Anniversaries, and my Best Sister-Frand

If we were in a room full of people, and I asked if there was a date this year that meant anything to you, everyone would raise their hands. 

Your birthday probably means a little something, even if it is just a despised day because it means another year has gone by. Or maybe a wedding anniversary, in which case racking up the years tends to bring more joy than resentment. (Not that I know from personal experience, but hey, I know a LOT of married people, and they all get all excited for another year of their wedded-ness.) Maybe the day you asked Jesus to come into your heart and life. Maybe the date is the birthday of a family member, a loved one, your child. Maybe it is the day that a loved one died. Or is it the day you were diagnosed with cancer, or even better the day you were told you were in remission? The day you wrecked your car, the day your best friend died, the day you purchased your first home. 

There are a jillion things that could have dates that hold some measure of significance to you. Some you want to remember, and some you wish you could forget. Some you relive every night in your nightmares, and some you wish you could remember even the smallest of details of. 

Two (well, three) of my 'significant' dates' anniversaries will occur in these next 2 days. 
________________

July 1st, 2008
My boss told me before leaving work last night, to not come in first thing, that they would call me when they needed me. So this morning, I stayed home, and hung out with the siblings. Right around lunch time is when they decide they need me up at the elevator. Just after hanging up with him, I was standing in the kitchen giving my youngest brother flack, saying I was going to wear the hat he had on his head to work today, as it was the elevator's logo on the hat, but he doesn't relent. He throws his palm to the top of his head and holds down with all his might as I tried to wrestle it off his head. So I give up, tell him goodbye, and walk over to work. 

 (Simon and one of his beloved kittens in June 2008)

Little did I know what was going to transpire over the span of the next 18(ish) hours. Of course hindsight is 20/20, but I would literally give a limb, or 4, to go back and hang out with him the rest of the day, an hour longer, a couple more minutes, anything. 

 (Simon and I in June, 2008)

We are having quite a busy afternoon, with trucks dumping over at the Garvey elevator and at the main elevators. Suppertime comes and goes, and as the sun is dancing with the horizon, my boss comes into the main office from over by the Garvey elevator and tells me there is an ambulance across the street from my house. He says it looks like my youngest brother wrecked his bike, might have broken his leg. My jaw slowly drops for a second, then clenches back shut tight with concern. I peek out there, see the ambulance, come back inside, and debate internally with leaving or staying to earn a couple bucks. 

The money wins this time, never again though, never again.

Turns out he had been ran over by a semi and trailer, and they end up flying Simon to Wichita, where he later dies, (July 2nd, 2008) on an operating room table prior to surgery, having too much internal bleeding, his poor body had compensated as long as it possibly could, but by the time they were in the operating room, it was already too late. (You can read more about that night/morning in my blog An Open Letter to my 17-year-old Self.)


July 2nd, 1995 
The date that one of my bestest friends escaped her mother's womb into this crazy world. Do I myself remember this date per se? Nope. I didn't meet her until several years later, and I couldn't even tell you the date that I met this little bombshell, but I can tell you I didn't forget it intentionally! This girl has been there for me through it all. Her house was where I went that day in 2008. It was her birthday, and such a horrible day for me, but I welcomed the distraction. I welcomed finding anything and everything I possibly could to occupy my mind and keep the emotions from rumbling in my lungs and rolling down my cheeks. I don't remember much from that day, but I remember walking through the door and being hugged by her mother, for what seemed like just the right amount of time. 

 (Tier and I at the Logan Co fair 2012)

I can't say we always got along, everyone fights sometimes, but I honestly cannot remember what a single fight was about. So we loved enough to get over those at least. 

She was also where I turned to occupy myself after I wrecked my car the following January. I stayed over at her house many a night. It became such a habit, that I didn't even really have to ask anymore. I would still have to call home to Mom and ask permission from her, but I was pretty much invited over there whenever I wanted to be. 
__________________

So, that anniversary is always one mixed with sorrow and joy. I will always be sad. I will always miss Simon, sometimes just speaking his name wells up some big ole tears. There are memories, and a lot of them, but not enough, I will always wish for more. But, joy, because he is in heaven. He is dancing with Jesus everyday. And even more joy, because though something awful happened on this date 8 years ago, it is still my best friend's birthday! And she deserves a celebration for sure!

 (Tier and I hanging out on Andrew's day of birth!)

So, to my dearest best friend, I wrote you a letter. It is short, and mostly sweet (kidding, all sweet!) But mostly, I just want to tell you that I love you bff!
__________________

Tierney Kaylene, 

You mean the world to me. You have seen me at my worst, and what some would call my best. You rode with me many mornings to school, and sometimes you even got to drive. Sometimes when you drove exciting things happened. Good times, good times. Many hours spent walking around our little town. Four-wheeler escapades. Feeding livestock at the corrals. Making s'mores in the microwave. Sleeping in the living room(s), both upper and lower. Celebrating Thanksgiving down at the motel in Russell Springs. Many times hanging out at Grandma Debbie's house. Riding rides together at the Logan Co fair. You coming to church with me. My parent's 25th anniversary party. Listening to Johnny and June by Heidi Newfield ...over, and over and over and over again with your Momma. Your graduation party. So many good times, too many to list them all, but I got off to a good start there!

You are going to be an amazing nurse, because you are smart as a whip, and you have a kind heart that cares for others, especially in their weakest and lowest times.You will be a wonderful asset to the healthcare system wherever you decide to settle down at. 

You are, and will forever be, my best friend and sister. Life ain't always beautiful, but mine is when you're around. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on, a lent hand, a contagious smile, and joyful laugh. You make my world a better place. You have grown up soooo much since we first met, and I have enjoyed it all. We don't see each other near often enough, but when we do finally get together, we catch up in mere minutes, and then it is like we were never apart.

Thank you for being beautiful.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for accepting me with all my baggage.
Thank you for helping me carry my baggage.
Thank you for loving me.

I love you so much dear friend and cannot wait to see what this next year, and the rest of our future brings. (I think I can hear wedding bells and babies crying...)

Happy 21st birthday(tomorrow), sweet friend.

So much love, 
RachyAnn

P.S. You're stuck with me for the rest of time. Sorry, not sorry.
P.P.S. We need an updated pic together.
          That is all. Love you!!!

The Gift of a Friend ~ Demi Lovato

God Gave Me You ~ Blake Shelton

Friends are Friends Forever ~ Michael W Smith

A Open Letter to my 17-year-old Self

May 24, 2008-Your birthday is today. You will be 17, not a monumental year, but a year in which your life will be shaken and shattered and repaired. A year in which you will find hate from within you that you never knew existed, a year you will be angry, at God, at life, and at friends and family. This year you will question God over and over about a couple major events. But enough with the preview, let's lay it out for you.

Your birthday won't be a really special day, the usual cake and pictures. But you probably won't remember to thank your Mom for taking the time to make the cake, and everyone will probably be upset in the picture because our Dad sure finds the world's greatest times to pick on everyone's last nerve. But you will eat and enjoy the cake and family time none the less. You won't know at this time that this will be the last of your birthdays you will celebrate with your youngest brother. Your family is busy trying to prepare for Susanna and Jonathan's wedding.

May 31st, 2008-On this day, your second oldest sister will marry the love of her life Jonathan. You will be a bridesmaid, you will enjoy it! The reception in Annis' backyard will be beautiful and perfect. You will love the bridesmaid dress so much you're going to reuse it for your senior prom, and then again the following summer as the MOH for your best friend's wedding. You will come to find out that you love weddings, and you just cannot wait to have one of your own, and soon. Your time will come soon enough.

July 1st, 2008-On this day you will have the first part of the morning off from your local elevator where you are working for harvest, but they will call you in around lunch time. You will be reluctant to go, but know you want the money. You will talk to your youngest brother before leaving, tease him that you are going to steal his hat, and then tell him goodbye as you go to work. If you knew what would happen in the next 18 hours, you would have never left.

Later that evening your boss will come in and say there is an ambulance across the road from your house, and it looks like your little brother wrecked his bike. You, being naïve, and selfish, will be worried, but not enough to leave. Not enough to maybe get to say goodbye one last time to your brother. You think he just broke his leg or arm and will remain at the hospital in Oakley and you will be able to just drive over after work, so you stay. You make some phone calls, and probably were not beneficial to the elevator for the last few hours of work that night anyway, but you stay. You call your older sisters and let them know what you know. You call the house and find out that Mom rode in the ambulance, and that your older brother is driving to Oakley to meet them at the hospital. You get home from work, and by this time find out that they are flying Simon to Wichita. Now you are worried, now the regrets begin to pile up and the prayers start flowing. Dad gets home, and once we find out it is more serious than initially known, he decides he will drive to Wichita to be with Simon and Mom.

July 2nd, 2008-You have not slept yet, it is 3am. Your mom's best friend is here, you have been trying to be strong all night. You wish you would have asked Dad if you could go with him. You wish there was something, anything you could do right now. You then receive a phone call from your second oldest sister, who thought your older brother had called already with an update, but she then informs you that Simon has died, that you have lost the youngest love of your life. Your aunt will call and check up on you, and you will let her know the news. You have been numb, cold, and feel like you aren't even living in real life since the phone call. You don't know what to do. Before the sun rises, you cross the road and climb on top of the grain bin, and you watch the sun rise from up there, you take pictures of it, the first moments of the first day of the rest of your life without him. Knowing God is real and still present, but not knowing why He would take such a beautiful young joyful boy out of our lives. This day will mark the beginning of your struggle with anger. This day is also your best friend's birthday, and you will find solace in being at their house, they are your second family, and they are a slight distraction from reality. Today is your best friend's birthday, and today you lost your youngest brother. Today was supposed to be another normal day, and a joyous one at that, instead it has been turned upside down. Today is a day no one should have to live through. Today will forever rank as #1 worst day of your life.

Throughout the next couple days, you will be a part of the funeral planning, you will assist in picking out the perfect coffin, how morbid. How hard to look at coffins, such small coffins, different colors and designs. Songs for the funeral, and the people we wanted to speak, the pastor to head the service, the location, etc. This involved a lot of decisions that are hard for any family to make, for your 80 year old grandmother, and your 4 year old brother alike. No amount of warning before your loved one will die will make these decisions any easier. But you will keep your head up, and you will stay strong for your family.

July 7th, 2008-Today, today you see your brother, in his coffin. Today everything you have been wishing was just a bad dream becomes more than reality. Your family members from Michigan and New York are here, that has somewhat lightened the reality of the day. Today you will touch the dead cold body of your brother, and you will hug him, no matter what anyone thinks. Today you will grasp the cold lifeless hand of a 4 year old. Today you will cry more tears than you ever thought possible. Today you won't care what anyone says to you, you won't care that the school gym was more than packed, you won't care the amount of people that came to support your family in this horrible time of loss. You won't care how God has used this tragedy to touch so many lives, and hopefully turn them toward Him, as they watch your family be strong and make it through such a hard time. You won't care, because you are so angry. You will let the devil win this hand at this time, but don't worry, someday soon you will fight back. Your extended family will return to their homes, the summer will come to an end, and life will never be the same, but you try to return to life as you knew it.

August-September 2008-This month you will start your senior year of high school, and your oldest brother will start his first year of college in Colby. You will enjoy volleyball, you will enjoy your classmates, and the foreign exchange students that join your school system this year. You will walk through life as though nothing is different, at least you will think that is the face you have on. But you will be more transparent than you think, those closest to you will know that you have changed. Everyone knows what happened this summer, but no one talks about it. You don't talk about it. You wish it would all go away, you wish you could rewind life, you wish you could see his smiling face one more time. You continue to question God, you continue to be angry at Him. You will find yourself attracted to a man, and you will find yourself spending a lot of time with him, it is a distraction from real life, it is time away from your family, your home, the constant reminders of the child that no longer resides in your life. Your coach will see you though, she will see the anger on your face, she will see your reactions when she benches you in volleyball matches. In September, a family friend will give you a car, and a nice one at that, a 2002 Ford Taurus with maybe 120K miles on it, literally gifted it, you walked outside, and they handed you the key and went for a spin in it with you. You will be so happy you will cry, and you won't think it is real, but it is, take good care of that car, and make as many memories as you can in it.

Thanksgiving 2008-This was a weird one, how can we be thankful for anything when we lost someone we loved so dearly. How can we be happy today, when Simon doesn't get to be here? You will even feel guilty for being joyful during these occasions. You will hope that he isn't looking down here knowing you are all happy and thinking that you don't miss him, because you more than miss him, you cry daily still. You walk for hours on end after practice, always wishing when you returned home it would all just turn out to be a bad dream and he would be there. You will continue to spend most of your free time with your best friend who lives just a couple blocks away, and at your other friend's house, with whom you think you may be falling for.

Christmas 2008-You are in the middle of your basketball season, you are starting on the varsity team, per use. You are good this year! You haven't even fouled out of one game yet! You work hard out there, you play for your brother who will never be able to, you work out your anger and frustration out there, in the best way possible, you get super frustrated when coach Kent pulls you to give you a break on the bench, you just want to be out there all the time. You don't know it now, but this Christmas will be hard, it will be fun, and full of family, but hard. You will be in Michigan for this Christmas. This will be a great and adventurous trip for you all. Grandma and Grandpa Uptegrove will come, and Uncle Jer and Aunt Michelle and kiddos. It will be a blast, but you will still wish Simon was there. You will spend New Year's at your cousin's place of employment, and see the best firework show you have ever seen in your life up until this time. (Which will become second only to the show you will see next summer in Ohio on Independence day!)

January 2009-Back to life in Winona, USA. You return for practice while still on winter break. You practice your heart out, and maintain the starting varsity position, your passion for basketball is overwhelming and ultimately becomes first priority in your life. You enjoy late nights playing basketball with the guys and girls that you hang out with, classmates of your own, and those in the classes above and below you. At this point, you have distanced yourself a little more from them though, as you spend more time walking around, and more time with some boy.

January 14, 2009-After basketball practice today, you come home and find out that your oldest little brother wants to go to Colby to buy some shoes for basketball as he has already worn out the ones bought at the beginning of the season. Your best friend is going to ask to tag along, in hopes to see your brother, her boyfriend at this time, and you will be overjoyed to have her tag along. Your oldest little sister will come along as well! Road trip! You will buy the shoes, go to the college and see your brother in his dorm, and then run by Wendy's for food for your best friends family's supper. You will then leave Colby, though you don't remember the last two steps.

You will wake up in your car, the engine off, you are facing a field, it will be snowing lightly, you will hear screams, you don't know what is going on. You will overhear your best friend on the phone, and hear her crying, you will remember many bits and pieces, but never will know the whole story. You hear your sister screaming in the background. You will see your brother in the backseat, and then notice his seat being empty, and you will have no idea where he went. You will later find out he walked half a mile in the freezing cold to try and find help at the last house you passed. You continue to hear your sister screaming, you see blood all over the deployed air bag in front of your best friend, and start freaking out and try to get out. You remember falling, numerous times on the way to her side. You remember not being able to open her door, and falling numerous more times trying to get back your side, all the while she is crying and screaming, and your sister is also. At some point you remember pulling your mother's phone out of your jeans pocket and dialing 911, and telling them you are 16 (which you aren't) and telling them that you don't know where you are. You remember being freezing and an officer escorting you to his warm car while they awaited the arrival of the ambulance, you remember your little brother being assisted to the car when he made it back to the scene and sitting in the back seat of the same patrol vehicle. You remember being helped on to a stretcher, and being in pain on that stupid spine board the entire way to Oakley, and then you remember the awful sensation of the scissors running up your leg cutting off your favorite pair of jeans. You remember the anger and pain you felt when your shoulder hit the edge of the CT machine, and you remember being driven via ambulance to Colby, and then boarded on a plane, and waking in so much unbearable pain that you are overwhelmed with nausea, and they had to roll you over on your right side (broken collarbone side) so that you would be able to vomit and not aspirate. It was awful.

You will remember these bits and pieces, but not the whole story, you will never know the whole story. But you will know that you survived, and you survived for a reason, so let God use you.  And remember the toll that this is taking on your parents, pray for them, keep your head up and follow the doctor's orders, don't argue with your mom on this one, she knows what is best, and though you have convinced yourself otherwise, she isn't out to make your "miserable" life more miserable.

April 2009-Your senior trip to Florida is this month! Ft. Myers beach here we come. You will have a lot of fun on your trip. You will laugh until you cry numerous times. You will stand at the edge of the Atlantic ocean with your toes in the water, and you will feel the vastness of God upon you. You will look out as far as you can and never see the end of the ocean, you will just feel God's presence encompass you, His realness overwhelm you. You will draw your phone number in the sand, and some random boy will text you, and you and your classmates will meet up with him and his friends on the beach, and you will laugh more, and then text him for a couple days and move on with your life. You will return to KS and it will be back to reality, back to watching everyone else practice for track, going to meets and helping where it is needed.

Then comes prom night, you will have a fun time, you will not go to the after party, because you will want to spend time with your male friend, who has been there when you needed him, but when you get older you will wonder if it was more for his purposes and pleasure than being there for you, but you will never know. You're going to let that man do things to you that will make you ashamed of yourself and your friendship with him. You will regret it, and someday you will find it in yourself to forgive yourself for letting it happen, soon, not today, but someday soon.
 

You're going to hurt relationships with your closest friends, because you will be too busy being proccupied with a relationship you already know is going nowhere fast, and while you keep your anger at God bottled up inside, you can only hold so much in. You're going to break down and cry and poor your heart out to another good (also male) friend, and sometime later he is going to get drunk and try to kiss you, and you are going to be confused and hurt and helpless, and you wont know why, but you wont let him, good for you.

May 2009-You are going to graduate! You have done it, you have conquered the impossible. The date is looming in front of you. On the 5th day of this month you will be blessed with your first niece, she is adorable! You will love on her and can't wait to meet her. You will then graduate, and couple days after graduation you will go to Denver with your Momma and sister, to hop on a plane and go to Ohio to babysit for the summer while your preacher goes through chemo treatments at the Cleveland Clinic. You will celebrate your birthday there, you will get close with your pastor and his family, you will enjoy the summer, though it will be a challenging one, You will enjoy it nonetheless. Though at times you let your heart grow weary and your smile lax, you will enjoy it. Sidenote: you will be getting very tan this summer!

Most important of all, you are going start learning and understanding that God lets things happen for a reason, but you will still not really grasp that concept until you're 24, and even then you will struggle with understanding it.

 

Just know that these will be some of the best and some of the worst days of your life, turn to God in both. He blessed you with a great, and large, family, stand by them and let them stand by you through the good and bad days alike. Spend as much time with your family as you can, drive home often, hug your Momma goodbye every time, because life as we know it is precious, and our time on earth together is short. At the end of each day, the most important subjects in your life are God and family first and foremost, then friends, etc. But family matters. Let them know they do.

In a couple of years, you are going to meet someone who will be a huge ray of sunshine in your life, and that someone will listen to you pour your heart out in sorrow over the loss of your youngest brother, and then hug you, and then tell you this, "I hate that you lost your brother. But one day you will see him again like I'll get to see my grandfather. But I don't think it will matter. We'll finally be in the presence of God, and my own children won't be able to distract me from that. One day though...some day."

Until then, you will make it, and once you see Jesus face to face, none of the past will matter. Until then, keep praying, and be strong. You will make it through this year, and several to come. Enjoy life. Smile often, laugh always.

Love,
Your 24-year old self
 

"Mom"

As a dear friend of mine anxiously awaits the birth of her daughter (due date is tomorrow July 15th), the song below comes to mind. All children are a gift from heaven, and I dedicate this blog to that precious bundle of joy, her mother, and all you mothers out there. Though the anticipation is killing those two lovebirds, I know this baby will come when she and God are ready for her to be in this "big blue ball."

Meet Your Mom-by Garth Brooks
(video link at bottom)
A little baby told God, "Hey, I'm kinda scared
Don't really know if I want to go down there
From here it looks like a little blue ball
That's a great big place and I'm so small"
"Why can't I just stay here with You
Did I make You mad, don't You want me too?"
God said, "Oh, child, of course I do
But there's somebody special waiting for you."
---
 So, hush now baby don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting
Whose only goal in life
Is makin' sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel, tender, tough and strong
It's almost time to go and meet your mom
---
You'll never have a better friend
Or a warmer touch to tuck you in
She'll kiss your bruises, your bumps and scrapes
And anytime you hurt, her heart's gonna break
---
 Now, when she's talking to you
Make sure you listen close
'Cause she's gonna teach you everything
You'll ever need to know
Like how to mind your manners
To love and laugh and dream
And she'll put you on the path
That'll bring you back to Me
---
So, hush now little baby don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting
Whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel, tender, tough and strong
Come on child
It's time to meet your mom.

That song is so fitting and applies to every Mom and child. Every mother only wants to best for their children, only wishes to soothe their pain, prays away their fears. Mothers are the best example of love and nurturing that God has given us on this earth.









---This is one of the Bible's most quoted and well-known passages on love, and who is a better example of the extent of love that is described in that passage than mothers?

---Mothers are a source of honor, goodness, and loveliness. As in all things pure and virtuous, we are encouraged to think upon such things.

 

 

---All of us, whether we are children, or are raising them, should remember to give honor to our mothers.

---This passage praises God as the giver of children, calls them a heritage and reward from on high.

---Mothers are models of compassion, they never forget their children, and in fact the children can typically be placed before themselves, putting their own needs behind those needs of their child.

---I still remember seeing a pregnancy progress for the first time, seeing the child grow in the mother's tummy, seeing the first sonogram, up until and following the birth of that precious miracle. The role that mothers have in this process is unimaginable and perfect.

---God compares himself here to a mother, bringing the incredible comforting ability of a mother to mind.

---What your mother teaches you should be cherished.

---As children typically spend a majority of their time with their mothers, they tend to be who they learn from most. Mothers are credited and blamed. Mothers suffer the brunt of the attitudes, see the most firsts, and all around influence the child, especially early in age, the most. Mothers are God's biggest blessings to all of us.
 

---This talks about how Christ loved and cared for His mother. This is a prime example and lesson on how we should treat and show love to our mothers.











So mothers, love your children, and children love your moms. They carried you inside their tummies for months, let you beat them literally on the inside. So learn from them, soak up their instruction, and do all that you can to please God through your love and respect for your mothers.


Video link for "Meet Your Mom" by Garth Brooks ---> here!