Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Never Too Far Gone



Have you ever done something so bad, so wrong, that you wondered and certainly doubted that God could ever have possibly loved you through it, and especially doubted the existence of His love for you afterward?

If you said yes, well I feel you. Me too.

Thankfully we serve an amazing God who is able to love us through it all.



~~~~~~

When I moved to Ulysses America back in 2014, I just knew God had great plans for me.

Before moving down here, I established a wonderful friendship. A friendship that almost had endless possibilities. A friendship I knew was appointed from God Himself. This encouraged me even more that this was going to be a great adventure to unfold down here in Southwest Kansas.

I tended to that friendship tediously. It bloomed and blossomed, and flourished with such liveliness I couldn't even believe it myself.

Meanwhile, my other friends, and family even, fell to the back burner.

Church was a huge priority, and I made sure it stayed that way. God always being my focus.

Until He wasn't anymore.

Until there were more important things than church, more important things than family sometimes.

Sleep. Hanging out. Walking the streets of our city. Etc.

I was happy, oh trust me, I thought I was happy. I truly was. Very very happy. Our pastor spoke this morning in church, about how happiness is based on happenings. Everything that was happening with me, to me, and around me? They all were quite perfect and right, I thought at the time. I was happy, very happy.

Until I wasn't.

No one was to blame for my loss of that happiness more than myself.

In fact, some people tried to influence the regress of smiles. But their efforts were without yield. I was in a slump. I had lost what I thought was one of the most important people in the world at the time.

Suddenly I was walking a LOT more. I mean, 10-15 miles a night, every single night I was off.

Suddenly, I found myself wondering what this God that I thought I loved and served so well could possibly want with me still. How He could keep this frail and unstable wanderer under His wing and close eye. How He could possibly still care for a stray like me. How He could possibly still have a home built just for me in Heaven.



Let me tell you these thoughts, and my current situations, cascaded into a whole whirlwind of mood swings, total confusion, bad eating habits, an awful lot of wear and tear on what used to be some pretty good sneakers.

Throughout it all, I certainly doubted God. I doubted that He could still love me. But looking back now, He showed me, proved to me, sometimes more than once in a given day, that He still cared for me, that He still wanted me, that I still mattered to Him.

So when you feel like you might have done something so incredibly awful and wrong and sinful, something you just know had to had driven God away from you, turned His face from you and your life, your heart. Just remember this.

That is the devil talking.


Satan wants nothing more than for you to doubt our great God and His love for you. He wants nothing more than you to get distracted, to look away, to turn from God, because He would not turn from you, the devil knows that. But if the devil can get you to look away for just a second, then he believes he has won a mini battle, and maybe he did, maybe you let him, maybe you stopped fighting, stopped believing in the purpose for why you were created.

He won with me. I sunk deeper and deeper into sin, until it seemed okay. It seemed fine enough. It didn't bother me as much anymore, I didn't hear the voices as often in my head, the ones that discouraged my interaction with this sin. They faded. I let the devil win that battle.

But my God has already won the war.

~~~~~~

No matter what I have done, He is here with me. He wants me. He wants YOU. He wants you to know that. He is fighting your battles for you, battles you don't even know are happening. He is fighting for you. Because He loves you.



He is with us all along, He never leaves us.



:)

Music is an amazing tool God has created for us, to bring glory to Him, to worship Him. In church, in the car, at home. These are some songs that came to mind while writing this blog. God brings music to me, in just the right time, with just the right words, to reel in my mind, to return my focus to Him, to praise Him for everything in my life. To bring Him the glory. To thank Him for the struggle and the failures, as well as the victories and easy days. Because no matter what I go through, He has a plan, He has a purpose, for every tear of joy and every tear of sorrow.

So have a listen, because some of these are pretttttty great! Enjoy their gifts from God!

How Can It Be ~ Lauren Daigle
Battles ~ the Afters
Beloved ~ Jordan Feliz
Let Go ~ Flame
I'll Keep On ~ NF
Hold On ~ TobyMac
Salt & Light ~ Lauren Daigle




Thank you for stopping by. I leave you with this...

God has a plan for you. Don't think for a second that He doesn't. You are important to Him. Whatever battle you are facing, whatever you are going through, it is just preparing you for the victory ahead. Keep your head up, your eyes fixed on Christ. Love you all. 💙

Pray fervently. Live passionately. Love everybody. 

Friday, December 23, 2016

What Goes Down...








What goes up must come down is the more popular phrase, but let me tell ya, the reciprocal is what was relevant to me, as I found myself 3.5 miles deep into the Grand Canyon, the reality of having to go back up hit me like a two-ton brick.

Now let me first say, that this was a fantastic trip. I regret nothing about it. I was able to take with me one of my best friends, whom I may or may not have been able to survive without, good thing I didn't have to try to. And since returning from the trip, many of the comments I have made and stories I have told have not been the most positive, because I had let the one negative day/hours overcast on all the great times and experiences we had there!

The trip started out about 8pm for myself. Kayla and I had both worked the night before, and wanted to get some good sleep before heading out the next morning. But since we both worked nights, and each had obtained a little bit of rest (3 hours for me!) that day, we decided we would probably be up all night anyway (thank you screwed up circadian rhythm) so we set out that evening. The drive was a hair over 12 hours straight through. We stopped for gas a couple times, restroom breaks, but mostly made the drive pretty promptly, arriving in the wee hours of the morning in Arizona. Check-in at the campground wasn't until noon, so we found ourselves with some time to kill.

1st stop-Mather point We drove around until we found a visitor's station, and went in and checked out some options for the day. We had planned to just chill out, eat, relax, etc the first day there. And chill we did, the weather was quite brisk the entire time we were there. We made our way out to Mather point (a 5-minute walk from the visitor's center) and here we caught our first glimpse of the amazing handiwork of God. It was beautiful. Huge. Windy. Awesome. I paused for a moment, let the brisk air rush across my face, and tried with all my might to see where the canyon started and ended, but with all the twists and turns, and the length of it, that was impossible. It was so gorgeous. A light haze on the horizon, where the climates seemed to switch up. We spent a good 20 minutes here. We posed for pictures, took pictures for a couple other people out at the point, then gathered our things, and meandered down a paved path to the next 'point' of interest on the South Rim.
We continued in this manner, as we walked along the rim, for several hours. Stopping at a couple museums on the way. We then made our way to the shuttle bus (free y'all, free shuttles!) that took us back to the visitor's center. Then we made our way over to the café, ate supper, and drove back to the campground to check in and set up our campsite.



Setting up the tent was a chilly adventure (my 2nd time with the new tent, the first being the test run I did in my living room days before leaving for the Canyon.), but we were successful. We threw out some firewood, but then decided we were exhausted and needed a nap (it was about 4pm at this time.) I had very minimal cell service (let's be honest, I had no service), so I enjoyed the time away from my electronic device. It truly was a break. Unfortunately, this weekend happened to be my best friend's birthday, sister's birthday, and the only time my friend in the Marines had service to call/talk to me (time zones away), so I missed out on some very important things while there, but I lived, and they all did as well. With each text, I never knew if they were going to go through or not, so just hoped for the best, and if they weren't important then I simply just didn't even attempt.

Our 'nap' sesh, turned into a sleep all night until the next morning thing. Saturday morning rolls around. Throughout the prior day Kayla had awaited a confirmation call from the tour guide company that was to be giving us a tour hike the following day, and when one never came through, she called them to confirm. They discussed if we would rather see some sights, or hike down the canyon, or both, and what our food preferences were. Kayla and I woke Saturday morning all stoked for this hike. We packed our backpacks, and awaited the arrival of Josh, our guide. When we signed up for this hiking tour, we had to fill out information saying what level of hikers we were, what level of hike we were interested in, how long, etc. We certainly said low levels, though we are active, running on the treadmill, lifting weights, and working out on the elliptical are all quite different than hiking a canyon, so we played the safe card, and probably undersold ourselves. But that apparently was irrelevant. We were pushed to our max, in fact, I was pushed beyond mine.



Word of advice, if you want to experience the Canyon in all of it's glory and beauty from way down in it, and have a desire to hike, and are somewhat good at it, then absolutely, feel free to hike it. It is amazing, and I wouldn't take back the hike if I could. BUT, it is challenging. Some of the terrain is easier than others. We completed our hike on the Grandview trail. We started out, and it was fantastic. We got about a mile down and ended up having to shed some layers as the sun came out, and the wind ceased. Now Kayla and I work out, we go to the gym, in fact at this point I had been going twice a day, in hopes to at least have a healthy heart and stronger legs for this adventure. When we reached the Coconino Saddle, (1.1 miles down) I asked our tour guide if I needed to feel my legs to get back up to the top (in all seriousness, as they both has become a bit numb), to which he responds, "You will use different muscle groups on the way up." I legit was having some cramping in my thighs, but thought they would just work themselves out. At this time he also points out where he states our lunch will be, Horseshoe Mesa (did not know this at the time, but later found out it was a good 2+ miles farther than the saddle.) He asked if that sounded like a good stopping point, to eat, rest, then return. We both agreed, sure! We were excited for this experience.



As we continued, it seemed as though we never got closer, but somehow the rim got farther away. I could hardly feel my legs at all by the time we had almost reached our destination for lunch. I had to ask our guide to stop, as I was having trouble slowing my heart rate, and was nauseated beyond belief. He asked, 'is it mental or physical?' to which I respond, "I don't know, both!" At this point I was wondering in my head how much it would cost me to have a helicopter come rescue me, as opposed to hiking back up to the top. But we stopped, I was able to slowly munch on a granola bar, drink some water and Gatorade, and then encouraged them that we should start our trek back. I honestly thought for a good half an hour that I may or may not die down there. Kayla carried my pack, and our guide carried hers and his, so that I could rest, and I certainly would not have made it without having my load lightened. Our trek back up was much slower, with much more cognizance of how each other was doing, many breaks were taken, and rightly so. My legs, by the time we returned to the rim, were a half ton each. Every muscle beyond maxed out.

I would like to take a moment right now, and thank my best friend and companion on this trip. Kayla was SUCH an incredible motivator and encourager throughout the entire way back to the rim. She is a wonderful friend that I am beyond blessed to call mine.



We then drove to a couple other points on that part of the rim, that we would not have seen had our guide not taken us, and walked a small amount more, (or in my case stiffly limped/hobbled) to see the Desert View Watchtower that was designed by a female architect, Mary Colter, which was neat, but after the complete exhaustion I had experienced just moments before, I found it hard to appreciate the history and experiences at this point, due to wanting to just collapse and sleep. We then made our way back to camp. Our guide got out, we said our goodbyes, I hugged him, and he left. He returns about 5 minutes later, and asks us if his boss mentioned anything about gratuity. And encouraged us that this was not included in our hiking guide fee, and that gratuity was how they made their money. So we, though were not completely satisfied with our hike, and actually somewhat dissatisfied, went to our wallets, and found whatever cash we still had left ($40) and gave it to him. He then left, for real this time. And we hit the showers, ate some food, and hit the sleeping bags, HARD. I slept so hard. I was so sore, I remember needing to pee at about 0300, and debating just lying there and holding it in as long as I possibly could, but then relented, and painfully removed myself from the warmth of the tent, into the brisk breeze to meander the short walk to the restrooms.



After rising the next morning (not-so-early) we meandered about camp, getting ready for the day, and decided to take the shuttle bus to the Hermit's Rest route. Where there were several points along the rim that a shuttle bus would stop at to drop off/pick up tourists. There were also walking paths between these points. We rode to the end, then got off, and started the trek back. We hoped to make it until sunset, but we were again exhausted, and just needed some rest. We could tell there was a storm moving in because there were tarantulas all over the roads! We made it back to camp. Ran to the café, ate some supper, and then showered, and bed. All the walking was great for my tired legs, but they sure were sore still.



But it was good. All was good! We really had a great time. Kayla was able to rid herself of something that had been bogging her a little. We had many many great conversations about life. We talked, so much. I hadn't realized just how much I missed her, until I was able to spend not minutes, not hours, but DAYS with her again! We had so many laughs. So many great times. Mind reading moments, total jam parties in Dory. Just an all-around blast.

I am unsure of which night for sure, but one of the last nights in Arizona, Kayla and I were getting in the prepaid showers, both of us had already put in the $2 and started the water, when she realized she had left her towel in the car. We were discussing what to do about it, when some kind lady offers up, 'I have done the same thing before, if you give me your keys, I can run out and get it for you!' Of course, I was a bit hesitant, but mostly trusting of this kind woman, but I offer up, I left the keys in the vehicle too, but you can use my code to get in! So I told her the code, she repeated it back 3 or 4 times, then asked what kind of vehicle I drive. It was a small bathing/laundry facility, so the parking lot probably only maxed out at 30 vehicles, and I gave her brief instructions on where I was parked, the color and make of the car, and my friend informed her where her towel could be located within the vehicle. She returns, quite promptly with towel in hand, and we say thank you so much! Kayla says, 'God bless you!' The kind woman responds, 'You're so welcome, and I hope both of you girls voted...and not for the man who is our president.' Commence awkward silence. I remained silent because I had voted, and for the man who was president, but also I was still buck naked in the shower and this woman still had my car's passcode on her brain (keys, spare keys, wallet, purse, ID, phone chargers, etc all in car) and could absolutely go out there and ruin my life right now if she so desired to! But, Kayla got her towel, and nothing else was missing from the car, nor was there any graffiti after the no response to her voting comment.

So there is a funny note to end on! Also, I am still working on losing 2 toenails, but the rest have remained intact! It's only over a month later. Sorry for the wait for the great story of the Grand Canyon & Rachael/Kayla meeting for the first time. And don't think for a second that I don't want to go back, because I do. I want to take my family there, and my husband and kiddos someday! Except, negative to the tour guided hike. Y'all, if you need tips on where to hike, or whatnot, we have some. And you can absolutely do the Grandview trail, just not maybe as far as we did, unless you are avid hikers. There are several hikes that are much simpler, and even have water stops, etc, and are equally beautiful. So don't hesitate to hike the canyon, just know the guide is unnecessary, as long as you practice safe hiking and come prepared, and realize that some trails will be more challenging. Maybe don't start with one of the most challenging that the Canyon has to offer for your first hike!

Thursday, December 22, 2016

God, and Sex Before Marriage


1 Corinthians 6:18 "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body."


I read a story once, written by a great Christian woman, who was given some advice from a pastor in her life. His advice to her was:

He said, “It’s not about how far you can go, it’s about how close you can get.”
That’s really the question we’re asking. Right? How far can I go? What am I allowed to touch, what is he allowed to do, how far can we go before we’ve crossed 'the line'?

But instead of thinking about it that way, her pastor challenged her to ask herself:

“What can I do to get as close to God as possible? What decision can we make that brings our relationship as close to God and His very best design for this as possible?”


After reading her story, and his advice, my perspective changed completely. No longer was it about following the rules, just pushing against them enough to keep from breaking them. It wasn't about checking the correct boxes, so as to avoid making God mad. God isn't going to strike us down or spite us if we have sex before we are married. That is not who God is.

No, it isn't about living just to avoid breaking rules anymore. It is about a relationship. It is about tearing down the guilt, shame, and sin that makes us distance ourselves from God. When we sin, God doesn't leave us, He doesn't go anywhere. But when we sin, what do we do? We hide. (Or at least try.) When we follow what He says in this area, we are keeping ourselves from putting walls between us and God. The decision is about trusting the Creator of sex, and marriage, and love and us, when He says love is at its very best when we handle things this way.

I know that I want the very best love life, the very best marriage, and the very best sex life possible when my time comes. And if God --- the Creator of all of those things --- says this is the way to get the absolute most out of it, then I want to take Him up on it!

So, if getting the most out of my marriage, love life, and sex life after marriage is the motivation behind waiting to have sex now, then in regards to all of the intimate things we can do leading up to sex, there are two questions I think we need to ask ourselves:

1) What brings me closest to God?
2) What makes me feel like I am setting myself, and our relationship, up to get the absolute most out of it --- taking God up on all the blessings He has in store for us?

And I think you can answer those questions pretty easily, if you’re honest with yourself.

If you’re honest, after you and your boyfriend do ______ (fill in the blank), how do you feel? Do you feel ashamed? Like you’ve failed? Like you’ve increased the distance between you and God now? That’s a good indication that you might need to re-think things, make a different decision.

Maybe you weren't raised a Christian, maybe you were. Maybe you weren't told early in life that having sex before you were married was something you shouldn't do. Maybe reading this, is the first time you have even heard word of it. But let me tell you, God has a better idea for love, and sex, and marriage, and He really wants you to take Him up on it.



I decided several years ago that I wasn’t going to do anything other than kiss until I was married. So far, I have successfully held to that decision.

Now — I’m not saying you need to draw the exact same line. Again — this is a personal decision.

But the reason I draw the line there, is because I know that intimacy is intimacy. And I feel like I would be trying to cheat the system by doing other things that were pretty much having sex — maybe not technically, but really, really close.

And I don’t want to cheat the system. I want to actually do things the way I really think God is saying to do them. And for me, I have decided that means saving intimacy of all kinds until I am married.

So — I know how tough this is. You are absolutely not alone in this. Waiting is a struggle for everyone. And it’s a good thing that it is! You don’t want to marry someone you have zero chemistry with! That chemistry will pay off at some point.

But in the meantime, do everything you can to get as close to God as possible, to take advantage of every blessing He has in store for you in this area of your life.



Matthew 5:27-30 (NIV) ''27 You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."

James 1:13-15 (NLT) "13 And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. 14 Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death." 

  

Here are the not-so-random song links I post with each blog, enjoy! :)

Guard Your Heart ~ 1 Girl Nation

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Sunrises and Sin

 
I sat out early one morning, breeze blowing through my hair. It was serene; completely and utterly peaceful. Had the porch light on, but beyond it's halo, was complete darkness. Anything could have been lurking in those shadows and I would have never known unless it stepped into the glow of the light.

Then, as the sun slowly rose, all the unseen was made visible. 

That is how we are when we meet people. When we let them in, we begin to expose those things hidden beyond the light. As Christians, we shouldn't be opposed to letting others in, sometimes exposing ourselves is all it would take to light a spark in their curiosity about Jesus and His works in your life. I will admit, it takes an awful long time for me to let another person know 'all about me.' If you have been (un)fortunate enough to qualify, then know, then, now, and forever, you mean the world to me.


 
When we ask God into our hearts He already knows. He can see into all the nooks, crannies, cobwebs, and closed boxes. Nothing is beyond what He knows. Nothing can be hidden. When we acknowledge our need for Him and ask Him in, we sign a consent letting Him know we know He sees it all, past, present, and future. And when we read the fine print, it says we will do all we can to serve Him, please Him, and live to better His kingdom.

So let us expose ourselves, to the saved and unsaved alike. Let us show them, that God's grace is limitless, His mercy unending. Let us show them that we are not better than them, we have just been washed clean by the blood of Christ. My blog title stems from that mindset, because I am just a sinner, saved by grace. Saved by the blood He shed for us upon that cross. Washed clean by His grace, so that we all may meet Him one day in heaven. Let us be transparent. It is okay not to be okay. It is okay to show them you have hurts and wounds, okay to show them your past. What better way to better expose the new you than to show them how far you have come with Jesus in your heart and life?

 
 

Friday, August 19, 2016

Steak for Breakfast

Me, a night shift nurse. There's good. There's bad. And yes, there's ugly. 

I started out my day yesterday waking up, showering, and running to the local grocery store for some salad for a dinner I had planned with one of my favorite families, their last night with their son before they send him off to college. The first thing I ate yesterday was steak. 

Momma probably would have been in awe if I woke up as a child or a teen and asked for steak for breakfast. That is a little abnormal. But the steak for breakfast yesterday? That was completely not off-the-wall at all for me. That is my new norm. No I don't eat steak for breakfast everyday, but the reason supper at 9pm was my 'breakfast' time is because working night shift has taken its hold on me, and rarely releases its grip. 

______________________

the Good

If you asked me a year and half ago if I enjoyed night shift, I would have said yes, absolutely, with no reserve. If you asked me yesterday, I would have said yes again. But the hesitation is becoming more evident, creeping up. My body and mind usually do okay sleeping in the day and staying awake all night. I am an energetic person. It is my norm. I love to laugh, and enjoy even more to make other people laugh, even if sometimes they are just laughing at my snaughling. 



Since being on night shift, I have had multiple of my elders and peers discouraging it,  pushing me to opt for a day shift position if I was given the choice. But back when I started on night shift, I was excited. Hey, differential, am I right? I enjoy the management-less building. I enjoy the drama-less co-workers I typically get to work with all night long. But. Over the past 12 months. My drive to be on night shift has certainly lessened. I still enjoy the differential, but it was never all about the money for me, and never will be. I still enjoy most of my co-workers, although sometimes some of my faves really let me down. But my heart doesn't seem to be in it anymore. 

the Bad:

I am emotionally exhausted. I go to work, do my best to please the patients while still maintaining the healthcare standards necessary and put in place to give them the best care to my ability and within my scope of practice, and get them healthy and home as soon as possible. But I go to work, and my patience is literally about as short as the fuse on a Bobcat (firecracker that is). It takes about 3 seconds of an unable-to-be-satisfied-patient's bad attitude to make me want to just go home immediately. Unfortunately in those moments, patients still need their nurses to get better and get home, so emergency emotional-breakdown-on-the-verge-Rachael moments, don't come with a quick solution at all hours of the night/morning. 



I used to go to work everyday, and think about how blessed I am that I am not the sick one in the bed. That I was privileged enough to be able to go to school, had worked hard enough to graduate, and now get to go to work every single day to help make people's lives better. Yes, even the 6 year old who I have to put an IV in, yes even that child, I get to do what I can to make that kid's life better. Here lately, I still find myself blessed that I am well, and able to care for those that aren't. But each shift feels more like a routine, like a cycle, like I am a hamster stuck in this wheel called life. The only relief from what has seemingly become an episode of my life stuck on constant repeat, is sleep. 

the Ugly:

I am mentally exhausted. I bring it home. I take it to my best friend's house. I take it to my Mom's. I have to hide it in church, where I should feel most free to be most transparent, I hide it best. I am tired at weird times all the time. It makes me moody sometimes. I am very impatient with people. I am easily annoyed with pointless (in my opinion) stories and wasted time. Sleeping all day, even on my nights off, because I have no motivation, I have few friends here, and we typically live on opposite schedules. I would not consider myself a clinically depressed person, I still find joy in simple things, and I can still sport a smile like a champ, but I guarantee I smile a significant amount less than a year ago. I notice it, I notice the increased negativity, and am unable to find the means to change it.  And I strongly believe working nights can assume part of that blame. As well as the devil himself.



I am spiritually exhausted. My faith in God has not faltered, not one bit. But, I don't strive to feed it. I don't just sit down and read my Bible anymore. I used to always make a point of it, even if it meant reading on my break at work, I would always find time to sit and at least read a chapter or two. It was important, very important to me. Seems I got comfortable where my relationship with Christ was, and I pushed it aside, I don't make it a priority anymore. I used to be able to attend Thursday night Bible study with the ladies as well as Wednesday morning coffee. But even those are few and far between anymore. But simply put, I don't spend as much time hanging out with God as I used to. And that is wearing on me. That is the ugliest part of me right now. 

______________________

If you're reading this. Maybe you are finding yourself in a similar struggle or slump. Welcome. You are so incredibly not alone. In fact, before reading this blog, before realizing there is someone else out there with some of the similar struggles, God was there. He is always there. I never forget that, not anymore. But sometimes I feel Him closer than other times. Not because He moves away from me, but because I find myself drifting away from Him. 



Instead of worrying about whether I am on day shift or night shift, pray for my walk with God. Instead of asking me why I am still single, pray for my Mr. Forever. Instead of wondering if I am getting more (enough) sleep, pray that I am getting more God-time, and in correlation acquiring more patience at work, at home, and just in my all-around life. Starting with my poor roommate that never gets to see me, but when she is unfortunate enough to have a run-in with me, it is usually not the most pleasant experience from her end I am sure. Sorry Becca. 

As I continue trying to find myself in this crazy world, I pray I continue my endeavor to find more and more of God. I pray that my family, co-workers, friends, and acquaintances will accept my sincere apology for my recent setbacks in my faith, attitude, and all-around peace.

Lastly, get yourself to church. Fellowship with my believing peers keeps me sane. Do yourself a favor, and get to church. It is free, family-friendly, and necessary. 


"For where 2 or 3 are gathered together in My name, there I am in the midst of them.
-Matthew 18:20 KJV

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord." 
-Colossians 3:16 


Now, enjoy some of the not-so-random video links I post at the end of each blog. #sofittingrightnow

Thank you for reading! May God bless you in every way today and throughout your life. 

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Anniversaries, and my Best Sister-Frand

If we were in a room full of people, and I asked if there was a date this year that meant anything to you, everyone would raise their hands. 

Your birthday probably means a little something, even if it is just a despised day because it means another year has gone by. Or maybe a wedding anniversary, in which case racking up the years tends to bring more joy than resentment. (Not that I know from personal experience, but hey, I know a LOT of married people, and they all get all excited for another year of their wedded-ness.) Maybe the day you asked Jesus to come into your heart and life. Maybe the date is the birthday of a family member, a loved one, your child. Maybe it is the day that a loved one died. Or is it the day you were diagnosed with cancer, or even better the day you were told you were in remission? The day you wrecked your car, the day your best friend died, the day you purchased your first home. 


There are a jillion things that could have dates that hold some measure of significance to you. Some you want to remember, and some you wish you could forget. Some you relive every night in your nightmares, and some you wish you could remember even the smallest of details of. 


Two (well, three) of my 'significant' dates' anniversaries will occur in these next 2 days. 

________________

July 1st, 2008

My boss told me before leaving work last night, to not come in first thing, that they would call me when they needed me. So this morning, I stayed home, and hung out with the siblings. Right around lunch time is when they decide they need me up at the elevator. Just after hanging up with him, I was standing in the kitchen giving my youngest brother flack, saying I was going to wear the hat he had on his head to work today, as it was the elevator's logo on the hat, but he doesn't relent. He throws his palm to the top of his head and holds down with all his might as I tried to wrestle it off his head. So I give up, tell him goodbye, and walk over to work. 


 (Simon and one of his beloved kittens in June 2008)

Little did I know what was going to transpire over the span of the next 18(ish) hours. Of course hindsight is 20/20, but I would literally give a limb, or 4, to go back and hang out with him the rest of the day, an hour longer, a couple more minutes, anything. 


 (Simon and I in June, 2008)


We are having quite a busy afternoon, with trucks dumping over at the Garvey elevator and at the main elevators. Suppertime comes and goes, and as the sun is dancing with the horizon, my boss comes into the main office from over by the Garvey elevator and tells me there is an ambulance across the street from my house. He says it looks like my youngest brother wrecked his bike, might have broken his leg. My jaw slowly drops for a second, then clenches back shut tight with concern. I peek out there, see the ambulance, come back inside, and debate internally with leaving or staying to earn a couple bucks. 

The money wins this time, never again though, never again.


Turns out he had been ran over by a semi and trailer, and they end up flying Simon to Wichita, where he later dies, (July 2nd, 2008) on an operating room table prior to surgery, having too much internal bleeding, his poor body had compensated as long as it possibly could, but by the time they were in the operating room, it was already too late. (You can read more about that night/morning in my blog An Open Letter to my 17-year-old Self.)



July 2nd, 1995 

The date that one of my bestest friends escaped her mother's womb into this crazy world. Do I myself remember this date per se? Nope. I didn't meet her until several years later, and I couldn't even tell you the date that I met this little bombshell, but I can tell you I didn't forget it intentionally! This girl has been there for me through it all. Her house was where I went that day in 2008. It was her birthday, and such a horrible day for me, but I welcomed the distraction. I welcomed finding anything and everything I possibly could to occupy my mind and keep the emotions from rumbling in my lungs and rolling down my cheeks. I don't remember much from that day, but I remember walking through the door and being hugged by her mother, for what seemed like just the right amount of time. 


 (Tier and I at the Logan Co fair 2012)

I can't say we always got along, everyone fights sometimes, but I honestly cannot remember what a single fight was about. So we loved enough to get over those at least. 

She was also where I turned to occupy myself after I wrecked my car the following January. I stayed over at her house many a night. It became such a habit, that I didn't even really have to ask anymore. I would still have to call home to Mom and ask permission from her, but I was pretty much invited over there whenever I wanted to be. 

__________________

So, that anniversary is always one mixed with sorrow and joy. I will always be sad. I will always miss Simon, sometimes just speaking his name wells up some big ole tears. There are memories, and a lot of them, but not enough, I will always wish for more. But, joy, because he is in heaven. He is dancing with Jesus everyday. And even more joy, because though something awful happened on this date 8 years ago, it is still my best friend's birthday! And she deserves a celebration for sure!


 (Tier and I hanging out on Andrew's day of birth!)


So, to my dearest best friend, I wrote you a letter. It is short, and mostly sweet (kidding, all sweet!) But mostly, I just want to tell you that I love you bff!

__________________

Tierney Kaylene


You mean the world to me. You have seen me at my worst, and what some would call my best. You rode with me many mornings to school, and sometimes you even got to drive. Sometimes when you drove exciting things happened. Good times, good times. Many hours spent walking around our little town. Four-wheeler escapades. Feeding livestock at the corrals. Making s'mores in the microwave. Sleeping in the living room(s), both upper and lower. Celebrating Thanksgiving down at the motel in Russell Springs. Many times hanging out at Grandma Debbie's house. Riding rides together at the Logan Co fair. You coming to church with me. My parent's 25th anniversary party. Listening to Johnny and June by Heidi Newfield ...over, and over and over and over again with your Momma. Your graduation party. So many good times, too many to list them all, but I got off to a good start there!


You are going to be an amazing nurse, because you are smart as a whip, and you have a kind heart that cares for others, especially in their weakest and lowest times.You will be a wonderful asset to the healthcare system wherever you decide to settle down at. 


You are, and will forever be, my best friend and sister. Life ain't always beautiful, but mine is when you're around. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on, a lent hand, a contagious smile, and joyful laugh. You make my world a better place. You have grown up soooo much since we first met, and I have enjoyed it all. We don't see each other near often enough, but when we do finally get together, we catch up in mere minutes, and then it is like we were never apart.


Thank you for being beautiful.

Thank you for being you.
Thank you for accepting me with all my baggage.
Thank you for helping me carry my baggage.
Thank you for loving me.

I love you so much dear friend and cannot wait to see what this next year, and the rest of our future brings. (I think I can hear wedding bells and babies crying...)


Happy 21st birthday(tomorrow), sweet friend.


So much love, 

RachyAnn

P.S. You're stuck with me for the rest of time. Sorry, not sorry.

P.P.S. We need an updated pic together.
          That is all. Love you!!!


Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Father's Day

Heavenly Father

True fatherhood is grounded in the basis of God's being---in the basis of God the Father relating to the Son and the Spirit. Human fatherhood is but an imperfect symbol of this transcendent reality. The Fatherhood of God is not inconsequential of alterable, for it is the primary basis by which God has determined that believers will relate to Him: 'I will receive you, and will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord God Almighty.' 2 Corinthians 6:17-18
 
God reveals Himself as 'Father' throughout the Old Testament of the Bible. (Jeremiah 3:19). This was also a term Jesus used when addressing Him (John 17)
 


Earthly fathers
Fathers in the Bible were supreme authoritative figures in their families. With just a word, they could determine the fate of their offspring. But they were also encouraged to be patient (Ephesians 6:4), to love unconditionally, to forgive without strings attached, and to give abundantly. (Luke 15:11-32)
 
Fathers have unique access to their children's hearts. Their tender love and intentional leadership can build confidence and instill character like nothing else. On the other hand, harsh words and emotional distance can devastate even the most resilient kiddos.
 
Scriptures present a tender side of fatherhood: 
In Matthew, a temple official came to Jesus frantic for his daughter's healing. (Matthew 9:18-26)
 
In Genesis and 2 Samuel, Jacob and David display deep sorrow at the loss of their sons. (Genesis 37:33-35 2 Samuel 13:35-39)
 
In Genesis and Matthew, Noah and Joseph (Jesus' earthly father) followed God's direction and provided escapes from danger for their children. (Genesis 7:5, Matthew 2:13-23) 
 
But fathers in the Bible weren't perfect; they made their mistakes:  
In 1 Samuel we see where Eli did not set limits for his sons. (1 Samuel 2:12 & 3:13)
 
In 2 Samuel we see that David doesn't make time to spend much with his children, and how he certainly did not live an exemplary life before them. (2 Samuel 12:13,14 & 24:10)

 

Mother's impact on fathers
A mother helps to fashion a good father. She makes him feel loved and accepted, treating him with respect. she shows respect for his position of leadership. She does not undermine his authority, she offers encouragement, reflective interaction, and supportive interest.
 
Reminders for fathers, found in the Bible
1) It is important to make your child(ren) feel wanted (Psalm 127:3-5)
 
2) You are to instruct your child(ren) (Deuteronomy 6:1-9, Proverbs 4:1 & 6:20)
 
3) Train your child(ren) (Psalm 78:5-7, Proverbs 22:6)
 
4) Correct your child(ren) (Proverbs 13:24)
 
The shelter and security provided by a godly father should give their children freedom for growth without overprotection from challenges or tasks that teach responsibility. (1 Samuel 3:1-10)
  
I do believe that the most immediate and potentially impactful way a father can love his child(ren) is by loving their mother well. Children are always watching, listening, and feeling the way their mothers are loved by their fathers. They hear how their father speaks about their mother when she isn't around. They learn how their father respects their mother by observing it directly---even when they don't think their children are watching. They see how their father loves their mother when she is hurting, after they've had an argument, and when they laugh together. They see their father give himself up for their mother, sacrificing their agendas to better serve her more selflessly. (Ephesians 5:25-27)



My father 
If you know me on a personal level, and have for at least a moderate amount of time, then you have probably come into contact with my father at some point in our relationship. He is a humble guy. A guy who sometimes will let you know exactly what he thinks about your wardrobe choices for the day. (Unless it's  me, then it is ALWAYS, he always lets me know how he feels about my wardrobe choices, even if it is to a woman at church who happens to be a good friend of mine with a huge heart, and is also married to a doctor that I work alongside with quite often at work.) In family pictures, you are guaranteed that someone will receive bunny ears from Pops, and if no one will allot him the pleasure, then he will just throw 'em up behind his own head, it's 'tradition,' just ask him!



Sometimes he calls me 20 times in 1 day. Sometimes he wishes I would just 'go back to Ulysses' when he decides he has had enough of my company. He sometimes gets mad, and usually is a total control freak. He wants the pickup moved, just so, and probably secretly wishes that the cows would walk in a certain order while we are moving them from pasture to pasture. But let me tell ya, he loves; he loves unconditionally. After all the heck that I have given him growing up, (and even more so now that I am out of the house), I am glad that we don't even have to say out loud that I am his favorite daughter. (Parents you shouldn't have favorites, so all kidding aside, I do not condone favoritism amongst your offspring.)

Don't worry, I was spanked as much, (if not more than) the rest of my siblings. Well, with disregard to the last two, because I am pretty sure they have only been beat like twice in all of their lives. Younger siblings these days, am I right?
 
Back in December, if you have followed my blog at that time, you read about the moment where for just a second, I thought my earthly father may possibly not be with us any longer. If you didn't, you can read about it in my blog Nothing is Beyond the Reach of God's Hands and read about his hospital stay/updates/progress in reverse chronological order Pop's Hospital Adventures.
 
I am glad to announce he is doing much better. He has taken some necessary to be removed weight off, and is usually following his medication and diet regimen that was ordered by his doctor, but sometimes he does get a bit slacky in that department.
 
I was reading in Ephesians the other day, and it was extremely fitting for fathers:
"See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess, but be filled with the Spirit; speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." Ephesians 5:16-21

The best earthly father is one who has a vibrant fellowship and always strengthening relationship with the heavenly Father and therefor has access to the Lord's unlimited wisdom and vast resources. I love to see how my Pops shows God's love to strangers and family alike. He is such an inspiration and I am beyond blessed to claim him as my father.

To Dads worldwide
No one has the perfect father, therefor no one is the perfect father. You may think you have/had the worst father in the entire planet, but I promise you didn't. And even if he was as awful as you make him sound like, who cares. He is who he is and you cannot change that. But what you can do, is strive daily to be a better husband, better father, and better son of God. You can do you better when Jesus is in your heart. Encourage your children, build them up, teach them about the love of Jesus. Put it in action as you instruct them about it. Discipline your children in love. In case you missed it, mostly your children need love. Love them with all your heart as often as you get the opportunity to do so.