Forgiveness

There are some things none of us can completely control; one of them is protecting our hearts every single moment of every day. We can try with all our might, all day and all night, but we can't control the way other people make us feel.  

I attended a concert the other night (a wonderful concert might I add.) It featured I Am They, Hawk Nelson, and Tenth Avenue North. (All bands I would recommend Youtube-ing if you have a couple minutes, as they have some great songs.) As the concert was winding down, Tenth Avenue North was on the stage, and their lead singer, Mike (Mike Mike Mike), was speaking an intro to one of their songs, that happens to be one of my favorites of theirs, called 'Losing'. As I am listening to his words, and then the song lyrics, listening, really hearing them, I feel my emotions start rolling down my cheeks. And then later in the show, they sang their song titled 'By Your Side' which attained the same effect. Life hasn't been all cherry blossoms and sunshine this past year, but the heavy weight that sits on my shoulder, eating away at my mind every wake second of every day, well it lingered that night as well, it was constantly at the forefront of my mind. But, as I really heard the words, as I thought about all that I have been through, all that I put myself through in the last 12 months, I felt.

I felt sadness. I felt peace. I felt hope. I felt forgiveness.

I don't know what forgiveness means to you. I don't know what you have done to need forgiving, I don't know what other people have done to you that required forgiveness. I only know what I myself have done. And most likely, just like you I could write a list an encyclopedia long about what others have done to me that I have had to forgive. That list is much easier to write than the most likely equally lengthy list of those instances in which I was the one doing wrong by others.

No one lives life believing they are innocent at all times. But I do believe that most people, most of the time, are just doing the best they can. I believe that no one intends to hurt someone they love, but somehow they do. Maybe they hurt that person once unintentionally, maybe it happened again. Maybe 20 times. At some point, what may not have seemed intentional was now intentional, as it had become motivated. Motivated by whatever you were getting in return for continuing in said sin. Maybe you don't mean to hurt, maybe you don't want to hurt them at all, but you can't get past the sin you are caught up in, and the rewards being thrown at you by Satan as you continue to do what he wants you to, what he has convinced you that you want to do.

Whether that person I wronged has forgiven me or not, that is not important, not for my sake. What is important, is have I forgiven myself? I am so quick to point out every single moment that I am wronged by someone else, moments that I need apologies for, but yet turned a blind eye to the moments where I myself was the one in the wrong. And then, when the reality of the wrongness was thrown in my face, I became a mess. I couldn't bring myself to let forgiveness wash over me, because I couldn't forgive myself.


Back to the concert. God made it known to me, in that moment, that no matter what I had told myself, no matter what that person that I had wronged had told me, no matter how many times I had apologized to that person, He had forgiven me, and I had yet to forgive myself, to totally forgive. I will never forget, but that doesn't mean that I have to live day by day continuously beating myself down every time I got up out of bed. It was a vicious cycle, and the only reason my heart and mind even attained rest, was because I slept, and even then, only because I don't dream. For weeks I reminded myself of what I had done. Then at some point, it no longer mattered what I had done, but rather the hurt I had impeded on people that I loved. 

The burden never lightened, just when I thought it might, the seemingly impossible would happen: some bitterness would gather, making the burden I bore heavier. I increasingly felt the need for forgiveness, but that whole time I felt that I needed it from the person(s) I wronged. I felt I needed that person to confront me, to tell me I was forgiven.

I just knew that if those words were spoken to me, no matter the circumstances that came along with the forgiveness, everything would be better. I just knew my biggest problem in life at the moment would have suddenly been solved.

In church we speak a lot of how Christians are to forgive, as Christ does. It is spoke of as a moral obligation, like the only natural, reasonable, and "Christian" response to being hurt. So when I don't feel like forgiving, does that make me not a Christian, no. It definitely is not the Christian thing to do, to maintain the pent-up resent, when instead we need to dissolve the grudge(s) we have against each other. We, as Christians speak of forgiveness as something that happens and we move on. This doesn't necessarily mean to go on in life, having forgotten what others have done, but rather to chalk each moment of hurt up to life's lessons, as we show grace upon that person, forgive, and go on in life. We talk about forgiveness, like it is an event, just a moment in life, but it's just not. One thing that has helped me through the day today, is to say "I'm forgiving you," rather than, "I forgive you." Because forgiveness is something I have to give myself over and over again, and with repetition, I hope it will become a habit, and I hope it will get easier over time. Because being able to forgive myself habitually, will make forgiving others easier.

While I was standing there, indulging in the lyrics of the worship songs I had heard and sung numerous times, I felt. Like a raging river the tears and regret flowed, the grace and love I am not sure I deserve rushed over me, and at the same time I felt forgiveness come rushing in. It did not make what I had done okay, but it made me mollified.

I was able, in that moment, to forgive myself.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, but it also doesn't mean brutally battling myself over what I had done in the past. Not overlooking what you have done, but rather learning from your mistake is crucial, especially when it is yourself you need to forgive. 'Forgive and forget' is easier said than done, because not only is it impossible, but forgetting could potentially be dangerous for ourselves. Sometimes the most forgiving thing we can do, for ourselves and the person who has hurt us, is to say, 'thank you for what you have taught me about myself and about life. I'm moving on.' I don't think that true forgiveness happens without justice, honesty, boundaries, space, distance, and time also occurring. And while you ensure that all of these happen concurrently, also ensure that you don't make yourself feel guilty about it. It is not a rejection of the other person, but rather a thorough acceptance of yourself. 

True forgiveness takes place when we look honestly at the ways in which we have been hurt, hand our anger over to Jesus, and let it rest with Him.

If you take only one thing from this post, make it this:

Learn to forgive yourself; until you attain self forgiveness, you will never be able to fully forgive others, as Christ has called us to do.

Philippians 4:7  'The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.'

Ephesians 4:32  'Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.'

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North            Losing - Tenth Avenue North

It Is Well With My Soul - Audrey Assad

Twenty16: Not Introducing a New Me, but a Better Me, Through Him

Ready or not, the entire last year of your life has ended, welcome to 2016. I don't know about you, but I could write for an hour about things I did last year that made my life (and others' lives) more challenging than necessary. As I look back on 2015, every challenging moment, that sticks with me, was existent only because of something I had done or something I had chose to make worthy of my putting forth an effort to. If you missed it, that was all about me. There wasn't a lot of God involved in those decisions. Don't get me wrong, I pray. I read my Bible, I go to church at least every Sunday morning. If I am off Sundays, I put forth my best attempt to be present for the Sunday evening Bible studies. I attend our ladies' Bible study when I am off Thursday evenings, and I attend our ladies' prayer coffee when I am off Tuesday nights (it is Wednesday mornings dark and early at 0645). I absolutely love to be a part of these smaller groups, I thrive on them. I enjoy reading and studying more and more of God's Word. From the time I start getting ready, until I leave the event, drive home, and park in my driveway, all I can do is smile! I get excited to attend, and I always leave refreshed and having learnt something new. That is all God, and I thrive on Him!

And yet: when Satan is knocking on my heart or making his way into my mind and life...sometimes I don't even realize it, I let him set up camp and hang out for awhile. That has come back to bite me. Things occurred in my life in 2015 that I have vowed to myself, and others, will never ever happen again. I seriously hurt a friend of mine emotionally, and that was never my intention. I have never in my life planned to hurt someone, as I suspect most people don't. Sometimes it just happens, we make decisions everyday: I did not always make the appropriate or best one. I believe good comes through every mistake God lets us make in our lives, I have learned my lesson, harshly (rightly so), and with consequences (rightly so), but nonetheless learned. I sometimes pride myself on being a good person, (though that alone is already a sin) I do believe I have a good heart, a heart set on being kind to others and building other people up, but we all make decisions, simply put, I made some wrong ones.

Being a Christian, I am aware that the sins I commit will be forgiven, in fact, have already been forgiven. That is not why I sin nor is it why I continue to defy God's commandments and will for me. I am human, I was born with sin. Though I now have been washed clean by the blood of Christ, He still gives me the right of choice. Daily, I have to make a choice to live for Him, to do everything for His glory. Sometimes I don't stick to that initial choice. Sometimes other emotions and things in life come in and fog my vision, and the path I chose when I rose out of bed may now be less clear or less desirable to me (enter Satan stage left) Sometimes the higher road requires some work and discipline, and sometimes I choose to not be cut out for it. I shouldn't, I have no excuse to do so; God has provided me with all the tools I could possibly need to fight the devil off and continue down the right path each and every day. Yet I opt out of trusting Him, out of using those tools to fight my way down the path that may require more work that day, for decisions and opportunities that make me happier in the moment, choices that were easy to make incorrectly because the devil made them more appealing and the struggle less overwhelming. Trusting God and praying is the most important thing I can ever do when being faced with a choice between right and wrong; nothing I do will ever be easier than praying to the One that is always listening. In addition to His omnipresent self, the Lord has also blessed me with a way-beyond-fantastic support system of believers all around me; a quick drive, or a couple touches on my phone screen, and someone will be there for me. 

The Bible says, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" {Romans 8:31b}


So why do I fail so easily, so often?


The Bible, in the book of John says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." {John 10:10 NIV} 

I have quite brutally suffered from letting Satan come in and try and run my life because of the decisions I have made, but not anymore! I gave that to Jesus, and have tried my best to not be that person anymore! I do not believe that today I am a totally different person from the person I was on December 31st, 2015; it being a new year does not make a new person. But throughout the past few months, God and I have been working together to bring a better me to the playing field, a better me to show His love to others. God has pushed, poked, and prodded me, using His Word, family members, friends, and my church family, to help mold me into the person you would find within me today. I can only pray and continue to strive to be an even better person, because even still at this moment, my past mistakes lurk, and sometimes steal my joy! But I must refuse to let Satan win! I will fight the good fight with the One who can never be defeated.  Going to church, attending the extra activities that my church offers, that is not what makes me a Christian, it is my believing in Him and what He did for me dying on the cross for my sins, and me living my life for Him that makes me a Christian.


Strangely Dim by Francesca Battistelli ---> hear it here!!

Greater by MercyMe ---> hear it here!

#letgoandletGod #easiersaidthandonesometimes #praypraypray

A Open Letter to my 17-year-old Self

May 24, 2008-Your birthday is today. You will be 17, not a monumental year, but a year in which your life will be shaken and shattered and repaired. A year in which you will find hate from within you that you never knew existed, a year you will be angry, at God, at life, and at friends and family. This year you will question God over and over about a couple major events. But enough with the preview, let's lay it out for you.

Your birthday won't be a really special day, the usual cake and pictures. But you probably won't remember to thank your Mom for taking the time to make the cake, and everyone will probably be upset in the picture because our Dad sure finds the world's greatest times to pick on everyone's last nerve. But you will eat and enjoy the cake and family time none the less. You won't know at this time that this will be the last of your birthdays you will celebrate with your youngest brother. Your family is busy trying to prepare for Susanna and Jonathan's wedding.

May 31st, 2008-On this day, your second oldest sister will marry the love of her life Jonathan. You will be a bridesmaid, you will enjoy it! The reception in Annis' backyard will be beautiful and perfect. You will love the bridesmaid dress so much you're going to reuse it for your senior prom, and then again the following summer as the MOH for your best friend's wedding. You will come to find out that you love weddings, and you just cannot wait to have one of your own, and soon. Your time will come soon enough.

July 1st, 2008-On this day you will have the first part of the morning off from your local elevator where you are working for harvest, but they will call you in around lunch time. You will be reluctant to go, but know you want the money. You will talk to your youngest brother before leaving, tease him that you are going to steal his hat, and then tell him goodbye as you go to work. If you knew what would happen in the next 18 hours, you would have never left.

Later that evening your boss will come in and say there is an ambulance across the road from your house, and it looks like your little brother wrecked his bike. You, being naïve, and selfish, will be worried, but not enough to leave. Not enough to maybe get to say goodbye one last time to your brother. You think he just broke his leg or arm and will remain at the hospital in Oakley and you will be able to just drive over after work, so you stay. You make some phone calls, and probably were not beneficial to the elevator for the last few hours of work that night anyway, but you stay. You call your older sisters and let them know what you know. You call the house and find out that Mom rode in the ambulance, and that your older brother is driving to Oakley to meet them at the hospital. You get home from work, and by this time find out that they are flying Simon to Wichita. Now you are worried, now the regrets begin to pile up and the prayers start flowing. Dad gets home, and once we find out it is more serious than initially known, he decides he will drive to Wichita to be with Simon and Mom.

July 2nd, 2008-You have not slept yet, it is 3am. Your mom's best friend is here, you have been trying to be strong all night. You wish you would have asked Dad if you could go with him. You wish there was something, anything you could do right now. You then receive a phone call from your second oldest sister, who thought your older brother had called already with an update, but she then informs you that Simon has died, that you have lost the youngest love of your life. Your aunt will call and check up on you, and you will let her know the news. You have been numb, cold, and feel like you aren't even living in real life since the phone call. You don't know what to do. Before the sun rises, you cross the road and climb on top of the grain bin, and you watch the sun rise from up there, you take pictures of it, the first moments of the first day of the rest of your life without him. Knowing God is real and still present, but not knowing why He would take such a beautiful young joyful boy out of our lives. This day will mark the beginning of your struggle with anger. This day is also your best friend's birthday, and you will find solace in being at their house, they are your second family, and they are a slight distraction from reality. Today is your best friend's birthday, and today you lost your youngest brother. Today was supposed to be another normal day, and a joyous one at that, instead it has been turned upside down. Today is a day no one should have to live through. Today will forever rank as #1 worst day of your life.

Throughout the next couple days, you will be a part of the funeral planning, you will assist in picking out the perfect coffin, how morbid. How hard to look at coffins, such small coffins, different colors and designs. Songs for the funeral, and the people we wanted to speak, the pastor to head the service, the location, etc. This involved a lot of decisions that are hard for any family to make, for your 80 year old grandmother, and your 4 year old brother alike. No amount of warning before your loved one will die will make these decisions any easier. But you will keep your head up, and you will stay strong for your family.

July 7th, 2008-Today, today you see your brother, in his coffin. Today everything you have been wishing was just a bad dream becomes more than reality. Your family members from Michigan and New York are here, that has somewhat lightened the reality of the day. Today you will touch the dead cold body of your brother, and you will hug him, no matter what anyone thinks. Today you will grasp the cold lifeless hand of a 4 year old. Today you will cry more tears than you ever thought possible. Today you won't care what anyone says to you, you won't care that the school gym was more than packed, you won't care the amount of people that came to support your family in this horrible time of loss. You won't care how God has used this tragedy to touch so many lives, and hopefully turn them toward Him, as they watch your family be strong and make it through such a hard time. You won't care, because you are so angry. You will let the devil win this hand at this time, but don't worry, someday soon you will fight back. Your extended family will return to their homes, the summer will come to an end, and life will never be the same, but you try to return to life as you knew it.

August-September 2008-This month you will start your senior year of high school, and your oldest brother will start his first year of college in Colby. You will enjoy volleyball, you will enjoy your classmates, and the foreign exchange students that join your school system this year. You will walk through life as though nothing is different, at least you will think that is the face you have on. But you will be more transparent than you think, those closest to you will know that you have changed. Everyone knows what happened this summer, but no one talks about it. You don't talk about it. You wish it would all go away, you wish you could rewind life, you wish you could see his smiling face one more time. You continue to question God, you continue to be angry at Him. You will find yourself attracted to a man, and you will find yourself spending a lot of time with him, it is a distraction from real life, it is time away from your family, your home, the constant reminders of the child that no longer resides in your life. Your coach will see you though, she will see the anger on your face, she will see your reactions when she benches you in volleyball matches. In September, a family friend will give you a car, and a nice one at that, a 2002 Ford Taurus with maybe 120K miles on it, literally gifted it, you walked outside, and they handed you the key and went for a spin in it with you. You will be so happy you will cry, and you won't think it is real, but it is, take good care of that car, and make as many memories as you can in it.

Thanksgiving 2008-This was a weird one, how can we be thankful for anything when we lost someone we loved so dearly. How can we be happy today, when Simon doesn't get to be here? You will even feel guilty for being joyful during these occasions. You will hope that he isn't looking down here knowing you are all happy and thinking that you don't miss him, because you more than miss him, you cry daily still. You walk for hours on end after practice, always wishing when you returned home it would all just turn out to be a bad dream and he would be there. You will continue to spend most of your free time with your best friend who lives just a couple blocks away, and at your other friend's house, with whom you think you may be falling for.

Christmas 2008-You are in the middle of your basketball season, you are starting on the varsity team, per use. You are good this year! You haven't even fouled out of one game yet! You work hard out there, you play for your brother who will never be able to, you work out your anger and frustration out there, in the best way possible, you get super frustrated when coach Kent pulls you to give you a break on the bench, you just want to be out there all the time. You don't know it now, but this Christmas will be hard, it will be fun, and full of family, but hard. You will be in Michigan for this Christmas. This will be a great and adventurous trip for you all. Grandma and Grandpa Uptegrove will come, and Uncle Jer and Aunt Michelle and kiddos. It will be a blast, but you will still wish Simon was there. You will spend New Year's at your cousin's place of employment, and see the best firework show you have ever seen in your life up until this time. (Which will become second only to the show you will see next summer in Ohio on Independence day!)

January 2009-Back to life in Winona, USA. You return for practice while still on winter break. You practice your heart out, and maintain the starting varsity position, your passion for basketball is overwhelming and ultimately becomes first priority in your life. You enjoy late nights playing basketball with the guys and girls that you hang out with, classmates of your own, and those in the classes above and below you. At this point, you have distanced yourself a little more from them though, as you spend more time walking around, and more time with some boy.

January 14, 2009-After basketball practice today, you come home and find out that your oldest little brother wants to go to Colby to buy some shoes for basketball as he has already worn out the ones bought at the beginning of the season. Your best friend is going to ask to tag along, in hopes to see your brother, her boyfriend at this time, and you will be overjoyed to have her tag along. Your oldest little sister will come along as well! Road trip! You will buy the shoes, go to the college and see your brother in his dorm, and then run by Wendy's for food for your best friends family's supper. You will then leave Colby, though you don't remember the last two steps.

You will wake up in your car, the engine off, you are facing a field, it will be snowing lightly, you will hear screams, you don't know what is going on. You will overhear your best friend on the phone, and hear her crying, you will remember many bits and pieces, but never will know the whole story. You hear your sister screaming in the background. You will see your brother in the backseat, and then notice his seat being empty, and you will have no idea where he went. You will later find out he walked half a mile in the freezing cold to try and find help at the last house you passed. You continue to hear your sister screaming, you see blood all over the deployed air bag in front of your best friend, and start freaking out and try to get out. You remember falling, numerous times on the way to her side. You remember not being able to open her door, and falling numerous more times trying to get back your side, all the while she is crying and screaming, and your sister is also. At some point you remember pulling your mother's phone out of your jeans pocket and dialing 911, and telling them you are 16 (which you aren't) and telling them that you don't know where you are. You remember being freezing and an officer escorting you to his warm car while they awaited the arrival of the ambulance, you remember your little brother being assisted to the car when he made it back to the scene and sitting in the back seat of the same patrol vehicle. You remember being helped on to a stretcher, and being in pain on that stupid spine board the entire way to Oakley, and then you remember the awful sensation of the scissors running up your leg cutting off your favorite pair of jeans. You remember the anger and pain you felt when your shoulder hit the edge of the CT machine, and you remember being driven via ambulance to Colby, and then boarded on a plane, and waking in so much unbearable pain that you are overwhelmed with nausea, and they had to roll you over on your right side (broken collarbone side) so that you would be able to vomit and not aspirate. It was awful.

You will remember these bits and pieces, but not the whole story, you will never know the whole story. But you will know that you survived, and you survived for a reason, so let God use you.  And remember the toll that this is taking on your parents, pray for them, keep your head up and follow the doctor's orders, don't argue with your mom on this one, she knows what is best, and though you have convinced yourself otherwise, she isn't out to make your "miserable" life more miserable.

April 2009-Your senior trip to Florida is this month! Ft. Myers beach here we come. You will have a lot of fun on your trip. You will laugh until you cry numerous times. You will stand at the edge of the Atlantic ocean with your toes in the water, and you will feel the vastness of God upon you. You will look out as far as you can and never see the end of the ocean, you will just feel God's presence encompass you, His realness overwhelm you. You will draw your phone number in the sand, and some random boy will text you, and you and your classmates will meet up with him and his friends on the beach, and you will laugh more, and then text him for a couple days and move on with your life. You will return to KS and it will be back to reality, back to watching everyone else practice for track, going to meets and helping where it is needed.

Then comes prom night, you will have a fun time, you will not go to the after party, because you will want to spend time with your male friend, who has been there when you needed him, but when you get older you will wonder if it was more for his purposes and pleasure than being there for you, but you will never know. You're going to let that man do things to you that will make you ashamed of yourself and your friendship with him. You will regret it, and someday you will find it in yourself to forgive yourself for letting it happen, soon, not today, but someday soon.
 

You're going to hurt relationships with your closest friends, because you will be too busy being proccupied with a relationship you already know is going nowhere fast, and while you keep your anger at God bottled up inside, you can only hold so much in. You're going to break down and cry and poor your heart out to another good (also male) friend, and sometime later he is going to get drunk and try to kiss you, and you are going to be confused and hurt and helpless, and you wont know why, but you wont let him, good for you.

May 2009-You are going to graduate! You have done it, you have conquered the impossible. The date is looming in front of you. On the 5th day of this month you will be blessed with your first niece, she is adorable! You will love on her and can't wait to meet her. You will then graduate, and couple days after graduation you will go to Denver with your Momma and sister, to hop on a plane and go to Ohio to babysit for the summer while your preacher goes through chemo treatments at the Cleveland Clinic. You will celebrate your birthday there, you will get close with your pastor and his family, you will enjoy the summer, though it will be a challenging one, You will enjoy it nonetheless. Though at times you let your heart grow weary and your smile lax, you will enjoy it. Sidenote: you will be getting very tan this summer!

Most important of all, you are going start learning and understanding that God lets things happen for a reason, but you will still not really grasp that concept until you're 24, and even then you will struggle with understanding it.

 

Just know that these will be some of the best and some of the worst days of your life, turn to God in both. He blessed you with a great, and large, family, stand by them and let them stand by you through the good and bad days alike. Spend as much time with your family as you can, drive home often, hug your Momma goodbye every time, because life as we know it is precious, and our time on earth together is short. At the end of each day, the most important subjects in your life are God and family first and foremost, then friends, etc. But family matters. Let them know they do.

In a couple of years, you are going to meet someone who will be a huge ray of sunshine in your life, and that someone will listen to you pour your heart out in sorrow over the loss of your youngest brother, and then hug you, and then tell you this, "I hate that you lost your brother. But one day you will see him again like I'll get to see my grandfather. But I don't think it will matter. We'll finally be in the presence of God, and my own children won't be able to distract me from that. One day though...some day."

Until then, you will make it, and once you see Jesus face to face, none of the past will matter. Until then, keep praying, and be strong. You will make it through this year, and several to come. Enjoy life. Smile often, laugh always.

Love,
Your 24-year old self
 

Being a Light in a Dark World

God uses the peculiar, the odd, and the broken...in other words, He uses us.

 ~Patsy Clairmont

 

 ~Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.~ Matthew 5:14

Imagine a warm, clear, calm night, driving down the highway towards home. From many miles away (in Kansas anyways, flat land for days) you can see the lights of your town, in fact you can see the lights of your town, the town beyond it, and the town beyond that! Now, imagine that each town is one Christian, and you are the 50 random people that may pass by you or a fellow Christian in a given day. The bigger your heart for God, and the more focused you are on living your life for Him, the brighter that light will be, the easier it will be for others to see God here on this earth.

Be the light that helps others see. -Unknown
Life is not always red roses and rainbows, sometimes life can make our light dim, but remember that this is satan's goal. God lets us go through these hardships, and fight these small battles in our lives to prepare us for the big fight. When we had a victory in basketball, we did not get to skip practice the next day, we continued to practice, continued to work hard, and continued to better ourselves. It is the same way with life, each battle is just a little practice to get us and God closer to each big victory, and that is winning hearts for God! All He wants is your heart, your neighbor's heart, that stranger's heart, your dad's heart, and your friends' hearts, He is a selfish God, He wants them all.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ~But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (10) For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.~
I absolutely love this verse, and read it just a couple weeks back when I was having, what I thought at the time, a horrible week. I felt as though...I was losing something that held a spot in my heart, not a big spot, but an important one. Something that had become a huge blessing in my life, more and more since the day I stumbled upon it. To this day, I have not lost it, and yet I have. The distance has grown, and feels like trudging through cement to get back to where I was. But, on a positive note, I have read my Bible a lot more frequently, helps me focus on Him and not my life around me and the tiny little insignificant negatives that I sometimes can make a big deal out of.

The Lord has been working tenderly on my heart these past few weeks, helping me not make mountains out of these midget molehills. And through it all, I have been much more blessed than burdened. :) Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant, or insecure remember to Whom you belong.

~Do not worry about tomorrow.~ Matthew 6:34
Stop focusing on how stressed you are and focus on how blessed you are. ~Unknown
This was a random quote I found whilst scrolling through my news feed on Facebook one day...let's just say it was God's perfect timing! Mmm. I love that Guy! Worry should not be a focus in our lives, and when we find that it is, we need to lift, throw, or shove them up to God in prayer.

Always pray to have eyes that see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad, and a soul that never loses faith in God. -Unknown
God commands us to not judge, therefore judge we must not. He does not send the struggling and hopeless into our lives for us to mock and laugh at, NO, He sends the weak our way, so that we can help lift them up, help them stand on their feet, and walk closer to God. You may be the first Christian that has ever crossed that person's life and made the effort to tell them the story of Jesus and show them His kind of love. You may be the only light in that person's darkness, prepare yourself to be a bright one!

Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on such things. Philippians 4:8
In high school I was very active in sports, and my high school volleyball and track coach was all about attitude, she could convince us that even if we were about to play the worst team in the league, they could beat us, and we could lose, with just a team full of bad attitudes. That your attitude could win or lose the race before you even started. Well it is just the same on the court/track as it is off. Life is really just a big battle for God. We should strive to be the victors. In order to succeed, we need to be thinking on good things, dwell on His Word to help us remember to be pure in heart and mind, so that people will see us as good examples of His ways.

You own the skies and still You want my heart. ~Hillsong United song entitled "Up in Arms"
I absolutely LOVE music. I mean, the list could go God, family, friends, music, breathing. yeah, I love it that much. Maybe it is not the music itself, so much as worshipping God through it. Christian music is always more than just a song for me, it is words that God has given someone in song, words that I can lift up over and over to Him. Words that draw me to my knees, in awe of Him, and all that He has blessed me with, all the He has helped me live through, causing me to weep in thanksgiving to Him.

I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify Him with thanksgiving. Psalm 69:30
What God is bringing you through at this very moment is going to be the testimony that will bring somebody else through. No mess, no message. -Unknown
There is darkness, everywhere. Satan is everywhere, trying to extinguish all of God's candles. Don't let the devil win. God gave His Son for you, for me, He deserves the extra effort in this battle. Can you imagine life without darkness? I can't, but when I envision the complete and utter absence of darkness, the only thing I can picture is Heaven, and being at Jesus' side, and you can't be anything but joyful once you have that image on the brain!

It's funny how someone who was just a stranger last year, can mean so much to you now. It's terrible that someone who meant so much to you last year can be a stranger now. It's amazing what a year can do. ~Unknown
Ecclesiastes 3:1,6 ~To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: (6) A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;~
God reminds us in Ecclesiastes that just as life itself is temporary, every little thing in life is temporary. We will not always have our best friend, our sister, our loving mother just a phone call or text away, no, this too shall come to pass. Upon acknowledging this truth, we can appreciate all that we have, while we have it, and learn to let go when it seems we don't, or when we lose it. The easiest way I have found to keep my head up through trials and loss is pray, pray, pray, and read His Word. If you need guidance on where to start in the Bible when you are having a tough time, flip to the back of your Bible and check out the index, and if that is deemed unsuccessful, I am sure you can just about google any and every situation you can imagine, and someone somewhere has thrown together a list of some verses for you!

Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV) ~He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.~
It's so much easier to let God heal your broken heart than trying to do it on your own ability and strength. It's not your job. Jesus is the healer of the broken hearts. When life breaks your heart, know that He is right there to help you put it back together, and remember, it is impossible to put together a puzzle when some of the pieces are missing, you have to give it ALL to Him, so that your heart can be reassembled properly, by the One who wrote the initial blueprints.  

~You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.~ Isaiah 26:3
 Don't mistake God's patient for his absence. His timing is perfect and His presence is constant. He's always with you.
So what if sorrow shakes my faith, what if heartache still remains? I'll trust You, my God, I'll trust You. Because through the good, through the bad, and through the ugly, You are the only constant. You are the One that is always there for me, there with me. Trust in God, and trust in His timing, He and only He knows what is best for you, and when. He does not live to make your life hard, He wants joy in your life, He wants you to be a shining light for Him, He wants you to have peace and happiness. Rest assured He is always at work in your life, and let Him work in your heart.

Lord, help me weigh my words carefully in my heart before I let them escape my lips. ~Karen Ehman
I am human, therefore sometimes I speak before thinking. And, I don't always regret it, because I don't always speak mean things, unrighteous things, rude things. Regardless, when I do, I feel bad enough it covers up the good, clean, and nice things that I have said.

"I keep my eyes on the Lord, with Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken" Psalm 16:8
The devil will sit at my left hand, and try to tempt me into doing things and believing things that are wrong, and untrue, thinking he has the upper hand, and yes sometimes he does succeed, but I promise, with fervent prayer, and reading in His Word, the Lord has won MANY more battles than satan has. My goal in life is no longer help Rachael be a better person, help make Rachael's life easier. It is more structured now to increasing the number of souls for Christ on this earth, making other's lives better, help others in any way I can, make other people's day. Help others find the right path, be the small light that guides them into becoming a light themselves for Christ.

~You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle, Are they not in your book?~ Psalm 56:8
Every tear I've cried, You hold in your hand, You've never left my side and though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm. -Casting Crowns song entitled Praise You in this Storm
Life has a way of hitting hard. It can be hard to walk by faith and not by sight when you are hurting. The comforting thing to know is that God is always there, and that He always loves us. He is there for us, even when our emotions are telling us the opposite. God will never leave or abandon us. And He always provides a way; He always has the next step. He can get you out of whatever you are in. He loves you.

Every single thing that has happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come. -Unknown
As if the Bible is not encouraging enough, I always come across random quotes that seem to perfectly fit into my life also! Every millisecond of our lives in obedience is preparing for us something even better in Heaven. Every second of strife is working for us an eternal weight of glory. So focus on these truths, day by day. Preach His Word into your mind, you are NEW and you are cared for by the greatest Caregiver of ALL time. Let Him shine through you each and everyday in each and every way possible!

"Let your light shine, from the inside out it shows!" Listen to Britt Nicole's song entitled Gold here --->  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4u_TcXJIbcA

Ron Piper has some dialogue near the end of a song by Shane & Shane, song entitled "Though You Slay Me" a fantastic song, and here are these great words by Ron, which I alluded to earlier in this blog. "Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity, and the glory there, but all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience, is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that. I don't care if it was cancer, or criticism. I don't care if it was slander, or sickness. It wasn't meaningless. It's doing something! It's not meaningless, of course you can't see what it's doing! Don't look to what is seen. When your Mom dies, when your kid dies, when you've got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don't say, "that's meaningless!" It's not. It's working for you an eternal weight of glory. Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart, but take these truths, and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach His Word into your mind until your heart sings with CONFIDENCE that you are new and cared for."
Hear the entire song and dialogue here--> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyUPz6_TciY

Someday everything will make perfect sense. So for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. ~viralchange.com

 

~Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.~ Matthew 5:14