God, and Sex Before Marriage

1 Corinthians 6:18 "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body."


I read a story once, written by a great Christian woman, who was given some advice from a pastor in her life. His advice to her was:

He said, “It’s not about how far you can go, it’s about how close you can get.”
That’s really the question we’re asking. Right? How far can I go? What am I allowed to touch, what is he allowed to do, how far can we go before we’ve crossed 'the line'?

But instead of thinking about it that way, her pastor challenged her to ask herself:

“What can I do to get as close to God as possible? What decision can we make that brings our relationship as close to God and His very best design for this as possible?”

After reading her story, and his advice, my perspective changed completely. No longer was it about following the rules, just pushing against them enough to keep from breaking them. It wasn't about checking the correct boxes, so as to avoid making God mad. God isn't going to strike us down or spite us if we have sex before we are married. That is not who God is.

No, it isn't about living just to avoid breaking rules anymore. It is about a relationship. It is about tearing down the guilt, shame, and sin that makes us distance ourselves from God. When we sin, God doesn't leave us, He doesn't go anywhere. But when we sin, what do we do? We hide. (Or at least try.) When we follow what He says in this area, we are keeping ourselves from putting walls between us and God. The decision is about trusting the Creator of sex, and marriage, and love and us, when He says love is at its very best when we handle things this way.

I know that I want the very best love life, the very best marriage, and the very best sex life possible when my time comes. And if God --- the Creator of all of those things --- says this is the way to get the absolute most out of it, then I want to take Him up on it!

So, if getting the most out of my marriage, love life, and sex life after marriage is the motivation behind waiting to have sex now, then in regards to all of the intimate things we can do leading up to sex, there are two questions I think we need to ask ourselves:

1) What brings me closest to God?
2) What makes me feel like I am setting myself, and our relationship, up to get the absolute most out of it --- taking God up on all the blessings He has in store for us?

And I think you can answer those questions pretty easily, if you’re honest with yourself.

If you’re honest, after you and your boyfriend do ______ (fill in the blank), how do you feel? Do you feel ashamed? Like you’ve failed? Like you’ve increased the distance between you and God now? That’s a good indication that you might need to re-think things, make a different decision.

Maybe you weren't raised a Christian, maybe you were. Maybe you weren't told early in life that having sex before you were married was something you shouldn't do. Maybe reading this, is the first time you have even heard word of it. But let me tell you, God has a better idea for love, and sex, and marriage, and He really wants you to take Him up on it.

I decided several years ago that I wasn’t going to do anything other than kiss until I was married. So far, I have successfully held to that decision.

Now — I’m not saying you need to draw the exact same line. Again — this is a personal decision.

But the reason I draw the line there, is because I know that intimacy is intimacy. And I feel like I would be trying to cheat the system by doing other things that were pretty much having sex — maybe not technically, but really, really close.

And I don’t want to cheat the system. I want to actually do things the way I really think God is saying to do them. And for me, I have decided that means saving intimacy of all kinds until I am married.

So — I know how tough this is. You are absolutely not alone in this. Waiting is a struggle for everyone. And it’s a good thing that it is! You don’t want to marry someone you have zero chemistry with! That chemistry will pay off at some point.

But in the meantime, do everything you can to get as close to God as possible, to take advantage of every blessing He has in store for you in this area of your life.



Matthew 5:27-30 (NIV) ''27 You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. ²⁸ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. ²⁹ If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. ³⁰ And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."

James 1:13-15 (NLT) "13 And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. ¹⁴ Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. ¹⁵ These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death." 

  

Here are the not-so-random song links I post with each blog, enjoy! :)

Guard Your Heart ~ 1 Girl Nation

Through Your Eyes ~ Britt Nicole
Undeniable ~ TobyMac
Show Me ~ Beckah Shae

Why is Sexual Abstinence Such a Foreign Concept?

"I'm a virgin."

This comes as a shocker to many people. Sometimes when sharing it with someone I just met, and someone who I have known for months, seems their facial expressions and verbal responses are always the same. Usually something along the lines of, 'really? No way. I don't believe it.' Well believe is, because no, I have not had any sexual relations with a man. (Or woman for that matter, unfortunately with the state the world is in these days, I feel as though I should have to clarify that.) I have kissed a handful of men, but not for years. My first kiss was my junior year of high school, last was my freshmen year of college. Only one of that handful was I actually dating at the time. (He was my one and only boyfriend, up to this point.) I don't regret them, but knowing now that they weren't Mr. Forever makes me wish that I could take them back! I decided a couple years ago, that I was going to save whatever I had left of myself for Mr. Forever.

I wish I could say I have lived my life during those years a patient woman, someone trusting that God will make my Mr. Forever known to me. But no, this girl has not always been patient, not always thought and talked about the journey with a smile on my face. No. I have struggled with this for sure.

But.

I am 24 (and a half). I have mentioned in previous blogs that I had my life planned out by about 7th grade (half of my lifetime ago.) By this time in my life there should be little munchkins running around my ankles and Mr. Forever snuggling with me in bed each night. (Working night shift was not a factor in this life-planning of course!)

Don't get me wrong. I am proud of where I came from and where I find myself today, even through all the struggles and mistakes. I have family and friends near and far, a great church to call home, I am a proud homeowner, I have 4 wheels that take me where I need to go. I am beyond blessed.

The one thing I can honestly say I have not struggled with, (except for about 5 minutes my senior year) was saving myself for marriage. And let me tell you, I am glad that those 5 minutes ended the way they did, because in that moment, had I chosen otherwise, I may have had a regret to throw up on this blog right now. But that was God, He was right there with me, encouraging me to be safe and maintain my purity.

So. While I wait, I looked up some verses to keep me encouraged as to why I should maintain my 'virgin' status. I wrote these down a couple years ago, and wrote a note on Facebook about them, so if this post looks familiar, that may be why! But enjoy it nonetheless, and feel free to share it with someone you know may need it today. No copyrights here, just freedom of speech and some love. 

Abstinence Until Marriage

10 Reasons (though there are more) NOT to have sex outside of marriage

1) God tells us not to. (Of course, no brainer.) Seek out Deuteronomy 28:1-3

~~~This is obvious. Having been raised in a church, it is ingrained in us as Christians at a young age that it is wrong to have sex until you are married. God has a reason for giving us this command. He knows what's best for you, by obeying Him, we trust God to look out for our best interests.

2) You won't miss out on the blessing of the wedding night! Read 1 Corinthians 6:16

I personally cannot wait, but that is not going to stop me from sticking to God's commands and His will for my life and my Mr. Forever's life!!!!

3) You (AND your current spouse or relationship partner) will be spiritually healthier. Look at Romans 8:8 & 8:13.

Maintaining your purity, and not spending time indulging in those activities before marriage, will give you more time and a clearer mind while studying His Word, and spending time with your church family.

4) You will be physically healthier. See 1 Corinthians 6:18

No STD's for us virgins, am I right?!

5) You will be emotionally healthier. Read Hebrews 13:4

People talk about sex like it is just that. You see movies and TV shows that mention 'hooking up', 'one night stands', 'friends with benefits', or terms like that, portraying that it is possible to just go around and have sex with any and everyone, but they never stress the emotional effects it has on the couples. Even if you were dating a man for months, years even, taking that relationship a step farther could be quite distressing, and when are you "ready" for sex, who determines that? I just know that I have stamped myself 'not ready' until I have that band on my finger and those vows have been spilt from my mouth at the altar in front of God and man.

6) You will show consideration for your partner's well-being. Look at Ephesians 5:2 and Philippians 2:3.

I do believe, that in waiting, I am caring not only for myself, but also for my Mr. Forever as well. I do not keep myself clean solely for selfish reasons, or to spite those that wish we would have went farther, but also for Mr. Forever. And I know the wait will be worth it.

7) Waiting is a test of true love. See 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 where God states "Love is patient..."

I know this may be hard at times. I know someday Mr. Forever is going to walk into my life, and without even trying or pressuring me, may cause some feelings and impure thoughts in my mind and body. I know that he will be a God-fearing man, and will in no way let me act successfully on these thoughts, but it is inevitable, once you find someone you truly love, that these feelings will occur. It is ingrained in us as humans. We were made to love. But, no matter how long we date (or court), no matter how long we are engaged, I know that he and I will remain pure until our wedding night. Sometimes, waiting is the worst! But, you can do it!

8) You will have no negative consequences to deal with. See Hebrews 12:1

~~~For instance unwanted pregnancy, and your choices there, adoption or keep, and the possible loss of friendships, trust, etc.

9) You will keep your Christian testimony intact. Read 1 Timothy 4:12, Matthew 5:13, Luke 14:34-35.

I don't believe I am any better than any other Christian out there, virgin, or not. I know I am a sinner, and am saved by His grace and bloodshed alone. But I do hope that my Mr. Forever will find comfort in knowing the pact I made with him before I even met him.

10) You won't settle for less than God's perfect will.

~~~When you choose to have sex outside of marriage, you settle for less than God's will not only for you but also for your partner. And I am not one to settle, strive to do your best in all that you do. That does not only apply on the court or playing field, or at work, but in your everyday life.

*If your partner wants sex before marriage, consider that as a red flag of their spiritual condition.
**Same to you and your spiritual condition and wants

Hey! Thanks for reading my blog! I hope something made you smile! Have a blessed day!

One to be Sought After

There has been all but a very short time of my life that I have been without companionship of the opposite sex. My one and only "official" relationship I have had with the opposite sex lasted six weeks I believe. That is hardly half a % of the amount of time I have spent on this earth. I see men, I see men all over, good looking, not-so-good looking, kind, not-so-kind, happy, depressed, elated, married, single, divorced, engaged. I see them. Sometimes I get to know them, sometimes not. Sometimes they seem like the type of person I would let have some of my time, sometimes not. Sometimes the ones that want my time are the ones I can't imagine wasting another breath with. And even sometimes, I meet them, get to know them a little, and can already imagine the rest of my life with them ( I am guilty of this).

BUT, all the while, deep down inside, I wish that I had found my one and only, found that man to throw a ring on my finger and grab hold of my heart forever. Someone to stand by me, encourage me to grow in my faith with God, and want to get to know me more and more everyday. Someone who puts God first. Someone with a compassionate heart and a kind voice. Someone willing to put up with all of the mess that makes up who I am. Someone willing to help me clean it up when I get messier. Someone who will be just as crazy as I am all the time, someone lighthearted, someone that loves being outside, someone that enjoys spending time with family, someone willing to go to the ends of the earth to ensure that his family is provided for. Someone to stick up for me, someone to rub my back after a long day. Someone to hold me, just because. Someone to share all my dreams and fears with. Someone to pray with daily. The one I am to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who fears God daily, and teaches our children the same. A man after God's own heart.

I recently had a conversation with some co-workers. We talked about me being single, if I am looking, and if so what "type" of guy I am looking for. My stipulations were, "He has to have nice teeth, and be at least a cm taller than me. He can't be too much overweight because that will just scream laziness. And he needs to go to church, he needs to know the God I know." Their response to this was "well, good luck. You're too picky! What about having a job?"

Now thinking back, I am just like whoa! Firstly, I don't anticipate finding an unsaved man, but maybe that is God's plan. Maybe He threw me down here on earth to show this one man whom He has intended for me to marry, His love, and strike up a curiosity in him to invite the Holy Spirit in and take over. But more importantly, why was God and said man's relationship with Him my last stipulation? Newsflash, Rachael. Not only should that be priority, but that should be the only priority. As I sit here, and attempt to mature as I age, (this will be a forever process...I don't anticipate ever being as mature as my age says I should be) I have had my eyes opened to this.

I was reading in Job 31* tonight, and there, there is where I found the guy I want. I want a man of integrity, one who stands in God's promises. A man who commits to personal purity, who reflects justice in all dealings, who gives generously to others. A man of God who shows compassion to all. A man who sets Godly priorities in life. A man who lives out his faith in God, doesn't just throw it on his shirt sleeve, to show to whomever he thinks needs to see it. A man who forgives others, no matter the wrong. A man who opens his home to those in need, who walks with the Lord. A man who seeks to do right. This, this is the man I should search and long for. A man worthy of being sought after.

So, I will be picky. I will not lower my standards. I will stand by my choice to remain pure until I find my future mister. I will wait, on the Lord, I will wait. I will wait for His perfect plan and timing. As patiently as possible, I will wait on Him. My prayers have changed from Lord show me this man whom you want for me to marry (like, ASAP), to Lord, I pray for my future husband today, that You would guide his heart, and bring Him closer to You as we both wait on each other. I know You have a will, God, and where there is a will there is a way, and Your way is best, Your way is right.  <3





*Job 31:4-40 (KJV)

Making it Legal doesn't make it Sinless

Same-sex marriage, since I was a child I have known this was a definite no-no in the eyes of God. Unfortunately we live in a nation full of people who don't choose to turn to the One who gives them their very breath. Being attracted to someone of the same sex just is not natural. God does not place that longing in us, regardless of what we convince ourselves to believe. Way back in Genesis 2:24 is where marriage is first introduced to us by God in the Bible, this verse states, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (KJV)
--First thing I take from this is that a man is to "leave" their parents, this I believe is signified in the ceremony of the public commitment of the two to each other.
--Secondly that the man is to "cleave" to his wife(female), to show tender affection and faithful commitment in a permanent relationship of growing love
--Thirdly that they are to "be one flesh" in physical union, noting the most exclusive and deepest intimacy.
--Finally, did we note that this was one man, and one woman? One of each, only one, and both of opposite sex.
Furthermore in Leviticus 18:22, God clearly states, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind: it is an abomination." or in Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

Now one could argue that we are no longer bound by the laws in the Old Testament. When Jesus paid the ultimate price for our sinful nature on the cross, he put an end to the Old Testament law. In Romans 10:4 it says, "For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth." And again in Galatians 3:23-25 it states "But before faith came, we were kept under the law, shut up unto the faith which should afterwards be revealed. Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to brung us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith. But after that faith is come, we are no longer under a schoolmaster." He put us instead under the law of Christ. In Galatians 6:2 it says "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." which is to... "(Jesus said unto them) Thou shalt love the Lord they God with all they heart, and with all they soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." Matthew 22:37-39 KJV. By obeying both of these commands, we will do all that is required of us by Jesus. In order to do both of these, we should automatically be falling within the context of many of the commandments, for many of them fall within the realm of loving God and loving thy neighbor. In Galatians 5:14 He states, "For all the law is fulfilled in one word even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."

But in Mark (New Testament) it says this again, reinstating the commandments found in the Old Testament, in Mark 10:6-9 "But form the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain but one flesh."

And in Romans 13:8-10 "Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Though shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. Love worketh no ill to his neighbor: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law."

We believers are not here to judge, God tells us again and again in the Bible not to do so, but rather to love. To live in a manner that edifies and builds up others, that promotes harmony.  God has a plan for humanity, and his intentions for marriage and sexuality are clear. One man and one woman, married. But instead of sitting here and condemning homosexual people, I will instead share God's loving warning, and try and show His grace for them who have strayed from His will for marriage.

In James 4:12 it states, "There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy: who art thou that judges another?" Saying that we are not put on earth to judge others, but to enlighten them on God's plan, to show them God's love, and to leave the judging for the only One who's judgment matters.

Hebrews 13:1-5 "Let brotherly love continue. be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body. Marriage is honorable in all, and then bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee."

In John 8:7-11 "So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the women standing in the midst. When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee; go, and sin no more." Jesus is a forgiving man, he paid the ultimate price for each and every single one of us weak humans on this earth.

Romans 1:26-28 "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient." This is what our nation needs, turn to God and be forgiven. Seek Him, and repent.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be no deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, now thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God." No matter what we do, God leaves the freedom of choice up to us. Those that choose to follow Him, His commandments, His will, they will be granted the kingdom of heaven, those that opt out, well your choice, but you are missing out on the greatest of all gifts.


Case in point, I am not saying that their sin is acceptable, or that this law being passed makes their actions okay in God's eyes, but rather that we are commanded to love one another. We can hate the sin, but love the sinner with God's love. Pray for them, pray that they will turn and seek God's face and that this nation will seek His will and strive to keep His commandments. God's forgiveness, mercy, and grace are always available to those that want them.



*all Bible verses quoted in this blog are pulled from the King James Version of the Bible