1 Corinthians 6:18 "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body."
I read a story once, written by a great Christian woman, who was given some advice from a pastor in her life. His advice to her was:
He said, “It’s not about how far you can go, it’s about how close you can get.”
That’s really the question we’re asking. Right? How far can I go? What am I allowed to touch, what is he allowed to do, how far can we go before we’ve crossed 'the line'?
But instead of thinking about it that way, her pastor challenged her to ask herself:
“What can I do to get as close to God as possible? What decision can we make that brings our relationship as close to God and His very best design for this as possible?”
After reading her story, and his advice, my perspective changed completely. No longer was it about following the rules, just pushing against them enough to keep from breaking them. It wasn't about checking the correct boxes, so as to avoid making God mad. God isn't going to strike us down or spite us if we have sex before we are married. That is not who God is.
No, it isn't about living just to avoid breaking rules anymore. It is about a relationship. It is about tearing down the guilt, shame, and sin that makes us distance ourselves from God. When we sin, God doesn't leave us, He doesn't go anywhere. But when we sin, what do we do? We hide. (Or at least try.) When we follow what He says in this area, we are keeping ourselves from putting walls between us and God. The decision is about trusting the Creator of sex, and marriage, and love and us, when He says love is at its very best when we handle things this way.
I know that I want the very best love life, the very best marriage, and the very best sex life possible when my time comes. And if God --- the Creator of all of those things --- says this is the way to get the absolute most out of it, then I want to take Him up on it!
So, if getting the most out of my marriage, love life, and sex life after marriage is the motivation behind waiting to have sex now, then in regards to all of the intimate things we can do leading up to sex, there are two questions I think we need to ask ourselves:
1) What brings me closest to God?
2) What makes me feel like I am setting myself, and our relationship, up to get the absolute most out of it --- taking God up on all the blessings He has in store for us?
And I think you can answer those questions pretty easily, if you’re honest with yourself.
If you’re honest, after you and your boyfriend do ______ (fill in the blank), how do you feel? Do you feel ashamed? Like you’ve failed? Like you’ve increased the distance between you and God now? That’s a good indication that you might need to re-think things, make a different decision.
Maybe you weren't raised a Christian, maybe you were. Maybe you weren't told early in life that having sex before you were married was something you shouldn't do. Maybe reading this, is the first time you have even heard word of it. But let me tell you, God has a better idea for love, and sex, and marriage, and He really wants you to take Him up on it.
I decided several years ago that I wasn’t going to do anything other than kiss until I was married. So far, I have successfully held to that decision.
Now — I’m not saying you need to draw the exact same line. Again — this is a personal decision.
But the reason I draw the line there, is because I know that intimacy is intimacy. And I feel like I would be trying to cheat the system by doing other things that were pretty much having sex — maybe not technically, but really, really close.
And I don’t want to cheat the system. I want to actually do things the way I really think God is saying to do them. And for me, I have decided that means saving intimacy of all kinds until I am married.
So — I know how tough this is. You are absolutely not alone in this. Waiting is a struggle for everyone. And it’s a good thing that it is! You don’t want to marry someone you have zero chemistry with! That chemistry will pay off at some point.
But in the meantime, do everything you can to get as close to God as possible, to take advantage of every blessing He has in store for you in this area of your life.
Matthew 5:27-30 (NIV) ''27 You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."
James 1:13-15 (NLT) "13 And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. 14 Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death."
Here are the not-so-random song links I post with each blog, enjoy! :)
Guard Your Heart ~ 1 Girl Nation
"I'm a virgin."
This comes as a shocker to many people. Sometimes when sharing it with someone I just met, and someone who I have known for months, seems their facial expressions and verbal responses are always the same. Usually something along the lines of, 'really? No way. I don't believe it.' Well believe is, because no, I have not had any sexual relations with a man. (Or woman for that matter, unfortunately with the state the world is in these days, I feel as though I should have to clarify that.) I have kissed a handful of men, but not for years. My first kiss was my junior year of high school, last was my freshmen year of college. Only one of that handful was I actually dating at the time. (He was my one and only boyfriend, up to this point.) I don't regret them, but knowing now that they weren't Mr. Forever makes me wish that I could take them back! I decided a couple years ago, that I was going to save whatever I had left of myself for Mr. Forever.
I wish I could say I have lived my life during those years a patient woman, someone trusting that God will make my Mr. Forever known to me. But no, this girl has not always been patient, not always thought and talked about the journey with a smile on my face. No. I have struggled with this for sure.
But.
I am 24 (and a half). I have mentioned in previous blogs that I had my life planned out by about 7th grade (half of my lifetime ago.) By this time in my life there should be little munchkins running around my ankles and Mr. Forever snuggling with me in bed each night. (Working night shift was not a factor in this life-planning of course!)
Don't get me wrong. I am proud of where I came from and where I find myself today, even through all the struggles and mistakes. I have family and friends near and far, a great church to call home, I am a proud homeowner, I have 4 wheels that take me where I need to go. I am beyond blessed.
The one thing I can honestly say I have not struggled with, (except for about 5 minutes my senior year) was saving myself for marriage. And let me tell you, I am glad that those 5 minutes ended the way they did, because in that moment, had I chosen otherwise, I may have had a regret to throw up on this blog right now. But that was God, He was right there with me, encouraging me to be safe and maintain my purity.
So. While I wait, I looked up some verses to keep me encouraged as to why I should maintain my 'virgin' status. I wrote these down a couple years ago, and wrote a note on Facebook about them, so if this post looks familiar, that may be why! But enjoy it nonetheless, and feel free to share it with someone you know may need it today. No copyrights here, just freedom of speech and some love.
Abstinence Until Marriage
10 Reasons (though there are more) NOT to have sex outside of marriage
1) God tells us not to. (Of course, no brainer.) Seek out Deuteronomy 28:1-3
~~~This is obvious. Having been raised in a church, it is ingrained in us as Christians at a young age that it is wrong to have sex until you are married. God has a reason for giving us this command. He knows what's best for you, by obeying Him, we trust God to look out for our best interests.
2) You won't miss out on the blessing of the wedding night! Read 1 Corinthians 6:16
I personally cannot wait, but that is not going to stop me from sticking to God's commands and His will for my life and my Mr. Forever's life!!!!
3) You (AND your current spouse or relationship partner) will be spiritually healthier. Look at Romans 8:8 & 8:13.
Maintaining your purity, and not spending time indulging in those activities before marriage, will give you more time and a clearer mind while studying His Word, and spending time with your church family.
4) You will be physically healthier. See 1 Corinthians 6:18
No STD's for us virgins, am I right?!
5) You will be emotionally healthier. Read Hebrews 13:4
People talk about sex like it is just that. You see movies and TV shows that mention 'hooking up', 'one night stands', 'friends with benefits', or terms like that, portraying that it is possible to just go around and have sex with any and everyone, but they never stress the emotional effects it has on the couples. Even if you were dating a man for months, years even, taking that relationship a step farther could be quite distressing, and when are you "ready" for sex, who determines that? I just know that I have stamped myself 'not ready' until I have that band on my finger and those vows have been spilt from my mouth at the altar in front of God and man.
6) You will show consideration for your partner's well-being. Look at Ephesians 5:2 and Philippians 2:3.
I do believe, that in waiting, I am caring not only for myself, but also for my Mr. Forever as well. I do not keep myself clean solely for selfish reasons, or to spite those that wish we would have went farther, but also for Mr. Forever. And I know the wait will be worth it.
7) Waiting is a test of true love. See 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 where God states "Love is patient..."
I know this may be hard at times. I know someday Mr. Forever is going to walk into my life, and without even trying or pressuring me, may cause some feelings and impure thoughts in my mind and body. I know that he will be a God-fearing man, and will in no way let me act successfully on these thoughts, but it is inevitable, once you find someone you truly love, that these feelings will occur. It is ingrained in us as humans. We were made to love. But, no matter how long we date (or court), no matter how long we are engaged, I know that he and I will remain pure until our wedding night. Sometimes, waiting is the worst! But, you can do it!
8) You will have no negative consequences to deal with. See Hebrews 12:1
~~~For instance unwanted pregnancy, and your choices there, adoption or keep, and the possible loss of friendships, trust, etc.
9) You will keep your Christian testimony intact. Read 1 Timothy 4:12, Matthew 5:13, Luke 14:34-35.
I don't believe I am any better than any other Christian out there, virgin, or not. I know I am a sinner, and am saved by His grace and bloodshed alone. But I do hope that my Mr. Forever will find comfort in knowing the pact I made with him before I even met him.
10) You won't settle for less than God's perfect will.
~~~When you choose to have sex outside of marriage, you settle for less than God's will not only for you but also for your partner. And I am not one to settle, strive to do your best in all that you do. That does not only apply on the court or playing field, or at work, but in your everyday life.
*If your partner wants sex before marriage, consider that as a red flag of their spiritual condition.
**Same to you and your spiritual condition and wants
Hey! Thanks for reading my blog! I hope something made you smile! Have a blessed day!
