, and answered me multiple times that her tummy felt better. Then we all start getting ready for bed.

Let the crying begin. The younger of the two went to bed first and seemed to be sleeping. Just before the older and I went to bed, the younger is looking for mom again. She loses it, cries, coughs, vomits, cries, coughs, vomits. I pull her from the bedroom and bring her to the living room with me because her sister is almost asleep already. Two vomiting episodes, two pairs of pajamas, three blankets, some carpet scrubbing, one of a couple laundry loads started, and hard-core tongue-biting (by me of course) later, and this aunt spanks her. The vomiting was 100% related to her making herself cough hard enough that she vomited, and she was being a little bit ridiculous, and following the spanking, she cried, then calmed. She talked to me in softer tones, and really wanted to go to bed. But she was still crying off and on, and I knew she would wake her sister.

Then boom, sister appears in the kitchen. She says, 'I know you are mad at my sister.' I told her, 'I am not mad, I am just tired.' She said, 'I heard you spank her.' I said 'Yes, I did because she was throwing a fit, and made herself throw up 3 times!' She then told me, she wishes her 'sister was big, so she wouldn't cry and whine so much,' I said, 'Me too missy!'

She looks as exhausted as I know I feel, and through the tears that are slowly sliding down my cheek I encourage her to lie down on the couch. I reached a breaking point just then and I just let those tears fall. I prayed to God, asking for more patience, because I really needed it, and for rest for all of us soon. I thanked Him for helping me not lose control with the younger one, and thanking Him that I am able to not only spend time with these girls, but that I get to love on them, and help my sister out, and for this rougher insight into motherhood, even if for a couple hours.

We all just talk for a minute, and then big sister proceeds to vomit again, a couple times this time, in the kitchen trash. Poor girl. So we just sit on the couch and hang out, watch some television, hope the younger gets tired, and the older gets feeling better. She vomits a good 3 times more, not much each time, but enough heaving to make me vomit in my mouth. (I know how ridiculous, I am a nurse, I should have it engrained in me to be able to handle this stuff, but no. At work, I have to be professional, so I try and keep the gagging to myself until I step out of the patient's room, no matter the scent or consistency, usually I can keep it together. At home or in my personal life, I have no need to keep it professional, and the gagging gets a rapid onset and no control even attempted.) So after keeping myself from vomiting, I cleaned out her bucket a couple times, then she relaxes on the couch and appears to be dozing off, we all have survived thus far! I glance at the clock and it's 9pm. This is a good thing, because it is still early right? More time for sleep. But also, it's only 9pm. I am usually a positive person, but I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the time, the last 2 hours felt like an eternity already.

9:30pm, the last time the older niece vomited, and I rinsed out her bucket. 9:45pm the time the older niece decides she is ready for bed, and goes to bed, and the younger thinks she is too, then changes her mind, screams and cries for 15 minutes, then decides she is really ready for bed now (I hope!). As I complete this, it is about 10:30 pm. I am wide awake of course and enjoying the peace and quiet for now, though I know I will regret not being able to sleep right now while the kiddos are. But this has been one of the more challenging weekends of babysitting. I am glad it was with my nieces, because had it been anyone else, I would have told them adios tomorrow morning, and promised myself never to come back. These girls are a big part of my world, and I never see them enough.

Tonight was a challenge for me, but I prevailed, and all three of us survived! PRL! So, just throwing this caution out there for all y'all that may run into me tomorrow at any given time, I am sorry. I may be a grouch, I may be exhausted, and the smile may be forced, but I will do my best to have it present. For now, I am going to bed, counting my blessings, and thanking God for these two beautiful young girls. I know no matter what happened here tonight, next time I see their face, they will be glowing and their mouths spewing "Aunt Rachy!" And the struggle of this weekend will be but a grain of salt in my sea of memories.

:) You can't really tell here, but they are both sleeping soundly. It's 11pm. I'm out.