A Letter to my Best Forever Friend

Dear Sweet Friend,

You have been my best friend, for the longest. I cannot remember a time when you weren't! All throughout our school years, especially high school, we were so crazy, and had sooooooo many incredible laughing moments! So much crying, which only comes from the best laughs.

You probably felt, especially a couple years ago, that you may not have ranked number one any longer. I feel like sometimes, you may have felt like you were replaced. But you weren't.

You have always been my #1.

You have birthed some of the greatest joys in my life. And you still look amazing. You may not weigh 100 pounds anymore, which is good (because you are healthier), and you are still one hot mom.

You have an amazing life. Your husband isn't perfect, and sometimes makes you cry, sometimes makes you mad, sometimes makes you want to rip out every single strand of hair on your head. But I know you love him, and I know he loves you. And I know you make each other laugh, and among all the tests that have come to your relationship, you have more than prevailed.

You are a beautiful girl. You are strong. You are a determined woman. You are determined to give your children the best life they can have. You are satisfied. You don't quit trying to make yourself a better person, a better Christian, a better woman, a better Mom. But, you are satisfied. You don't need all the diamonds and new cars in this life, a bigger house, the newest phone, a big screen tv. You make do with what you have.

 

You are a bomb cook. I don't think you have made a meal that I haven't liked. I may not be a huge fan of homemade brownies, or guacamole, but I will still eat them (the brownies anyway). They are brownies...what (mostly) sane person wouldn't?

You are kind. You are always so nice to me, and have a great heart. You see needs in others, and do what you can to meet them. You have a heart that is concerned for people. I love that about you. I love that you instill these traits in your kiddos as well.

I have been through quite a lot in my 25 years. Some things I brought upon myself, others I had no control over. But through all of them, God was there, even though sometime it didn't feel like it. And also, through each one, whether right by my side or on the other side of the telephone, there you were too. There may even be things in my life that were going on, and you didn't even know it, but just by being you, you made it better. So thank you.

We may not agree on everything, but we certainly don't fight. You're stupid. You fail. You're not perfect. You're weird. I am like that TOO, so we are a perfect match! We laugh at the randomest things. You are like my human diary, so many secrets spilt to your always open ears. When I am sad, there you are. When I am happy, you are who I want to tell! You know some (if not all) of my ugliest secrets. You've seen me at my lowest. If there was such a thing as laughing too much, you would be the drug in my life that caused that symptom. You've seen me cry. You've walked into my house and made it your own, as well as have let me do the same in yours, numerous times!  I would be okay with you writing my biography, because you know more 'Rachael' facts than anyone else in the world (seriously though, probably more than my own Mom!). No matter what, throughout this life, you have been the consistent person by my side.

When my brother died, you were there.
When I wrecked my car, (9 years ago today) which could have easily been the end of your life, you still let me come hang out with you.
When I found out you were dating my brother, you gave me time to get used to the idea.
When I graduated from high school, you were right there, probably sitting with my family.
When I left for college, we kept in touch, and I would hang out with you whenever I could when I was home.
When you got pregnant, you didn't let me know as soon as I would have liked. And instead of understanding that you may have been going through a lot of things, obviously physically, and for sure emotionally, I got all butt hurt about it. For that I apologize. And I wouldn't trade that young one for a box full of diamonds.
When I graduated from college, you were there, with my family (which was also your family by this point, though we adopted you ages ago!).

Simply put...

You. Are. There.

I want you to know that I pray for you. I pray for your marriage. I pray for your kids. I pray for your heart, for patience, for time for yourself. I pray that you make it through each day at least as sane as you woke up. I pray that you would be able to find time in your crazy days to read God's Word. To pray. To talk to Him, cast your cares on Him. I pray that your relationship with Him would deepen and blossom even more than it has.

I hope I don't take advantage of you. I hope I reciprocate some of these great qualities back to you. I know I am not as great a friend as you are, but I am working on it. You are a blessing I cannot imagine my life sans. Thank you.

I want you to know, because I don't tell you enough, that I love you. I love you so much.
I appreciate you. You are beautiful. You are wanted. You are needed. You are the best mom your kids could ever have been blessed with. And you, you are my bestest friend in the whole world.

Most of all I appreciate that you accept me as me. I appreciate that we can be together for days, or apart for days, and nothing changes. You're the BEST!

Stay sweet,
Rachy

P.S. Please come stay at my house whenever you want. Because you are ALWAYS welcome!

My best friend's name is Heather, and I am the rude one.

Best frand and I :) Love you long time Delilah!

 

 

And some songs, dedicated to you bestie!! <3

Beautiful ~ MercyMe

Grateful ~ Rita Ora

Lean On Me ~ Bill Withers
The List ~ Matthew West

22 Things I Learned Growing Up In an 'Abnormally Large' Family

Things I have learned coming from a family of 11. You read that right. 9 kids, 2 parents. Wouldn't trade one of them for any amount of gold, but maybe 3! Just kidding!! I love 'em all! Here's a couple things coming from what the world considers a 'large' family has taught me. Of course, the lessons are endless, but here are a couple that come to mind right away. Don't pay any attention to the order they are listed, that is completely unrelated to supremacy, just like our birth order. :)

1) You can take a cold shower without writing home about it. You're used to being the 3rd in line to the only bathroom in the house, and no, siblings #1&2 never learned how to take a shorter shower, no matter how many times you've whined to them over the years. Thankfully, for many of the years after I graduated from evening bath time to morning showers, I was the #1 or #2, sorry guys! But my showers were pretty short, so I blame the other guy! 

2) You don't get upset when you get stuck with the dog pillow, you know the one. Not the pillow the dog uses, but the pillow-pet that is the reject of the mound of pillows, that whomever got last dibs was rewarded with. You're not mad, because that means the house is full, full of people, all of them using the good pillows of course.

3) When your sibling gets upset and storms out of a card game, you can just let it happen and not feel guilty about it, They will get over the loss, eventually. And just when they do, don't worry, you will remind them ASAP! One day, they will mature, like the rest of them. (Excluding me of course!) 

 

4) It's okay to be mad with jealousy when your youngest sister gets a full-sized bed, when all you had growing up was a twin bed, top bunk, because that's all you had room for. It is also okay to call dibs on the other half of that bed every time you come home too. You know that with her being the youngest, she has probably suffered the brunt of the picking, so she can have that full-sized bed, she may have earned it. But since she's the youngest, you're still her elder and you can still demand sharesies on the bed.

5) You really don't need a big house and lots of extra 'stuff'. Storage is quite limited when you grow up in a 3-bedroom home with 7 siblings under one roof. (No I didn't forget how to count, my oldest sister had graduated from high school and just started her freshman year of college when my youngest sibling was born.) So you learn at an early age that unless you want to sleep with it every night and nap time that you can live without that extra baby doll, newer cd player, newest and coolest sneakers, and better camera. 

6) When you don't pass math class, your iPad may get confiscated by Momma, and yes your adult siblings do get to call dibs on ownership until you get that grade back up. (Using my youngest brother as an example here, math was a strong-suit of mine that I am unashamed about! Thanks to Mrs. Johnson, I graduated from high school, and actually started missing math classes when I got to college!) 

7) You will forever answer to your siblings' name(s). Every day in school and church, and at home for that matter, was a guessing game for whomever was beckoning the beckoned. Susanna, Rachael, Rebecca, err Rose! Get in here! Just the other day in fact, I was called Rebecca, by someone who has never met my sister, and I answered anyway, then corrected them. 

8) When you grow up in a small town, and have a large family, your parents will get 'talked to' a lot more frequently. Coaches, teachers, other kids' parents, etc. They have to deal with more than your average number of run-ins with people who think they can parent better than them, so go ahead and obey them every now and then, God commands it. (Well He commands that we do it at all times, but none of us are perfect. Just do your best to do so always.)

9) You have your own 'mini-crowd' at sporting events, like a souped-up sub-crowd amongst the many humans in the stands. No matter how many people are yelling, you will ALWAYS hear your Dad's voice above them all. By the time the 4th child (that's me!) is making her way through her sports years, he has not only mastered the yell, but also how to shift his farming and ranching chores around your sports schedule, so no, he probably won't be missing your game tonight, sorry not sorry! 

10) Always wear sneakers when going home, for any holiday, special event, or random trip. I have a lot of siblings, and they have been reproducing since 2009, so home is generally quite busy with children everywhere, and I LOVE IT!! But sneakers are a necessity to the chasing and camaraderie that we face each holiday at home! 

11) It doesn't take a holiday or special occasion to bring everyone home for Momma's cooking and some good ole sibling verbal and physical rivalry, and love. No matter what day of the year it is, if you don't make it home when the rest of the bunch does, you missed a lively time. 

12) If you want extra things, literally anything that is not a necessity, or even just a nicer brand of the community shampoo, you're going to have to get a job at a young age. Mom and Pop don't have money lying around or growing on trees, same as every other parent in America, but every other parent doesn't have to pinch pennies as hard as those trying to raise 9 kids on one income. 

13) It won't kill you to work that job for those extra things. This will help you mature quicker and be more responsible with your money at an early age. Whatever you do, do it for the Lord.

14) You probably won't be getting a car for your 16th birthday like all the other teens in your town. Or for graduation. Or for college. No, you will get a hand-me-down, or whatever you can afford with the money you have saved from your job in #13, if you have been wise with your money that is. Take care of whatever car God does place in your hands, because it may be the only one you will have for the next 2,3, maybe even 5+ years. 

15) Don't ever take a loved one for granted. You cannot know how much time someone you love has on this earth. Don't take too much offense to people's reactions when you tell them you have 8 siblings, and they respond with, "that's a lot!" or 'that's too many!' They haven't walked a lifetime in your shoes, and wouldn't respond that way if they had. They also wouldn't respond that way if they knew you would give anything to have your youngest sibling back to add to the chaos you call love. 

16) You won't always make your Dad proud. There are 9 of you kids, someone will always make him proud, but in every moment it won't be you. You can hang your head for that moment, and that's okay. Just remember what you did wrong, learn from it, and do your best not to repeat it again. 

17) Life without television never hurt anyone. Having 9 kids, you can imagine the fights we had, but if we had a TV, we would never agree on one thing to watch, ever. So our parents not buying a tv was actually a huge blessing. Plus, it meant more playing outside!

18) Dad is always right, until he isn't. But you don't get to inform him otherwise until you have learned to do so respectfully. 

19) No matter what, Mom is ALWAYS right. Don't argue with her, it will be breath quite wasted trying to prove yourself correct over her.

20) No matter how many times you tell her otherwise, Momma doesn't have a favorite child, but she might have a couple. Just kidding! No favorites allowed, God's instruction. You may never know how, but your Momma is a boss at dividing her love amongst her husband, her 9 children, and her now 7 grandkiddos! Take notes, maybe someday you will understand! 

21) No matter how many times and regardless of severity of the disappointment, Mom and Dad will still love you, no matter what you have done. Their love is unconditional and limitless. Don't take advantage of that and be a full-time rebel, but rest assured, even when you mess up, they will be waiting with open arms and an open heart. And it pains them just as much to beat your bottom as it does for you to receive the spankings, beltings, bootings, etc. 

22) You can never love too much. Open your heart as much as you can as often as you can, because every sibling (everyone in the world for that matter) can use some extra love always. Love honestly, love toughly when necessary, love openly, and love more.

Some of the Nutshell

Growing up in a small town, I have lived my life somewhat sheltered, somewhat strict, somewhat exciting, but totally and completely blessed. I have had my share of struggle, my share of wins, my share of losses, and my share of the joy. At no point in my life up through high school did I know for sure to my core that there WAS a God, more than the summer of my junior year, approaching my final year in this limited town. That summer was the hardest summer of my life. I felt as if all God planned for me that summer was to try my faith, expel me of all my trust in Him.

You are probably wondering at this point, what happened? The story begins in 2003, September 3rd, I was at cheerleading practice when we received the call, it's a boy! My youngest brother had finally escaped my mother's womb and entered into this big scary world! 

This bundle of joy, such a blessing to our family! My Pops had plans for him and Buzz once the older two boys graduated, he would still have two boys, and they would do chores, and look out for each other. Four years passed, four years of complete and utter bliss with this little blonde-haired blue-eyed boy! 

On July 2nd, 2008, later in the evening, sometime after 5 or 6 or so, I get a call. I was working at the elevator (during crazy wheat harvest time) a few blocks down and across the railroad tracks from my parents' house. My boss had seen ambulance lights in front of my house and told me my brother had wrecked his bike, and if I wanted/needed to go I should. WELL, selfish me wanting to make more money, and knowing if I leave, I will not be getting paid for my time, thought, "it's a bike wreck. I'll drive to Oakley after work in a few hours. Everything will be fine." (Oakley is just 20 minutes away so this seemed alright for me.) I called my older sisters and let them know what was going on since they are out of town and didn't figure calling them was my Momma's priority at the time. My Mom rode in the ambulance on the way to Oakley and my older brother drove there following, and ended up riding in the helicopter wit my Mom to Wichita as they flight-for-lifed my youngest brother,  just 4 years old at the time. 

He ended up dying from internal bleeding in Wichita at around 3 am that morning, almost to have surgery, when the doctor came out of prepping him for surgery and told Mom to go in and say goodbye because he wasn't going to make it through the surgery so they weren't even going to start.

I tell you what, I screamed at God. I cried. I questioned. I hated. I was a very angry (yes angry) person there for a while, a long while actually. 

BUT I was strong (mostly). I kept it together when I was around anyone. I didn't cry, I held them and let them cry on my shoulder. I assisted with tasks that others were trying to do. I cooked, I cleaned, I did anything to distract me. Maybe that was my initial way of coping, keeping myself busy helped me not dwell on what was happening around me. Then came the funeral, and trust me I definitely cried there. I cry so much at every funeral, but that was the hardest day of my entire life. I don't know if you have ever buried someone very close to you in your lifetime, and I am incredibly sorry if you have, but it is hard. I never wanted to let them close the casket, even though I knew he was dead, and looked a lot different. I just wanted to sit there and stare at him and memorize everything about him, but they had to do it, then he was lowered into the ground. I see that picture in my mind everyday. 

I finally can tell this story without crying for an hour afterwards. I remember the last conversation we had. I have many pictures from that summer, I look at a picture, and I don't see a picture, I remember the place, the time, what we were giggling over, why we were dressed that way, why he was making such a cute silly face, who we were with. As much as I want him here on Earth with us, because simply his presence was a blessing, his joy all over his face all the time, and that smile, as contagious as the common cold. 

Now. When I look at the person I was before the accident, (typically a blessed and content girl) I see a stranger. 

I was naive, yet all-knowing, weak, but a hard-worker. Life wasn't all about me, but I made it that way as often as possible. I enjoyed helping the elderly, but even more when earthly rewards were involved. I loved being involved in extracurricular clubs and events, but mostly when they got me out of school. I worked my tail off to start on the varsity volleyball and basketball teams and enjoyed spending time wit friends, who usually outranked time with my family. 

   

Now, I am completely and honestly trying every hour of every day to be devoted to His way, His plans, His pleasure, His hopes, His attitude. My family is second only to Him. I know with all my heart that God has a plan for me today, this hour. That He is my lifeline, my best friend, my Father. The One who gives and takes away. 

"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." ~Romans 5:8