Steak for Breakfast

Me, a night shift nurse. There's good. There's bad. And yes, there's ugly. 

I started out my day yesterday waking up, showering, and running to the local grocery store for some salad for a dinner I had planned with one of my favorite families, their last night with their son before they send him off to college. The first thing I ate yesterday was steak. 

Momma probably would have been in awe if I woke up as a child or a teen and asked for steak for breakfast. That is a little abnormal. But the steak for breakfast yesterday? That was completely not off-the-wall at all for me. That is my new norm. No I don't eat steak for breakfast everyday, but the reason supper at 9pm was my 'breakfast' time is because working night shift has taken its hold on me, and rarely releases its grip. 

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the Good: 

If you asked me a year and half ago if I enjoyed night shift, I would have said yes, absolutely, with no reserve. If you asked me yesterday, I would have said yes again. But the hesitation is becoming more evident, creeping up. My body and mind usually do okay sleeping in the day and staying awake all night. I am an energetic person. It is my norm. I love to laugh, and enjoy even more to make other people laugh, even if sometimes they are just laughing at my snaughling. 



Since being on night shift, I have had multiple of my elders and peers discouraging it,  pushing me to opt for a day shift position if I was given the choice. But back when I started on night shift, I was excited. Hey, differential, am I right? I enjoy the management-less building. I enjoy the drama-less co-workers I typically get to work with all night long. But. Over the past 12 months. My drive to be on night shift has certainly lessened. I still enjoy the differential, but it was never all about the money for me, and never will be. I still enjoy most of my co-workers, although sometimes some of my faves really let me down. But my heart doesn't seem to be in it anymore. 

the Bad:

I am emotionally exhausted. I go to work, do my best to please the patients while still maintaining the healthcare standards necessary and put in place to give them the best care to my ability and within my scope of practice, and get them healthy and home as soon as possible. But I go to work, and my patience is literally about as short as the fuse on a Bobcat (firecracker that is). It takes about 3 seconds of an unable-to-be-satisfied-patient's bad attitude to make me want to just go home immediately. Unfortunately in those moments, patients still need their nurses to get better and get home, so emergency emotional-breakdown-on-the-verge-Rachael moments, don't come with a quick solution at all hours of the night/morning. 

I used to go to work everyday, and think about how blessed I am that I am not the sick one in the bed. That I was privileged enough to be able to go to school, had worked hard enough to graduate, and now get to go to work every single day to help make people's lives better. Yes, even the 6 year old who I have to put an IV in, yes even that child, I get to do what I can to make that kid's life better. Here lately, I still find myself blessed that I am well, and able to care for those that aren't. But each shift feels more like a routine, like a cycle, like I am a hamster stuck in this wheel called life. The only relief from what has seemingly become an episode of my life stuck on constant repeat, is sleep. 

the Ugly:

I am mentally exhausted. I bring it home. I take it to my best friend's house. I take it to my Mom's. I have to hide it in church, where I should feel most free to be most transparent, I hide it best. I am tired at weird times all the time. It makes me moody sometimes. I am very impatient with people. I am easily annoyed with pointless (in my opinion) stories and wasted time. Sleeping all day, even on my nights off, because I have no motivation, I have few friends here, and we typically live on opposite schedules. I would not consider myself a clinically depressed person, I still find joy in simple things, and I can still sport a smile like a champ, but I guarantee I smile a significant amount less than a year ago. I notice it, I notice the increased negativity, and am unable to find the means to change it.  And I strongly believe working nights can assume part of that blame. As well as the devil himself.



I am spiritually exhausted. My faith in God has not faltered, not one bit. But, I don't strive to feed it. I don't just sit down and read my Bible anymore. I used to always make a point of it, even if it meant reading on my break at work, I would always find time to sit and at least read a chapter or two. It was important, very important to me. Seems I got comfortable where my relationship with Christ was, and I pushed it aside, I don't make it a priority anymore. I used to be able to attend Thursday night Bible study with the ladies as well as Wednesday morning coffee. But even those are few and far between anymore. But simply put, I don't spend as much time hanging out with God as I used to. And that is wearing on me. That is the ugliest part of me right now. 

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If you're reading this. Maybe you are finding yourself in a similar struggle or slump. Welcome. You are so incredibly not alone. In fact, before reading this blog, before realizing there is someone else out there with some of the similar struggles, God was there. He is always there. I never forget that, not anymore. But sometimes I feel Him closer than other times. Not because He moves away from me, but because I find myself drifting away from Him. 



Instead of worrying about whether I am on day shift or night shift, pray for my walk with God. Instead of asking me why I am still single, pray for my Mr. Forever. Instead of wondering if I am getting more (enough) sleep, pray that I am getting more God-time, and in correlation acquiring more patience at work, at home, and just in my all-around life. Starting with my poor roommate that never gets to see me, but when she is unfortunate enough to have a run-in with me, it is usually not the most pleasant experience from her end I am sure. Sorry Becca. 

As I continue trying to find myself in this crazy world, I pray I continue my endeavor to find more and more of God. I pray that my family, co-workers, friends, and acquaintances will accept my sincere apology for my recent setbacks in my faith, attitude, and all-around peace.

Lastly, get yourself to church. Fellowship with my believing peers keeps me sane. Do yourself a favor, and get to church. It is free, family-friendly, and necessary. 

"For where 2 or 3 are gathered together in My name, there I am in the midst of them." 
-Matthew 18:20 KJV

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord." 
-Colossians 3:16 

Now, enjoy some of the not-so-random video links I post at the end of each blog. #sofittingrightnow

Stand ~ Britt Nicole 

Hurricane ~ Natalie Grant  

My Deliverer ~ Mandisa

Thank you for reading! May God bless you in every way today and throughout your life. 

Dear China, Thanks for Stealing my Pastor

'Stealing.' Maybe that was a bit harsh. But just let the record show that that is an honest reflection of my attitude when I first heard about their future endeavors to that far away place, initially of course.

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July 10th, 2016 was the last Sunday that our previous Senior pastor and his wife attended our church prior to leaving for China.

When this adventure was still in the works, when I was first made aware of it being quite a possibility, God willing, I had quite mixed feelings. Here is why.

1) I am selfish.

2) I was in awe.

3) Still in awe.

4) I was so incredibly excited for them and their future plans, this big, crazy, exciting step, that I couldn't even possibly think of anything more perfect for their next step in their lives together. (And obviously God agrees, as all has worked out so well thus far!) 

5) But still, I was selfish.


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Let's start at the beginning though, the first day I heard about 

this exciting new adventure in their life:

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March 13th, 2016
I remember that Sunday as if it were yesterday! Sunday school finished, and Marcia and Sarah were having a conversation about someone working for her in the nursery. I followed Sarah back there and told her after I ran the powerpoint for worship, I would be right down and replace her. She said something to the effect of, 'no, that's okay.' But of course I did it anyway! I love kids y'all, and would do it every single Sunday. 

As Pastor Steve began to close his sermon, I notice that Sarah gets real quiet, stands up close to the speaker to hear better, and then I overhear, "I am resigning as senior pastor...." I tell her, "Get out. Go out there." She is already in tears and I am about to be.  I couldn't make myself believe it to be true. My friend, wife, and their daughters were going to be moving at the end of the month. And now this news is thrown at me?? (see, selfish.) And by me, I mean, our church body, as a whole. No one was singled out. I am 99% sure I cried about it the very moment I learned about it. I was in the nursery, snuggling with some precious girls when what I thought to be a weird dream registered and started to return to reality. As that occurred, I just hugged those girls closer.

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I cried about it again when Pastor Steve spoke about it a couple Sundays before his last here as senior pastor. 
I teared up, every time someone at work or the grocery store asked me about it.
And again on July 10th, their last Sunday.
Ooops, yup. Yet again at their going away party. (Also July 10th).

Okay, you get it. I am an emotional wreck and a big cry baby.

I didn't cry because they were going to China. I didn't even cry because they were leaving. 
I cried because they wouldn't be here anymore. (There is a difference, I promise, but again, selfish reasons.) I cried thinking of the empty spot in the sanctuary, wondering who God would send our way. Knowing that no matter who was sent our way, that was who was supposed to be here, but still knowing they had some big shoes to fill. (No offense Pastor Steve.) Let's just say, the bar of expectation has been set pretttttty high.

But, on the reals. I am so excited for them. I know God has had His hand in all of the events leading up to this decision, and will continue to guide them on this exciting new adventure halfway across the world! I wrote a letter, to both of them (and then a short one to their whole family), things that I wanted to, and need to say to you, but you're gone now. So you get to be victims of one of my open letters, sorry not sorry.

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First, a message to Pastor Steve: 

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Pastor Steve,

You have been nothing but light in my life here in Ulysses. From the times I came to church with Susanna and Jonathan before I actually moved down here, until you left; you never made me feel anything less than welcome. You know how to make a person smile. I rarely saw you without one, and that alone helps raise spirits and form smiles in others around you, but on top of that you are a genuinely kind and God-serving man.

On numerous occasions you complimented me. About anything, my singing, my smile, my attitude, whatever it was that day, you found something. And, like you, I always sort of brushed it off. I am definitely never going to win an award for 'greatest at accepting compliments.' On your last Sunday, as I was hugging you for the 30th time at your going away party, you again told me in my ear, 'You are so awesome.' You know some of (what I consider to be) my darkest 'secrets.' Being a pastor kind of opens a door to a lot of people's darkest times in their lives. And you knew mine, at least the gist of it/them. And yet, you never once seemed to be 'judgy', or disproving. You always, always, always greeted me with open arms and a smile. And simply loved. You always show love wherever you go.



I also genuinely appreciate the many Sunday mornings when I would come early for prayer with you and our equally dedicated Pastor Bob. Every single Sunday you prayed for marriages, for keeping the marriage bed holy, etc. And almost every single Sunday, you also prayed for the singles in our church. (Me!) You prayed that God would bring a partner alongside, or if we were 'called to be single' that we would live for Him either way. You don't know this, but every single time you prayed for us 'singles' I wept. Every time. I struggle so much with trying to let go of past mistakes and lingering regrets, as well as find a happy medium between where and when to put myself out there and when to hold back a little, like maybe if I put a little more effort into it, I can rush God's revealing of the spouse He has planned for me. I struggle daily, with the fact that here I am still single and 25. I tell everyone I am old, because some days it feels that way. I sometimes get stuck in the lull that consists of sleeping, working, eating, and repeat. 

Sundays, especially with you, your wife, and daughter, always made for a great break from the 'lull.' And though they now will not consist of seeing you all every Sunday, and even though I work at least half of the Sundays each month, I still see it as a day of refuge, recharging, regenerating joy, and a day to be reminded of all that Christ did for me. 

Everything about you, even the Moses hair (LOL!) has been a great example of Jesus' love to me, this church, and our community. I say yes, even the 'Moses hair' because even with that, you have shown us that sometimes we do the things we do because of the love we have for those that love us. And if you can glorify God, by loving your wife and the fact that she loves your beard, then so be it, that is just perfect. Having attended the 'send-off' party for y'all, seeing how many other churches' pastors attended, and other people in the community, really opened my eyes even more to the oneness that you have liked about this community and it's churches.



Initially, when I heard y'all were leaving...it was seriously like, uh, the end of the world. At least my Ulysses world, as I knew it. I will miss your great attitude, and your incredibly vast knowledge of God's Word. I am beyond excited though, for your travels and experiences to and in China. As the days are crossed off the calendar, I can imagine you are more and more excited! You are awesome!

Praying for you always.

You are deeply missed already,
Rachael Ann

P.S. I apologize for calling it a 'man bun.'


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Now, for a message to his better half and perfect compliment:

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Dear sweet sweet Marcia,

In my mind, always the pastor's wife. But also, always the sister with whom I enjoyed several morning prayer coffees with. The sister who was not afraid to pipe up in Sunday school, about whatever topic we were addressing and learning about at the time. The sister who was always smiling. You are never afraid to be honest though. Sometimes while hugging you, I would ask how you were doing. Sometimes I got, 'great!' 'good!' etc. Sometimes you replied with, 'okay.' And that, though saddened my heart for you in that moment, gave me hope always. You are such a happy woman, with a joyous spirit, but even the happiest of people have 'okay' days too.

You have brought me so much joy, on numerous occasions. Your quirky sense of humor, brings nothing but smiles to anyone around experiencing it first hand. It is a perfect mix with the more serious, though less seen side of Marcia. But I love both sides. So keep em both around for sure. Your joy and loving manner are my favorite of all of your amazing qualities.

I did not get to spend as much time outside of Sunday mornings with you and your family as I would have liked to (thanks adulthood), but the times I did were always such a blessing. The numerous trips to Downtown, (which is closed now, super sad.) the times you guys would have us over for lunch, or cards, or whatever. Sunday night Bible studies, and the time I stopped by AWANA. But my most favorite memories, are from morning prayer coffee with you gals. And I am so sad that I was unable to attend the last several before y'all left. I loved hearing about how Steve did the laundry, or dishes, or made you breakfast, or coffee, and on the cold mornings, started your car for you. I loved hearing you talk about your spouse, and see your love for him shine in your eyes. 

I also remember before I really got to know you, camping at Meade Lake with you, Sarah, and Steve ( or as you sometimes refer to him as: Swannie). That was the first non-church event that I had ever attended with y'all. I remember walking over to the restrooms with these near strangers, and feeling just as welcome as if we were truly sisters. Thank you for that. That is one of the first, and one of my favorite memories with you! 

I have heard that being a Pastor's wife has it's challenges. No one can deny that. You maintain the part well. You are an amazing wife to Pastor Steve. You both compliment each other so insanely well. I could not imagine a better-matched couple. God knew what He was doing when He brought your two lives into intersection. It will be hard to picture life here at FBC without you. You have a way of bringing a smile to literally every face in the building. Life will be a little weirder without you than with you. But for as well as you played the part of 'pastor's wife', I am excited for you to delve into being God's daughter, Steve's wife, Caleb and Sarah's mom, and all your other titles, with some needed relief from your role as 'Pastor's Wife.' Though you never complained, and showed no sign of the burden, I know it was there. You are a smart woman, and being a student will continue to look just as good on you now as it did when you were 'the pastor's wife.'

If I can ever get a Tuesday night off, and am able to return to Wednesday morning prayer coffee with our sisters in Christ, I know it will be a different experience without you. Not better, not worse, just different. Your uplifting spirit will be missed! I have seen your contagious joy affect many people around me, always positively. I am excited for you to be able to share it with many others as you travel to China, and especially after you arrive. Can't wait to hear the stories of new friends, crazy adventures, and touched hearts. 

Praying for you always.

Love you so, and miss you already,
Rachael Ann

P.S. You are a rockstar Marcia!

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Like I said, I am selfish. Sometimes when hugging and visiting with Pastor Steve and Marcia each Sunday, I had to force some excitement for their plans out. Not always was it genuine. My second favorite family in Ulysses was going to pack up their life and move elsewhere. I have survived. It has only been a couple weeks. I have only been in church one Sunday since they started their adventure around the US to see family and friends before going to China. (I have only been once because I was on vacay in Michigan, [which I will blog about soon!] not because of a ripple effect of their leaving, causing me also to leave.) That one Sunday was just two days ago in fact, and it went well. We were also missing our worship leader, so as one could imagine, getting sound figured out (when the 2 people that ran it in the past were missing) was an adventure. One that we conquered like champs, might I add!

Anyway. Though life without Steve and Marcia is going to be different, and sometimes we get stuck in a comfortable rut and never want change, I am equally excited for what this change will bring the church, and what this change in their lives will bring for them. Ruts ain't good for anybody.

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So to Pastor Steve and his delightful and loving family,

I miss you. I don't hate China. I am so glad Gad has worked out everything thus far with your pre-adventuring. I love you all so much. Thank you for your impact while you were here, and for the impact you will continue to make, even though we will be continents and states apart. 

Could not thank you all enough for your impact in my life with 100 blog posts, but thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Praying for you always!

Forever missing the Spam Fam, and the Spam Fam van as well,
Rachael Ann

P.S. Where does that van reside now anyway?

   

'Tell me, what is it you plan to do with 

your one wild and precious life?' 

-poet Mary Oliver 


Don't forget to check out these not-so-random music video links I include with each blog post! 

I Will Follow ~ Chris Tomlin             10,000 Reasons ~ Matt Redman

Overwhelmed ~ Big Daddy Weave 

Anniversaries, and my Best Sister-Frand

If we were in a room full of people, and I asked if there was a date this year that meant anything to you, everyone would raise their hands. 

Your birthday probably means a little something, even if it is just a despised day because it means another year has gone by. Or maybe a wedding anniversary, in which case racking up the years tends to bring more joy than resentment. (Not that I know from personal experience, but hey, I know a LOT of married people, and they all get all excited for another year of their wedded-ness.) Maybe the day you asked Jesus to come into your heart and life. Maybe the date is the birthday of a family member, a loved one, your child. Maybe it is the day that a loved one died. Or is it the day you were diagnosed with cancer, or even better the day you were told you were in remission? The day you wrecked your car, the day your best friend died, the day you purchased your first home. 

There are a jillion things that could have dates that hold some measure of significance to you. Some you want to remember, and some you wish you could forget. Some you relive every night in your nightmares, and some you wish you could remember even the smallest of details of. 

Two (well, three) of my 'significant' dates' anniversaries will occur in these next 2 days. 
________________

July 1st, 2008
My boss told me before leaving work last night, to not come in first thing, that they would call me when they needed me. So this morning, I stayed home, and hung out with the siblings. Right around lunch time is when they decide they need me up at the elevator. Just after hanging up with him, I was standing in the kitchen giving my youngest brother flack, saying I was going to wear the hat he had on his head to work today, as it was the elevator's logo on the hat, but he doesn't relent. He throws his palm to the top of his head and holds down with all his might as I tried to wrestle it off his head. So I give up, tell him goodbye, and walk over to work. 

 (Simon and one of his beloved kittens in June 2008)

Little did I know what was going to transpire over the span of the next 18(ish) hours. Of course hindsight is 20/20, but I would literally give a limb, or 4, to go back and hang out with him the rest of the day, an hour longer, a couple more minutes, anything. 

 (Simon and I in June, 2008)

We are having quite a busy afternoon, with trucks dumping over at the Garvey elevator and at the main elevators. Suppertime comes and goes, and as the sun is dancing with the horizon, my boss comes into the main office from over by the Garvey elevator and tells me there is an ambulance across the street from my house. He says it looks like my youngest brother wrecked his bike, might have broken his leg. My jaw slowly drops for a second, then clenches back shut tight with concern. I peek out there, see the ambulance, come back inside, and debate internally with leaving or staying to earn a couple bucks. 

The money wins this time, never again though, never again.

Turns out he had been ran over by a semi and trailer, and they end up flying Simon to Wichita, where he later dies, (July 2nd, 2008) on an operating room table prior to surgery, having too much internal bleeding, his poor body had compensated as long as it possibly could, but by the time they were in the operating room, it was already too late. (You can read more about that night/morning in my blog An Open Letter to my 17-year-old Self.)


July 2nd, 1995 
The date that one of my bestest friends escaped her mother's womb into this crazy world. Do I myself remember this date per se? Nope. I didn't meet her until several years later, and I couldn't even tell you the date that I met this little bombshell, but I can tell you I didn't forget it intentionally! This girl has been there for me through it all. Her house was where I went that day in 2008. It was her birthday, and such a horrible day for me, but I welcomed the distraction. I welcomed finding anything and everything I possibly could to occupy my mind and keep the emotions from rumbling in my lungs and rolling down my cheeks. I don't remember much from that day, but I remember walking through the door and being hugged by her mother, for what seemed like just the right amount of time. 

 (Tier and I at the Logan Co fair 2012)

I can't say we always got along, everyone fights sometimes, but I honestly cannot remember what a single fight was about. So we loved enough to get over those at least. 

She was also where I turned to occupy myself after I wrecked my car the following January. I stayed over at her house many a night. It became such a habit, that I didn't even really have to ask anymore. I would still have to call home to Mom and ask permission from her, but I was pretty much invited over there whenever I wanted to be. 
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So, that anniversary is always one mixed with sorrow and joy. I will always be sad. I will always miss Simon, sometimes just speaking his name wells up some big ole tears. There are memories, and a lot of them, but not enough, I will always wish for more. But, joy, because he is in heaven. He is dancing with Jesus everyday. And even more joy, because though something awful happened on this date 8 years ago, it is still my best friend's birthday! And she deserves a celebration for sure!

 (Tier and I hanging out on Andrew's day of birth!)

So, to my dearest best friend, I wrote you a letter. It is short, and mostly sweet (kidding, all sweet!) But mostly, I just want to tell you that I love you bff!
__________________

Tierney Kaylene, 

You mean the world to me. You have seen me at my worst, and what some would call my best. You rode with me many mornings to school, and sometimes you even got to drive. Sometimes when you drove exciting things happened. Good times, good times. Many hours spent walking around our little town. Four-wheeler escapades. Feeding livestock at the corrals. Making s'mores in the microwave. Sleeping in the living room(s), both upper and lower. Celebrating Thanksgiving down at the motel in Russell Springs. Many times hanging out at Grandma Debbie's house. Riding rides together at the Logan Co fair. You coming to church with me. My parent's 25th anniversary party. Listening to Johnny and June by Heidi Newfield ...over, and over and over and over again with your Momma. Your graduation party. So many good times, too many to list them all, but I got off to a good start there!

You are going to be an amazing nurse, because you are smart as a whip, and you have a kind heart that cares for others, especially in their weakest and lowest times.You will be a wonderful asset to the healthcare system wherever you decide to settle down at. 

You are, and will forever be, my best friend and sister. Life ain't always beautiful, but mine is when you're around. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on, a lent hand, a contagious smile, and joyful laugh. You make my world a better place. You have grown up soooo much since we first met, and I have enjoyed it all. We don't see each other near often enough, but when we do finally get together, we catch up in mere minutes, and then it is like we were never apart.

Thank you for being beautiful.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for accepting me with all my baggage.
Thank you for helping me carry my baggage.
Thank you for loving me.

I love you so much dear friend and cannot wait to see what this next year, and the rest of our future brings. (I think I can hear wedding bells and babies crying...)

Happy 21st birthday(tomorrow), sweet friend.

So much love, 
RachyAnn

P.S. You're stuck with me for the rest of time. Sorry, not sorry.
P.P.S. We need an updated pic together.
          That is all. Love you!!!

The Gift of a Friend ~ Demi Lovato

God Gave Me You ~ Blake Shelton

Friends are Friends Forever ~ Michael W Smith

Father's Day

Heavenly Father

True fatherhood is grounded in the basis of God's being---in the basis of God the Father relating to the Son and the Spirit. Human fatherhood is but an imperfect symbol of this transcendent reality. The Fatherhood of God is not inconsequential of alterable, for it is the primary basis by which God has determined that believers will relate to Him: 'I will receive you, and will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord God Almighty.' 2 Corinthians 6:17-18
 
God reveals Himself as 'Father' throughout the Old Testament of the Bible. (Jeremiah 3:19). This was also a term Jesus used when addressing Him (John 17)
 


Earthly fathers
Fathers in the Bible were supreme authoritative figures in their families. With just a word, they could determine the fate of their offspring. But they were also encouraged to be patient (Ephesians 6:4), to love unconditionally, to forgive without strings attached, and to give abundantly. (Luke 15:11-32)
 
Fathers have unique access to their children's hearts. Their tender love and intentional leadership can build confidence and instill character like nothing else. On the other hand, harsh words and emotional distance can devastate even the most resilient kiddos.
 
Scriptures present a tender side of fatherhood: 
In Matthew, a temple official came to Jesus frantic for his daughter's healing. (Matthew 9:18-26)
 
In Genesis and 2 Samuel, Jacob and David display deep sorrow at the loss of their sons. (Genesis 37:33-35 2 Samuel 13:35-39)
 
In Genesis and Matthew, Noah and Joseph (Jesus' earthly father) followed God's direction and provided escapes from danger for their children. (Genesis 7:5, Matthew 2:13-23) 
 
But fathers in the Bible weren't perfect; they made their mistakes:  
In 1 Samuel we see where Eli did not set limits for his sons. (1 Samuel 2:12 & 3:13)
 
In 2 Samuel we see that David doesn't make time to spend much with his children, and how he certainly did not live an exemplary life before them. (2 Samuel 12:13,14 & 24:10)

 

Mother's impact on fathers
A mother helps to fashion a good father. She makes him feel loved and accepted, treating him with respect. she shows respect for his position of leadership. She does not undermine his authority, she offers encouragement, reflective interaction, and supportive interest.
 
Reminders for fathers, found in the Bible
1) It is important to make your child(ren) feel wanted (Psalm 127:3-5)
 
2) You are to instruct your child(ren) (Deuteronomy 6:1-9, Proverbs 4:1 & 6:20)
 
3) Train your child(ren) (Psalm 78:5-7, Proverbs 22:6)
 
4) Correct your child(ren) (Proverbs 13:24)
 
The shelter and security provided by a godly father should give their children freedom for growth without overprotection from challenges or tasks that teach responsibility. (1 Samuel 3:1-10)
  
I do believe that the most immediate and potentially impactful way a father can love his child(ren) is by loving their mother well. Children are always watching, listening, and feeling the way their mothers are loved by their fathers. They hear how their father speaks about their mother when she isn't around. They learn how their father respects their mother by observing it directly---even when they don't think their children are watching. They see how their father loves their mother when she is hurting, after they've had an argument, and when they laugh together. They see their father give himself up for their mother, sacrificing their agendas to better serve her more selflessly. (Ephesians 5:25-27)



My father 
If you know me on a personal level, and have for at least a moderate amount of time, then you have probably come into contact with my father at some point in our relationship. He is a humble guy. A guy who sometimes will let you know exactly what he thinks about your wardrobe choices for the day. (Unless it's  me, then it is ALWAYS, he always lets me know how he feels about my wardrobe choices, even if it is to a woman at church who happens to be a good friend of mine with a huge heart, and is also married to a doctor that I work alongside with quite often at work.) In family pictures, you are guaranteed that someone will receive bunny ears from Pops, and if no one will allot him the pleasure, then he will just throw 'em up behind his own head, it's 'tradition,' just ask him!



Sometimes he calls me 20 times in 1 day. Sometimes he wishes I would just 'go back to Ulysses' when he decides he has had enough of my company. He sometimes gets mad, and usually is a total control freak. He wants the pickup moved, just so, and probably secretly wishes that the cows would walk in a certain order while we are moving them from pasture to pasture. But let me tell ya, he loves; he loves unconditionally. After all the heck that I have given him growing up, (and even more so now that I am out of the house), I am glad that we don't even have to say out loud that I am his favorite daughter. (Parents you shouldn't have favorites, so all kidding aside, I do not condone favoritism amongst your offspring.)

Don't worry, I was spanked as much, (if not more than) the rest of my siblings. Well, with disregard to the last two, because I am pretty sure they have only been beat like twice in all of their lives. Younger siblings these days, am I right?
 
Back in December, if you have followed my blog at that time, you read about the moment where for just a second, I thought my earthly father may possibly not be with us any longer. If you didn't, you can read about it in my blog Nothing is Beyond the Reach of God's Hands and read about his hospital stay/updates/progress in reverse chronological order Pop's Hospital Adventures.
 
I am glad to announce he is doing much better. He has taken some necessary to be removed weight off, and is usually following his medication and diet regimen that was ordered by his doctor, but sometimes he does get a bit slacky in that department.
 
I was reading in Ephesians the other day, and it was extremely fitting for fathers:
"See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess, but be filled with the Spirit; speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." Ephesians 5:16-21

The best earthly father is one who has a vibrant fellowship and always strengthening relationship with the heavenly Father and therefor has access to the Lord's unlimited wisdom and vast resources. I love to see how my Pops shows God's love to strangers and family alike. He is such an inspiration and I am beyond blessed to claim him as my father.

To Dads worldwide

No one has the perfect father, therefor no one is the perfect father. You may think you have/had the worst father in the entire planet, but I promise you didn't. And even if he was as awful as you make him sound like, who cares. He is who he is and you cannot change that. But what you can do, is strive daily to be a better husband, better father, and better son of God. You can do you better when Jesus is in your heart. Encourage your children, build them up, teach them about the love of Jesus. Put it in action as you instruct them about it. Discipline your children in love. In case you missed it, mostly your children need love. Love them with all your heart as often as you get the opportunity to do so.

Good Good Father ~ Chris Tomlin             Just the Way I Am ~ Big Daddy Weave

Through My Father's Eyes ~ Holly Starr

22 Things I Learned Growing Up In an 'Abnormally Large' Family

Things I have learned coming from a family of 11. You read that right. 9 kids, 2 parents. Wouldn't trade one of them for any amount of gold, but maybe 3! Just kidding!! I love 'em all! Here's a couple things coming from what the world considers a 'large' family has taught me. Of course, the lessons are endless, but here are a couple that come to mind right away. Don't pay any attention to the order they are listed, that is completely unrelated to supremacy, just like our birth order. :)

1) You can take a cold shower without writing home about it. You're used to being the 3rd in line to the only bathroom in the house, and no, siblings #1&2 never learned how to take a shorter shower, no matter how many times you've whined to them over the years. Thankfully, for many of the years after I graduated from evening bath time to morning showers, I was the #1 or #2, sorry guys! But my showers were pretty short, so I blame the other guy! 

2) You don't get upset when you get stuck with the dog pillow, you know the one. Not the pillow the dog uses, but the pillow-pet that is the reject of the mound of pillows, that whomever got last dibs was rewarded with. You're not mad, because that means the house is full, full of people, all of them using the good pillows of course.

3) When your sibling gets upset and storms out of a card game, you can just let it happen and not feel guilty about it, They will get over the loss, eventually. And just when they do, don't worry, you will remind them ASAP! One day, they will mature, like the rest of them. (Excluding me of course!) 

 

4) It's okay to be mad with jealousy when your youngest sister gets a full-sized bed, when all you had growing up was a twin bed, top bunk, because that's all you had room for. It is also okay to call dibs on the other half of that bed every time you come home too. You know that with her being the youngest, she has probably suffered the brunt of the picking, so she can have that full-sized bed, she may have earned it. But since she's the youngest, you're still her elder and you can still demand sharesies on the bed.

5) You really don't need a big house and lots of extra 'stuff'. Storage is quite limited when you grow up in a 3-bedroom home with 7 siblings under one roof. (No I didn't forget how to count, my oldest sister had graduated from high school and just started her freshman year of college when my youngest sibling was born.) So you learn at an early age that unless you want to sleep with it every night and nap time that you can live without that extra baby doll, newer cd player, newest and coolest sneakers, and better camera. 

6) When you don't pass math class, your iPad may get confiscated by Momma, and yes your adult siblings do get to call dibs on ownership until you get that grade back up. (Using my youngest brother as an example here, math was a strong-suit of mine that I am unashamed about! Thanks to Mrs. Johnson, I graduated from high school, and actually started missing math classes when I got to college!) 

7) You will forever answer to your siblings' name(s). Every day in school and church, and at home for that matter, was a guessing game for whomever was beckoning the beckoned. Susanna, Rachael, Rebecca, err Rose! Get in here! Just the other day in fact, I was called Rebecca, by someone who has never met my sister, and I answered anyway, then corrected them. 

8) When you grow up in a small town, and have a large family, your parents will get 'talked to' a lot more frequently. Coaches, teachers, other kids' parents, etc. They have to deal with more than your average number of run-ins with people who think they can parent better than them, so go ahead and obey them every now and then, God commands it. (Well He commands that we do it at all times, but none of us are perfect. Just do your best to do so always.)

9) You have your own 'mini-crowd' at sporting events, like a souped-up sub-crowd amongst the many humans in the stands. No matter how many people are yelling, you will ALWAYS hear your Dad's voice above them all. By the time the 4th child (that's me!) is making her way through her sports years, he has not only mastered the yell, but also how to shift his farming and ranching chores around your sports schedule, so no, he probably won't be missing your game tonight, sorry not sorry! 

10) Always wear sneakers when going home, for any holiday, special event, or random trip. I have a lot of siblings, and they have been reproducing since 2009, so home is generally quite busy with children everywhere, and I LOVE IT!! But sneakers are a necessity to the chasing and camaraderie that we face each holiday at home! 

11) It doesn't take a holiday or special occasion to bring everyone home for Momma's cooking and some good ole sibling verbal and physical rivalry, and love. No matter what day of the year it is, if you don't make it home when the rest of the bunch does, you missed a lively time. 

12) If you want extra things, literally anything that is not a necessity, or even just a nicer brand of the community shampoo, you're going to have to get a job at a young age. Mom and Pop don't have money lying around or growing on trees, same as every other parent in America, but every other parent doesn't have to pinch pennies as hard as those trying to raise 9 kids on one income. 

13) It won't kill you to work that job for those extra things. This will help you mature quicker and be more responsible with your money at an early age. Whatever you do, do it for the Lord.

14) You probably won't be getting a car for your 16th birthday like all the other teens in your town. Or for graduation. Or for college. No, you will get a hand-me-down, or whatever you can afford with the money you have saved from your job in #13, if you have been wise with your money that is. Take care of whatever car God does place in your hands, because it may be the only one you will have for the next 2,3, maybe even 5+ years. 

15) Don't ever take a loved one for granted. You cannot know how much time someone you love has on this earth. Don't take too much offense to people's reactions when you tell them you have 8 siblings, and they respond with, "that's a lot!" or 'that's too many!' They haven't walked a lifetime in your shoes, and wouldn't respond that way if they had. They also wouldn't respond that way if they knew you would give anything to have your youngest sibling back to add to the chaos you call love. 

16) You won't always make your Dad proud. There are 9 of you kids, someone will always make him proud, but in every moment it won't be you. You can hang your head for that moment, and that's okay. Just remember what you did wrong, learn from it, and do your best not to repeat it again. 

17) Life without television never hurt anyone. Having 9 kids, you can imagine the fights we had, but if we had a TV, we would never agree on one thing to watch, ever. So our parents not buying a tv was actually a huge blessing. Plus, it meant more playing outside!

18) Dad is always right, until he isn't. But you don't get to inform him otherwise until you have learned to do so respectfully. 

19) No matter what, Mom is ALWAYS right. Don't argue with her, it will be breath quite wasted trying to prove yourself correct over her.

20) No matter how many times you tell her otherwise, Momma doesn't have a favorite child, but she might have a couple. Just kidding! No favorites allowed, God's instruction. You may never know how, but your Momma is a boss at dividing her love amongst her husband, her 9 children, and her now 7 grandkiddos! Take notes, maybe someday you will understand! 

21) No matter how many times and regardless of severity of the disappointment, Mom and Dad will still love you, no matter what you have done. Their love is unconditional and limitless. Don't take advantage of that and be a full-time rebel, but rest assured, even when you mess up, they will be waiting with open arms and an open heart. And it pains them just as much to beat your bottom as it does for you to receive the spankings, beltings, bootings, etc. 

22) You can never love too much. Open your heart as much as you can as often as you can, because every sibling (everyone in the world for that matter) can use some extra love always. Love honestly, love toughly when necessary, love openly, and love more.