A Letter to my Best Forever Friend

Dear Sweet Friend,

You have been my best friend, for the longest. I cannot remember a time when you weren't! All throughout our school years, especially high school, we were so crazy, and had sooooooo many incredible laughing moments! So much crying, which only comes from the best laughs.

You probably felt, especially a couple years ago, that you may not have ranked number one any longer. I feel like sometimes, you may have felt like you were replaced. But you weren't.

You have always been my #1.

You have birthed some of the greatest joys in my life. And you still look amazing. You may not weigh 100 pounds anymore, which is good (because you are healthier), and you are still one hot mom.

You have an amazing life. Your husband isn't perfect, and sometimes makes you cry, sometimes makes you mad, sometimes makes you want to rip out every single strand of hair on your head. But I know you love him, and I know he loves you. And I know you make each other laugh, and among all the tests that have come to your relationship, you have more than prevailed.

You are a beautiful girl. You are strong. You are a determined woman. You are determined to give your children the best life they can have. You are satisfied. You don't quit trying to make yourself a better person, a better Christian, a better woman, a better Mom. But, you are satisfied. You don't need all the diamonds and new cars in this life, a bigger house, the newest phone, a big screen tv. You make do with what you have.

 

You are a bomb cook. I don't think you have made a meal that I haven't liked. I may not be a huge fan of homemade brownies, or guacamole, but I will still eat them (the brownies anyway). They are brownies...what (mostly) sane person wouldn't?

You are kind. You are always so nice to me, and have a great heart. You see needs in others, and do what you can to meet them. You have a heart that is concerned for people. I love that about you. I love that you instill these traits in your kiddos as well.

I have been through quite a lot in my 25 years. Some things I brought upon myself, others I had no control over. But through all of them, God was there, even though sometime it didn't feel like it. And also, through each one, whether right by my side or on the other side of the telephone, there you were too. There may even be things in my life that were going on, and you didn't even know it, but just by being you, you made it better. So thank you.

We may not agree on everything, but we certainly don't fight. You're stupid. You fail. You're not perfect. You're weird. I am like that TOO, so we are a perfect match! We laugh at the randomest things. You are like my human diary, so many secrets spilt to your always open ears. When I am sad, there you are. When I am happy, you are who I want to tell! You know some (if not all) of my ugliest secrets. You've seen me at my lowest. If there was such a thing as laughing too much, you would be the drug in my life that caused that symptom. You've seen me cry. You've walked into my house and made it your own, as well as have let me do the same in yours, numerous times!  I would be okay with you writing my biography, because you know more 'Rachael' facts than anyone else in the world (seriously though, probably more than my own Mom!). No matter what, throughout this life, you have been the consistent person by my side.

When my brother died, you were there.
When I wrecked my car, (9 years ago today) which could have easily been the end of your life, you still let me come hang out with you.
When I found out you were dating my brother, you gave me time to get used to the idea.
When I graduated from high school, you were right there, probably sitting with my family.
When I left for college, we kept in touch, and I would hang out with you whenever I could when I was home.
When you got pregnant, you didn't let me know as soon as I would have liked. And instead of understanding that you may have been going through a lot of things, obviously physically, and for sure emotionally, I got all butt hurt about it. For that I apologize. And I wouldn't trade that young one for a box full of diamonds.
When I graduated from college, you were there, with my family (which was also your family by this point, though we adopted you ages ago!).

Simply put...

You. Are. There.

I want you to know that I pray for you. I pray for your marriage. I pray for your kids. I pray for your heart, for patience, for time for yourself. I pray that you make it through each day at least as sane as you woke up. I pray that you would be able to find time in your crazy days to read God's Word. To pray. To talk to Him, cast your cares on Him. I pray that your relationship with Him would deepen and blossom even more than it has.

I hope I don't take advantage of you. I hope I reciprocate some of these great qualities back to you. I know I am not as great a friend as you are, but I am working on it. You are a blessing I cannot imagine my life sans. Thank you.

I want you to know, because I don't tell you enough, that I love you. I love you so much.
I appreciate you. You are beautiful. You are wanted. You are needed. You are the best mom your kids could ever have been blessed with. And you, you are my bestest friend in the whole world.

Most of all I appreciate that you accept me as me. I appreciate that we can be together for days, or apart for days, and nothing changes. You're the BEST!

Stay sweet,
Rachy

P.S. Please come stay at my house whenever you want. Because you are ALWAYS welcome!

My best friend's name is Heather, and I am the rude one.

Best frand and I :) Love you long time Delilah!

 

 

And some songs, dedicated to you bestie!! <3

Beautiful ~ MercyMe

Grateful ~ Rita Ora

Lean On Me ~ Bill Withers
The List ~ Matthew West

22 Things I Learned Growing Up In an 'Abnormally Large' Family

Things I have learned coming from a family of 11. You read that right. 9 kids, 2 parents. Wouldn't trade one of them for any amount of gold, but maybe 3! Just kidding!! I love 'em all! Here's a couple things coming from what the world considers a 'large' family has taught me. Of course, the lessons are endless, but here are a couple that come to mind right away. Don't pay any attention to the order they are listed, that is completely unrelated to supremacy, just like our birth order. :)

1) You can take a cold shower without writing home about it. You're used to being the 3rd in line to the only bathroom in the house, and no, siblings #1&2 never learned how to take a shorter shower, no matter how many times you've whined to them over the years. Thankfully, for many of the years after I graduated from evening bath time to morning showers, I was the #1 or #2, sorry guys! But my showers were pretty short, so I blame the other guy! 

2) You don't get upset when you get stuck with the dog pillow, you know the one. Not the pillow the dog uses, but the pillow-pet that is the reject of the mound of pillows, that whomever got last dibs was rewarded with. You're not mad, because that means the house is full, full of people, all of them using the good pillows of course.

3) When your sibling gets upset and storms out of a card game, you can just let it happen and not feel guilty about it, They will get over the loss, eventually. And just when they do, don't worry, you will remind them ASAP! One day, they will mature, like the rest of them. (Excluding me of course!) 

 

4) It's okay to be mad with jealousy when your youngest sister gets a full-sized bed, when all you had growing up was a twin bed, top bunk, because that's all you had room for. It is also okay to call dibs on the other half of that bed every time you come home too. You know that with her being the youngest, she has probably suffered the brunt of the picking, so she can have that full-sized bed, she may have earned it. But since she's the youngest, you're still her elder and you can still demand sharesies on the bed.

5) You really don't need a big house and lots of extra 'stuff'. Storage is quite limited when you grow up in a 3-bedroom home with 7 siblings under one roof. (No I didn't forget how to count, my oldest sister had graduated from high school and just started her freshman year of college when my youngest sibling was born.) So you learn at an early age that unless you want to sleep with it every night and nap time that you can live without that extra baby doll, newer cd player, newest and coolest sneakers, and better camera. 

6) When you don't pass math class, your iPad may get confiscated by Momma, and yes your adult siblings do get to call dibs on ownership until you get that grade back up. (Using my youngest brother as an example here, math was a strong-suit of mine that I am unashamed about! Thanks to Mrs. Johnson, I graduated from high school, and actually started missing math classes when I got to college!) 

7) You will forever answer to your siblings' name(s). Every day in school and church, and at home for that matter, was a guessing game for whomever was beckoning the beckoned. Susanna, Rachael, Rebecca, err Rose! Get in here! Just the other day in fact, I was called Rebecca, by someone who has never met my sister, and I answered anyway, then corrected them. 

8) When you grow up in a small town, and have a large family, your parents will get 'talked to' a lot more frequently. Coaches, teachers, other kids' parents, etc. They have to deal with more than your average number of run-ins with people who think they can parent better than them, so go ahead and obey them every now and then, God commands it. (Well He commands that we do it at all times, but none of us are perfect. Just do your best to do so always.)

9) You have your own 'mini-crowd' at sporting events, like a souped-up sub-crowd amongst the many humans in the stands. No matter how many people are yelling, you will ALWAYS hear your Dad's voice above them all. By the time the 4th child (that's me!) is making her way through her sports years, he has not only mastered the yell, but also how to shift his farming and ranching chores around your sports schedule, so no, he probably won't be missing your game tonight, sorry not sorry! 

10) Always wear sneakers when going home, for any holiday, special event, or random trip. I have a lot of siblings, and they have been reproducing since 2009, so home is generally quite busy with children everywhere, and I LOVE IT!! But sneakers are a necessity to the chasing and camaraderie that we face each holiday at home! 

11) It doesn't take a holiday or special occasion to bring everyone home for Momma's cooking and some good ole sibling verbal and physical rivalry, and love. No matter what day of the year it is, if you don't make it home when the rest of the bunch does, you missed a lively time. 

12) If you want extra things, literally anything that is not a necessity, or even just a nicer brand of the community shampoo, you're going to have to get a job at a young age. Mom and Pop don't have money lying around or growing on trees, same as every other parent in America, but every other parent doesn't have to pinch pennies as hard as those trying to raise 9 kids on one income. 

13) It won't kill you to work that job for those extra things. This will help you mature quicker and be more responsible with your money at an early age. Whatever you do, do it for the Lord.

14) You probably won't be getting a car for your 16th birthday like all the other teens in your town. Or for graduation. Or for college. No, you will get a hand-me-down, or whatever you can afford with the money you have saved from your job in #13, if you have been wise with your money that is. Take care of whatever car God does place in your hands, because it may be the only one you will have for the next 2,3, maybe even 5+ years. 

15) Don't ever take a loved one for granted. You cannot know how much time someone you love has on this earth. Don't take too much offense to people's reactions when you tell them you have 8 siblings, and they respond with, "that's a lot!" or 'that's too many!' They haven't walked a lifetime in your shoes, and wouldn't respond that way if they had. They also wouldn't respond that way if they knew you would give anything to have your youngest sibling back to add to the chaos you call love. 

16) You won't always make your Dad proud. There are 9 of you kids, someone will always make him proud, but in every moment it won't be you. You can hang your head for that moment, and that's okay. Just remember what you did wrong, learn from it, and do your best not to repeat it again. 

17) Life without television never hurt anyone. Having 9 kids, you can imagine the fights we had, but if we had a TV, we would never agree on one thing to watch, ever. So our parents not buying a tv was actually a huge blessing. Plus, it meant more playing outside!

18) Dad is always right, until he isn't. But you don't get to inform him otherwise until you have learned to do so respectfully. 

19) No matter what, Mom is ALWAYS right. Don't argue with her, it will be breath quite wasted trying to prove yourself correct over her.

20) No matter how many times you tell her otherwise, Momma doesn't have a favorite child, but she might have a couple. Just kidding! No favorites allowed, God's instruction. You may never know how, but your Momma is a boss at dividing her love amongst her husband, her 9 children, and her now 7 grandkiddos! Take notes, maybe someday you will understand! 

21) No matter how many times and regardless of severity of the disappointment, Mom and Dad will still love you, no matter what you have done. Their love is unconditional and limitless. Don't take advantage of that and be a full-time rebel, but rest assured, even when you mess up, they will be waiting with open arms and an open heart. And it pains them just as much to beat your bottom as it does for you to receive the spankings, beltings, bootings, etc. 

22) You can never love too much. Open your heart as much as you can as often as you can, because every sibling (everyone in the world for that matter) can use some extra love always. Love honestly, love toughly when necessary, love openly, and love more.

Insight of Motherhood

Those of you that know me at all, even if only on a 'somewhat personal' level, are aware that I have 6 nieces and nephews, (and 1 on the way!) You may also know that I have babysat for other people since I was a pre-teen.  If you know me even just a smigden better, you know that I absolutely adore children, and cannot wait to have some of to call my own, not just my 'adopted' children aka best friend's kids, nieces, nephews, baby cousins, etc.

I lead with this, so you will remember, throughout this post, that I do love children. I have not and will never do anything intentionally to hurt them, physically or emotionally. Yes, I spank, if I deem it necessary I will spank. I was raised on a lot of beatings, unfortunately, because I was not an angel as a young one, and survived quite fine with my rear completely intact and my emotions healed each and every time. But beyond the necessary spanking, and sometimes a little voice raising, I tend to love on them!

Typically my blogs begin randomly, at any given point in a day that a thought comes to my brain that may or may not make for a good blog, I throw it in a draft post, and edit it when I have time. That 'time' typically occurs during lull hours at work, hence the ridiculously early posting and sharing. 

Since working night shift, I do not sleep as much as I used to, or maybe I sleep more, but none of it as restful as it used to be. I am unaware of the normal time frame it takes a person to adjust from sleeping at night to sleeping during the day, but this girl has not mastered that yet. Medication is almost always necessary to try and get to the point of shut-eye before the sun rises, throwing me a curve ball of awake-ness.

Let me lay out my weekend plans for you. I made plans to get off work Friday morning around 0700, and go home and sleep right away, waking around 1-2pm to get up, shower, and pack and head to my little sister's basketball game later that night. I then had plans to head on from her game to my sister's house to watch my two nieces (1 year old and 6 year old) while she worked her 2 overnight shifts this weekend, Saturday morning have to be up and on the road by 7:15am, with the 2 girls to head to their Aunt's basketball tourney, then up and at 'em early Sunday morning to be back for church with my lovely church family in Ulysses.

That was the plan anyway.

So, why the blog? You ask. Here's why.

I got off of work yesterday, had a niece at my house, so of course had to bug her in the morning, and then tossed and turned and was able to finally fall asleep about 10am, then got up at 2pm to shower and get ready for my sister's game. Showered, packed the bag and car, ate some cereal, and hung out with my sister-roomie for a bit, then began my 2-hour jaunt to her game. Little sister's game started at 6pm, I arrived literally as the national anthem was beginning. Boom! Off to a great start! (We won't mention the fight with the one-way and country roads in this miniature town.)

Her game ended and they won, yay! Took off for my oldest sister's house (1 hour drive). Arrived just about 9:45pm, after grabbing some randoms from my storage unit, came to her house and took over for my niece's dad who was watching them until I arrived. He said they had been in bed for about a half hour and both were sleeping. Sweet, I was sad I didn't get to kiss them goodnight, but 2 kiddos already asleep when you arrive for a babysitting gig is an unexpected bonus every time!

I was dozing off to a tv show, so decided bed was calling around midnight. I get up from the couch and go to the bedroom where my nieces are sleeping so I can hear them when they wake, and can't sleep. I toss and turn until 1am, then finally doze off. The youngest one wakes wailing at 2:30am for her mother. She cries for an hour, then finally I give up on the attempt at soothing and we come out to the living room and watch television, I just pray for some peace and quiet, to prevent what happens next. Her sister wakes around 4am and we all hang out. Now it's 5:30am, yup, bath time is happening! They get bathed, meanwhile their mother comes home from work. Wonders why everyone is awake, etc. Gets them out of the bath and dressed while I hop in the shower, then they all lay down for a bit more shut-eye before leaving for yet another set of basketball games this morning, (another hour and half drive, this time with needing to prepare 2 children, packing snacks, extra clothes, diapers, wipes, etc...you get the point.) Plus switching the carseat over from their mom's car to mine, finding socks and shoes, grabbing a blanket for each in case they want to try to sleep on the way this morning, and their coats. Then waking them at 7am to head out.

We arrive, just in time yet again, pulling into the parking lot right in front of my Mom and 2 of my sisters. (If this is confusing by now, I understand. I have 4 sisters. My youngest sister is a sophomore in high school, she is the baller in this story. I have 2 older sisters, oldest has 2 daughters, 2nd oldest has 1 daughter. Older of the younger sisters lives with me at this time.) We head on in, and the games were fun! All 3 of the nieces were great, played together, watched some and cheered their aunt on some, but mostly played together and ran around and consumed snackage. Then, before leaving, got a call from my brother (I have 3 of them, this was the oldest younger brother), asking if our youngest brother was supposed to be helping our father after the games, asked Dad and said he didn't have to, but Dad wanted to run off with the youngest to go check out the local dairy cattle before letting me take off with him (Dad used to work on a dairy farm years ago when we lived in New York). Then I was to snag him up and deliver him to my brother who called requesting him to come ride-along and keep him company while he was hauling manure from a local feed yard. Said feed yard happened to be on my route back to my sister's house. Meanwhile, the younger niece is napping. She napped through that entire escapade and the rest of the way to her mom's house (Probably a 2-hour nap).

We get to my sister's house about 3pm. We all get moved back into the house from the car, and hang out with my sister before she has to leave for work around 5:30pm. She leaves while the nieces are sucked into the tube watching the new Minions movie, so unnoticed by the younger of the two. All is fine and dandy until about 6:40pm. Then the older of the munchkins runs to the restroom to vomit, a couple times. Ah, got to love the vomit! Then she says she feels better. We hang out, she eats some Cheetos because she refused to eat or drink anything else, and answered me multiple times that her tummy felt better. Then we all start getting ready for bed.

Let the crying begin. The younger of the two went to bed first and seemed to be sleeping. Just before the older and I went to bed, the younger is looking for mom again. She loses it, cries, coughs, vomits, cries, coughs, vomits. I pull her from the bedroom and bring her to the living room with me because her sister is almost asleep already. Two vomiting episodes, two pairs of pajamas, three blankets, some carpet scrubbing, one of a couple laundry loads started, and hard-core tongue-biting (by me of course) later, and this aunt spanks her. The vomiting was 100% related to her making herself cough hard enough that she vomited, and she was being a little bit ridiculous, and following the spanking, she cried, then calmed. She talked to me in softer tones, and really wanted to go to bed. But she was still crying off and on, and I knew she would wake her sister.

Then boom, sister appears in the kitchen. She says, 'I know you are mad at my sister.' I told her, 'I am not mad, I am just tired.' She said, 'I heard you spank her.' I said 'Yes, I did because she was throwing a fit, and made herself throw up 3 times!' She then told me, she wishes her 'sister was big, so she wouldn't cry and whine so much,' I said, 'Me too missy!'

She looks as exhausted as I know I feel, and through the tears that are slowly sliding down my cheek I encourage her to lie down on the couch. I reached a breaking point just then and I just let those tears fall. I prayed to God, asking for more patience, because I really needed it, and for rest for all of us soon. I thanked Him for helping me not lose control with the younger one, and thanking Him that I am able to not only spend time with these girls, but that I get to love on them, and help my sister out, and for this rougher insight into motherhood, even if for a couple hours.

We all just talk for a minute, and then big sister proceeds to vomit again, a couple times this time, in the kitchen trash. Poor girl. So we just sit on the couch and hang out, watch some television, hope the younger gets tired, and the older gets feeling better. She vomits a good 3 times more, not much each time, but enough heaving to make me vomit in my mouth. (I know how ridiculous, I am a nurse, I should have it engrained in me to be able to handle this stuff, but no. At work, I have to be professional, so I try and keep the gagging to myself until I step out of the patient's room, no matter the scent or consistency, usually I can keep it together. At home or in my personal life, I have no need to keep it professional, and the gagging gets a rapid onset and no control even attempted.) So after keeping myself from vomiting, I cleaned out her bucket a couple times, then she relaxes on the couch and appears to be dozing off, we all have survived thus far! I glance at the clock and it's 9pm. This is a good thing, because it is still early right? More time for sleep. But also, it's only 9pm. I am usually a positive person, but I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the time, the last 2 hours felt like an eternity already.

9:30pm, the last time the older niece vomited, and I rinsed out her bucket. 9:45pm the time the older niece decides she is ready for bed, and goes to bed, and the younger thinks she is too, then changes her mind, screams and cries for 15 minutes, then decides she is really ready for bed now (I hope!). As I complete this, it is about 10:30 pm. I am wide awake of course and enjoying the peace and quiet for now, though I know I will regret not being able to sleep right now while the kiddos are. But this has been one of the more challenging weekends of babysitting. I am glad it was with my nieces, because had it been anyone else, I would have told them adios tomorrow morning, and promised myself never to come back. These girls are a big part of my world, and I never see them enough.

Tonight was a challenge for me, but I prevailed, and all three of us survived! PRL! So, just throwing this caution out there for all y'all that may run into me tomorrow at any given time, I am sorry. I may be a grouch, I may be exhausted, and the smile may be forced, but I will do my best to have it present. For now, I am going to bed, counting my blessings, and thanking God for these two beautiful young girls. I know no matter what happened here tonight, next time I see their face, they will be glowing and their mouths spewing "Aunt Rachy!" And the struggle of this weekend will be but a grain of salt in my sea of memories.

:) You can't really tell here, but they are both sleeping soundly. It's 11pm. I'm out.

Some of the Nutshell

Growing up in a small town, I have lived my life somewhat sheltered, somewhat strict, somewhat exciting, but totally and completely blessed. I have had my share of struggle, my share of wins, my share of losses, and my share of the joy. At no point in my life up through high school did I know for sure to my core that there WAS a God, more than the summer of my junior year, approaching my final year in this limited town. That summer was the hardest summer of my life. I felt as if all God planned for me that summer was to try my faith, expel me of all my trust in Him.

You are probably wondering at this point, what happened? The story begins in 2003, September 3rd, I was at cheerleading practice when we received the call, it's a boy! My youngest brother had finally escaped my mother's womb and entered into this big scary world! 

This bundle of joy, such a blessing to our family! My Pops had plans for him and Buzz once the older two boys graduated, he would still have two boys, and they would do chores, and look out for each other. Four years passed, four years of complete and utter bliss with this little blonde-haired blue-eyed boy! 

On July 2nd, 2008, later in the evening, sometime after 5 or 6 or so, I get a call. I was working at the elevator (during crazy wheat harvest time) a few blocks down and across the railroad tracks from my parents' house. My boss had seen ambulance lights in front of my house and told me my brother had wrecked his bike, and if I wanted/needed to go I should. WELL, selfish me wanting to make more money, and knowing if I leave, I will not be getting paid for my time, thought, "it's a bike wreck. I'll drive to Oakley after work in a few hours. Everything will be fine." (Oakley is just 20 minutes away so this seemed alright for me.) I called my older sisters and let them know what was going on since they are out of town and didn't figure calling them was my Momma's priority at the time. My Mom rode in the ambulance on the way to Oakley and my older brother drove there following, and ended up riding in the helicopter wit my Mom to Wichita as they flight-for-lifed my youngest brother,  just 4 years old at the time. 

He ended up dying from internal bleeding in Wichita at around 3 am that morning, almost to have surgery, when the doctor came out of prepping him for surgery and told Mom to go in and say goodbye because he wasn't going to make it through the surgery so they weren't even going to start.

I tell you what, I screamed at God. I cried. I questioned. I hated. I was a very angry (yes angry) person there for a while, a long while actually. 

BUT I was strong (mostly). I kept it together when I was around anyone. I didn't cry, I held them and let them cry on my shoulder. I assisted with tasks that others were trying to do. I cooked, I cleaned, I did anything to distract me. Maybe that was my initial way of coping, keeping myself busy helped me not dwell on what was happening around me. Then came the funeral, and trust me I definitely cried there. I cry so much at every funeral, but that was the hardest day of my entire life. I don't know if you have ever buried someone very close to you in your lifetime, and I am incredibly sorry if you have, but it is hard. I never wanted to let them close the casket, even though I knew he was dead, and looked a lot different. I just wanted to sit there and stare at him and memorize everything about him, but they had to do it, then he was lowered into the ground. I see that picture in my mind everyday. 

I finally can tell this story without crying for an hour afterwards. I remember the last conversation we had. I have many pictures from that summer, I look at a picture, and I don't see a picture, I remember the place, the time, what we were giggling over, why we were dressed that way, why he was making such a cute silly face, who we were with. As much as I want him here on Earth with us, because simply his presence was a blessing, his joy all over his face all the time, and that smile, as contagious as the common cold. 

Now. When I look at the person I was before the accident, (typically a blessed and content girl) I see a stranger. 

I was naive, yet all-knowing, weak, but a hard-worker. Life wasn't all about me, but I made it that way as often as possible. I enjoyed helping the elderly, but even more when earthly rewards were involved. I loved being involved in extracurricular clubs and events, but mostly when they got me out of school. I worked my tail off to start on the varsity volleyball and basketball teams and enjoyed spending time wit friends, who usually outranked time with my family. 

   

Now, I am completely and honestly trying every hour of every day to be devoted to His way, His plans, His pleasure, His hopes, His attitude. My family is second only to Him. I know with all my heart that God has a plan for me today, this hour. That He is my lifeline, my best friend, my Father. The One who gives and takes away. 

"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." ~Romans 5:8