Dear China, Thanks for Stealing my Pastor

'Stealing.' Maybe that was a bit harsh. But just let the record show that that is an honest reflection of my attitude when I first heard about their future endeavors to that far away place, initially of course.

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July 10th, 2016 was the last Sunday that our previous Senior pastor and his wife attended our church prior to leaving for China.

When this adventure was still in the works, when I was first made aware of it being quite a possibility, God willing, I had quite mixed feelings. Here is why.

1) I am selfish.

2) I was in awe.

3) Still in awe.

4) I was so incredibly excited for them and their future plans, this big, crazy, exciting step, that I couldn't even possibly think of anything more perfect for their next step in their lives together. (And obviously God agrees, as all has worked out so well thus far!) 

5) But still, I was selfish.


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Let's start at the beginning though, the first day I heard about 

this exciting new adventure in their life:

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March 13th, 2016
I remember that Sunday as if it were yesterday! Sunday school finished, and Marcia and Sarah were having a conversation about someone working for her in the nursery. I followed Sarah back there and told her after I ran the powerpoint for worship, I would be right down and replace her. She said something to the effect of, 'no, that's okay.' But of course I did it anyway! I love kids y'all, and would do it every single Sunday. 

As Pastor Steve began to close his sermon, I notice that Sarah gets real quiet, stands up close to the speaker to hear better, and then I overhear, "I am resigning as senior pastor...." I tell her, "Get out. Go out there." She is already in tears and I am about to be.  I couldn't make myself believe it to be true. My friend, wife, and their daughters were going to be moving at the end of the month. And now this news is thrown at me?? (see, selfish.) And by me, I mean, our church body, as a whole. No one was singled out. I am 99% sure I cried about it the very moment I learned about it. I was in the nursery, snuggling with some precious girls when what I thought to be a weird dream registered and started to return to reality. As that occurred, I just hugged those girls closer.

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I cried about it again when Pastor Steve spoke about it a couple Sundays before his last here as senior pastor. 
I teared up, every time someone at work or the grocery store asked me about it.
And again on July 10th, their last Sunday.
Ooops, yup. Yet again at their going away party. (Also July 10th).

Okay, you get it. I am an emotional wreck and a big cry baby.

I didn't cry because they were going to China. I didn't even cry because they were leaving. 
I cried because they wouldn't be here anymore. (There is a difference, I promise, but again, selfish reasons.) I cried thinking of the empty spot in the sanctuary, wondering who God would send our way. Knowing that no matter who was sent our way, that was who was supposed to be here, but still knowing they had some big shoes to fill. (No offense Pastor Steve.) Let's just say, the bar of expectation has been set pretttttty high.

But, on the reals. I am so excited for them. I know God has had His hand in all of the events leading up to this decision, and will continue to guide them on this exciting new adventure halfway across the world! I wrote a letter, to both of them (and then a short one to their whole family), things that I wanted to, and need to say to you, but you're gone now. So you get to be victims of one of my open letters, sorry not sorry.

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First, a message to Pastor Steve: 

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Pastor Steve,

You have been nothing but light in my life here in Ulysses. From the times I came to church with Susanna and Jonathan before I actually moved down here, until you left; you never made me feel anything less than welcome. You know how to make a person smile. I rarely saw you without one, and that alone helps raise spirits and form smiles in others around you, but on top of that you are a genuinely kind and God-serving man.

On numerous occasions you complimented me. About anything, my singing, my smile, my attitude, whatever it was that day, you found something. And, like you, I always sort of brushed it off. I am definitely never going to win an award for 'greatest at accepting compliments.' On your last Sunday, as I was hugging you for the 30th time at your going away party, you again told me in my ear, 'You are so awesome.' You know some of (what I consider to be) my darkest 'secrets.' Being a pastor kind of opens a door to a lot of people's darkest times in their lives. And you knew mine, at least the gist of it/them. And yet, you never once seemed to be 'judgy', or disproving. You always, always, always greeted me with open arms and a smile. And simply loved. You always show love wherever you go.



I also genuinely appreciate the many Sunday mornings when I would come early for prayer with you and our equally dedicated Pastor Bob. Every single Sunday you prayed for marriages, for keeping the marriage bed holy, etc. And almost every single Sunday, you also prayed for the singles in our church. (Me!) You prayed that God would bring a partner alongside, or if we were 'called to be single' that we would live for Him either way. You don't know this, but every single time you prayed for us 'singles' I wept. Every time. I struggle so much with trying to let go of past mistakes and lingering regrets, as well as find a happy medium between where and when to put myself out there and when to hold back a little, like maybe if I put a little more effort into it, I can rush God's revealing of the spouse He has planned for me. I struggle daily, with the fact that here I am still single and 25. I tell everyone I am old, because some days it feels that way. I sometimes get stuck in the lull that consists of sleeping, working, eating, and repeat. 

Sundays, especially with you, your wife, and daughter, always made for a great break from the 'lull.' And though they now will not consist of seeing you all every Sunday, and even though I work at least half of the Sundays each month, I still see it as a day of refuge, recharging, regenerating joy, and a day to be reminded of all that Christ did for me. 

Everything about you, even the Moses hair (LOL!) has been a great example of Jesus' love to me, this church, and our community. I say yes, even the 'Moses hair' because even with that, you have shown us that sometimes we do the things we do because of the love we have for those that love us. And if you can glorify God, by loving your wife and the fact that she loves your beard, then so be it, that is just perfect. Having attended the 'send-off' party for y'all, seeing how many other churches' pastors attended, and other people in the community, really opened my eyes even more to the oneness that you have liked about this community and it's churches.



Initially, when I heard y'all were leaving...it was seriously like, uh, the end of the world. At least my Ulysses world, as I knew it. I will miss your great attitude, and your incredibly vast knowledge of God's Word. I am beyond excited though, for your travels and experiences to and in China. As the days are crossed off the calendar, I can imagine you are more and more excited! You are awesome!

Praying for you always.

You are deeply missed already,
Rachael Ann

P.S. I apologize for calling it a 'man bun.'


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Now, for a message to his better half and perfect compliment:

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Dear sweet sweet Marcia,

In my mind, always the pastor's wife. But also, always the sister with whom I enjoyed several morning prayer coffees with. The sister who was not afraid to pipe up in Sunday school, about whatever topic we were addressing and learning about at the time. The sister who was always smiling. You are never afraid to be honest though. Sometimes while hugging you, I would ask how you were doing. Sometimes I got, 'great!' 'good!' etc. Sometimes you replied with, 'okay.' And that, though saddened my heart for you in that moment, gave me hope always. You are such a happy woman, with a joyous spirit, but even the happiest of people have 'okay' days too.

You have brought me so much joy, on numerous occasions. Your quirky sense of humor, brings nothing but smiles to anyone around experiencing it first hand. It is a perfect mix with the more serious, though less seen side of Marcia. But I love both sides. So keep em both around for sure. Your joy and loving manner are my favorite of all of your amazing qualities.

I did not get to spend as much time outside of Sunday mornings with you and your family as I would have liked to (thanks adulthood), but the times I did were always such a blessing. The numerous trips to Downtown, (which is closed now, super sad.) the times you guys would have us over for lunch, or cards, or whatever. Sunday night Bible studies, and the time I stopped by AWANA. But my most favorite memories, are from morning prayer coffee with you gals. And I am so sad that I was unable to attend the last several before y'all left. I loved hearing about how Steve did the laundry, or dishes, or made you breakfast, or coffee, and on the cold mornings, started your car for you. I loved hearing you talk about your spouse, and see your love for him shine in your eyes. 

I also remember before I really got to know you, camping at Meade Lake with you, Sarah, and Steve ( or as you sometimes refer to him as: Swannie). That was the first non-church event that I had ever attended with y'all. I remember walking over to the restrooms with these near strangers, and feeling just as welcome as if we were truly sisters. Thank you for that. That is one of the first, and one of my favorite memories with you! 

I have heard that being a Pastor's wife has it's challenges. No one can deny that. You maintain the part well. You are an amazing wife to Pastor Steve. You both compliment each other so insanely well. I could not imagine a better-matched couple. God knew what He was doing when He brought your two lives into intersection. It will be hard to picture life here at FBC without you. You have a way of bringing a smile to literally every face in the building. Life will be a little weirder without you than with you. But for as well as you played the part of 'pastor's wife', I am excited for you to delve into being God's daughter, Steve's wife, Caleb and Sarah's mom, and all your other titles, with some needed relief from your role as 'Pastor's Wife.' Though you never complained, and showed no sign of the burden, I know it was there. You are a smart woman, and being a student will continue to look just as good on you now as it did when you were 'the pastor's wife.'

If I can ever get a Tuesday night off, and am able to return to Wednesday morning prayer coffee with our sisters in Christ, I know it will be a different experience without you. Not better, not worse, just different. Your uplifting spirit will be missed! I have seen your contagious joy affect many people around me, always positively. I am excited for you to be able to share it with many others as you travel to China, and especially after you arrive. Can't wait to hear the stories of new friends, crazy adventures, and touched hearts. 

Praying for you always.

Love you so, and miss you already,
Rachael Ann

P.S. You are a rockstar Marcia!

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Like I said, I am selfish. Sometimes when hugging and visiting with Pastor Steve and Marcia each Sunday, I had to force some excitement for their plans out. Not always was it genuine. My second favorite family in Ulysses was going to pack up their life and move elsewhere. I have survived. It has only been a couple weeks. I have only been in church one Sunday since they started their adventure around the US to see family and friends before going to China. (I have only been once because I was on vacay in Michigan, [which I will blog about soon!] not because of a ripple effect of their leaving, causing me also to leave.) That one Sunday was just two days ago in fact, and it went well. We were also missing our worship leader, so as one could imagine, getting sound figured out (when the 2 people that ran it in the past were missing) was an adventure. One that we conquered like champs, might I add!

Anyway. Though life without Steve and Marcia is going to be different, and sometimes we get stuck in a comfortable rut and never want change, I am equally excited for what this change will bring the church, and what this change in their lives will bring for them. Ruts ain't good for anybody.

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So to Pastor Steve and his delightful and loving family,

I miss you. I don't hate China. I am so glad Gad has worked out everything thus far with your pre-adventuring. I love you all so much. Thank you for your impact while you were here, and for the impact you will continue to make, even though we will be continents and states apart. 

Could not thank you all enough for your impact in my life with 100 blog posts, but thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Praying for you always!

Forever missing the Spam Fam, and the Spam Fam van as well,
Rachael Ann

P.S. Where does that van reside now anyway?

   

'Tell me, what is it you plan to do with 

your one wild and precious life?' 

-poet Mary Oliver 


Don't forget to check out these not-so-random music video links I include with each blog post! 

I Will Follow ~ Chris Tomlin             10,000 Reasons ~ Matt Redman

Overwhelmed ~ Big Daddy Weave 

Anniversaries, and my Best Sister-Frand

If we were in a room full of people, and I asked if there was a date this year that meant anything to you, everyone would raise their hands. 

Your birthday probably means a little something, even if it is just a despised day because it means another year has gone by. Or maybe a wedding anniversary, in which case racking up the years tends to bring more joy than resentment. (Not that I know from personal experience, but hey, I know a LOT of married people, and they all get all excited for another year of their wedded-ness.) Maybe the day you asked Jesus to come into your heart and life. Maybe the date is the birthday of a family member, a loved one, your child. Maybe it is the day that a loved one died. Or is it the day you were diagnosed with cancer, or even better the day you were told you were in remission? The day you wrecked your car, the day your best friend died, the day you purchased your first home. 

There are a jillion things that could have dates that hold some measure of significance to you. Some you want to remember, and some you wish you could forget. Some you relive every night in your nightmares, and some you wish you could remember even the smallest of details of. 

Two (well, three) of my 'significant' dates' anniversaries will occur in these next 2 days. 
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July 1st, 2008
My boss told me before leaving work last night, to not come in first thing, that they would call me when they needed me. So this morning, I stayed home, and hung out with the siblings. Right around lunch time is when they decide they need me up at the elevator. Just after hanging up with him, I was standing in the kitchen giving my youngest brother flack, saying I was going to wear the hat he had on his head to work today, as it was the elevator's logo on the hat, but he doesn't relent. He throws his palm to the top of his head and holds down with all his might as I tried to wrestle it off his head. So I give up, tell him goodbye, and walk over to work. 

 (Simon and one of his beloved kittens in June 2008)

Little did I know what was going to transpire over the span of the next 18(ish) hours. Of course hindsight is 20/20, but I would literally give a limb, or 4, to go back and hang out with him the rest of the day, an hour longer, a couple more minutes, anything. 

 (Simon and I in June, 2008)

We are having quite a busy afternoon, with trucks dumping over at the Garvey elevator and at the main elevators. Suppertime comes and goes, and as the sun is dancing with the horizon, my boss comes into the main office from over by the Garvey elevator and tells me there is an ambulance across the street from my house. He says it looks like my youngest brother wrecked his bike, might have broken his leg. My jaw slowly drops for a second, then clenches back shut tight with concern. I peek out there, see the ambulance, come back inside, and debate internally with leaving or staying to earn a couple bucks. 

The money wins this time, never again though, never again.

Turns out he had been ran over by a semi and trailer, and they end up flying Simon to Wichita, where he later dies, (July 2nd, 2008) on an operating room table prior to surgery, having too much internal bleeding, his poor body had compensated as long as it possibly could, but by the time they were in the operating room, it was already too late. (You can read more about that night/morning in my blog An Open Letter to my 17-year-old Self.)


July 2nd, 1995 
The date that one of my bestest friends escaped her mother's womb into this crazy world. Do I myself remember this date per se? Nope. I didn't meet her until several years later, and I couldn't even tell you the date that I met this little bombshell, but I can tell you I didn't forget it intentionally! This girl has been there for me through it all. Her house was where I went that day in 2008. It was her birthday, and such a horrible day for me, but I welcomed the distraction. I welcomed finding anything and everything I possibly could to occupy my mind and keep the emotions from rumbling in my lungs and rolling down my cheeks. I don't remember much from that day, but I remember walking through the door and being hugged by her mother, for what seemed like just the right amount of time. 

 (Tier and I at the Logan Co fair 2012)

I can't say we always got along, everyone fights sometimes, but I honestly cannot remember what a single fight was about. So we loved enough to get over those at least. 

She was also where I turned to occupy myself after I wrecked my car the following January. I stayed over at her house many a night. It became such a habit, that I didn't even really have to ask anymore. I would still have to call home to Mom and ask permission from her, but I was pretty much invited over there whenever I wanted to be. 
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So, that anniversary is always one mixed with sorrow and joy. I will always be sad. I will always miss Simon, sometimes just speaking his name wells up some big ole tears. There are memories, and a lot of them, but not enough, I will always wish for more. But, joy, because he is in heaven. He is dancing with Jesus everyday. And even more joy, because though something awful happened on this date 8 years ago, it is still my best friend's birthday! And she deserves a celebration for sure!

 (Tier and I hanging out on Andrew's day of birth!)

So, to my dearest best friend, I wrote you a letter. It is short, and mostly sweet (kidding, all sweet!) But mostly, I just want to tell you that I love you bff!
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Tierney Kaylene, 

You mean the world to me. You have seen me at my worst, and what some would call my best. You rode with me many mornings to school, and sometimes you even got to drive. Sometimes when you drove exciting things happened. Good times, good times. Many hours spent walking around our little town. Four-wheeler escapades. Feeding livestock at the corrals. Making s'mores in the microwave. Sleeping in the living room(s), both upper and lower. Celebrating Thanksgiving down at the motel in Russell Springs. Many times hanging out at Grandma Debbie's house. Riding rides together at the Logan Co fair. You coming to church with me. My parent's 25th anniversary party. Listening to Johnny and June by Heidi Newfield ...over, and over and over and over again with your Momma. Your graduation party. So many good times, too many to list them all, but I got off to a good start there!

You are going to be an amazing nurse, because you are smart as a whip, and you have a kind heart that cares for others, especially in their weakest and lowest times.You will be a wonderful asset to the healthcare system wherever you decide to settle down at. 

You are, and will forever be, my best friend and sister. Life ain't always beautiful, but mine is when you're around. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on, a lent hand, a contagious smile, and joyful laugh. You make my world a better place. You have grown up soooo much since we first met, and I have enjoyed it all. We don't see each other near often enough, but when we do finally get together, we catch up in mere minutes, and then it is like we were never apart.

Thank you for being beautiful.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for accepting me with all my baggage.
Thank you for helping me carry my baggage.
Thank you for loving me.

I love you so much dear friend and cannot wait to see what this next year, and the rest of our future brings. (I think I can hear wedding bells and babies crying...)

Happy 21st birthday(tomorrow), sweet friend.

So much love, 
RachyAnn

P.S. You're stuck with me for the rest of time. Sorry, not sorry.
P.P.S. We need an updated pic together.
          That is all. Love you!!!

The Gift of a Friend ~ Demi Lovato

God Gave Me You ~ Blake Shelton

Friends are Friends Forever ~ Michael W Smith

Forgiveness Day 2016

 

Yup, apparently this day exists as a national day. Forgiveness. It's not a touchy subject per se, but sometimes a very challenging one. 

I have blogged about forgiveness a couple times before. It is something I am passionate about dishing out, because far too many times I have been the one seeking it, needing it. 

Everyone on the earth sins. Point blank, we are all sinners. Everyone wrongs someone every now and again. Sometimes intentionally, with complete congnizance of doing so, sometimes completely unintentionally, and quite often somewhere between the 2 extremes.

I can only imagine how much God's heart hurts when His own children are the ones hurting others. 

The greatest example of forgiveness comes to us in John 19. With Jesus willingly giving His life on the cross for wretched people such as myself. So undeserving. Nothing shouts pure and honest forgiveness like letting someone nail your hands to a cross after lugging your own death tree up a hill, letting them smash a crown of thorns onto your head, and letting them whip you until blood is drawn and dripping from all over your torso, arms, and legs.

All the while, knowing You and Your Father above have every right and possess the omnipotence to get Yourself off that cross, to stop it all before it even began. Jesus cried, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" Matthew 27:46b

God the Father, the Son, and the Holy spirit. The Trinity. Three-in-one. But for a moment, God had to turn His face. Imagine the torment it caused Him to see His only Son suffering such pain, and for such undeserving people.

He didn't die on that cross just for me, but He did die on that cross FOR me. He endured unthinkable, unimaginable, excrutuating pain, for me? For this undeserving and disobedient sinner? But, why? 

Some things in life make total and completely clear sense. Attending school, graduating and attending college. Moving out of our parent's homes to blossom on our own. Finding, courting, and marrying your true love. Birthing beautiful children and raising them to love and worship our Lord. But then there are hiccups, if you will, in the road of our life, such as burying a child, losing a parent at a young age, and I liken the confusion of those kinds of events in life to trying to understand God's willingness to offer forgiveness to the likes of us.

It comes as hard to believe, especially for the 'unbeliever,' that a man can die and rise again. Even having been a believer for most of my life, sometimes it still blows my mind. And maybe it isn't event the fact that He died and rose again, on His own will and power, though being a nurse I know that only God could have made that possible. But maybe, it is the fact of His death; the suffering and agony that He endured, all for us. For us, such filthy, sinful, and undeserving creatures that we have become since Eve ate of the forbidden fruit in the garden. Maybe that is what is most awe inspiring to me.

That love. That forgiveness.

'For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.' John 3:16  A widely known and quite possibly one of the most popular verses in the Bible. He SO loved the world that He created, though it had turned into such an evil place full of sinners like me, He loved the lowest of us, SO much, that He sent His Son to suffer and die on a cross, to forgive us of our sins. Sent His Beloved, to pay for sins that we committed. Not Jesus paying for His own sins, for He was perfect, spotless, sinless. Yet He suffered a torturous death, FOR US.

'For by grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.' Ephesians 2:8-9 No matter what you have done, or not done (sins), in this life, no matter how much money you give to your church, no matter how many children you adopt, how many highways you clean up, how many lives you have impacted for Christ, no. No matter what, you don't deserve the forgiveness God offers, but that is what makes it so overwhelmingly awesome, and thus should make us all the more thankful for receiving it without even having to earn it. So dish it out, even when it seems the offender doesn't 'deserve' it, because neither do we. God commands us to forgive in Matthew 18:21-22, where Peter is asking how many times he should forgive his brother for sinning against him, and Jesus replies, not just 7 times, but 7x70 times. Over and over again we should be forgiving those that sin against us.

 

So take what you have done into consideration in your daily life. If you were to add up all your sins, does the cluster even compare to the wrong that has been done unto you? If Jesus was willing to love you enough to die on a cross for your cluster of sins, does forgiving the wrongdoer seem so hard now? Forgiving is loving. Show Christ's love in every way possible everyday. We are not here to hold grudges, but to love and show Christ to those that don't believe. So forgive others, believers and unbelievers alike, we all need to see and feel Christ's love through the actions and words of Christians around us.

'Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ forgave you.' Ephesians 4:32

7x70 Times ~ Chris August                       Waterfall ~ Chris Tomlin

Mended ~ Matthew West

Birthday Blessings

Today marks the 25th year of my existence on this earth. 

 

Many things have happened in the past year, some good, some great, some horrible, awful, heart-wrenching, and faith testing. Some things I could control, both good and bad, and some were out of my hands.

 

I watched many people suffer in the hospital, cared for some elderly until they gave their last breath.

I was able to give my time as a member of a Nurse's Honor Guard for a funeral of a dearly loved patient, which was beyond an honor.

<--- (Fun pic to tickle your funny bone!)

I went on a couple dates with a couple men in our area, and then they quit talking to me. It amazes me! Everyone all around me tells me I am just perfect wife material, girlfriend material, yada yada yada. Let's just say, this chica is not convinced!

I held a dead baby in my arms, a beautiful baby that didn't respond to our code blue procedures. A baby that God knew He needed in heaven before we here on earth were ready to let the baby go. After which I was numb. I walked out of the ER, back upstairs, just couldn't talk, couldn't cry, couldn't hardly convince my lungs to keep breathing, (praise God that that is my parasympathetic nervous system's job to control). I finished with report to the next shift, woke my sister, walked outside, and immediately texted my best friend. I drove to Johnson, numb. Somehow was able to give my sister a glimpse of the horror I had just experienced. Not for sympathy, but so she would know why I was acting the way I was. Why talkative, joyful Rachael wasn't saying a word or smiling. 

And it gets worse. I thought that was a bad day, but no. An even worse day happened that month, I broke a friend's heart. I seriously hurt someone that I love. Nothing feels worse than that. Even holding a lifeless baby in my arms doesn't come close to the pain I have felt since that day, just knowing the pain I caused her. 

Then we had a big scare with my Dad...it scared me, but again, for some reason when it comes to my own family members and loved ones being sick or hurt, it tends to not worry me as much. Maybe it is because I know God is on our side. I don't know. I remember the same feeling when my boss told me back in 2008, that the ambulance was at my house, tending to my little brother who wrecked his bike. I remember thinking oh my goodness, and then just as quickly, "it's just a bike wreck,' he'll be fine, I just knew everything would be okay. Apparently that time wasn't lesson enough, because when I was told the news this time, (again, at work!!!) it had pretty much the same effect. I was worried instantly, but then calmed, and prayed, and knew everything would be okay. 

 

Today started out at work (just about midnight) with writing a letter to an Officer's family whose EOW was 5/22/16. Then I watched some hilarious videos with a co-worker. Then getting a happy birthday from a sweet patient that is stuck in the hospital while I get to leave for the day. I left work early to give my brother (whom I haven't seen since he moved into my house about a week ago) a ride to his truck. He works all day and I work all night. I came home to an empty sink, because my sister-roomie washed all the dishes as I left for work last night. I came home to a clean house, because my best friend picked up and vacuumed before she and my favorite nephews ended their stay here and took off for Winona. I came home to a cool house and a stocked pantry, because God has blessed me with these things. I baked a cake, made some brownies, then hit the hay, hard!

I didn't realize how exhausted I truly was until my head hit the pillow, then it was just zZzZzzZzz's from then until 4:30pm. I got up at 4:35pm, rolled out of my comfy bed, hopped in the shower (almost literally), and got dressed for work. Did the dishes from the morning, a load of laundry, sat around a little, then threw all the goodies in my car for work and hopped in the car headed to the ice cream shop.

By the way, if you are ever in the Armpit of America, KS, you should check that place out. (---> Here's their address and hours!) Until a couple nights ago I had only had their Mexican ice cream, which is absolutely delightful. Then the other day the mother of the man who owns the shop brought some delish frozen treats on a stick, that I cannot pronounce or spell (paleta con fresa possibly), and that, that was ah-mazing. Anywho, you should check it out!  

 

 

I slept, all day. (8 hours y'all!) Woke to many texts, snaps (you can see one of my favorite snaps of the day above), Facebook msgs & posts, and a couple missed phone calls.

 

I was called many names today. Rachael was one of them, odd I know.

 

Also:

 

Awesome, Kid, Rachy, Beautiful, Crrrazy, Dear, Loving 'Auntie', 'other' Daughter, Friend, Woman, Joyful Girl, Fun, Love, Ray of Sunshine, Rachael!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (+ or - a few !!!!!s), Rach, Missy, Dear Friend, Fabulous, Rayray, Weird, Odd, Energetic, Ball of Fun, Caring, 'Amazzz balls' person, & Ray-ray... to name a few. 

 

I woke realizing how many people that matter in my life actually might reciprocate my feelings for them. 

 

 

I woke wishing my little brother was here to celebrate with me, but knowing he is in a much better place, too consumed by God's awesomeness to peek down at this girl on her birthday or even pass a thought my way. And yes, for a moment, I forced all cares for what God has planned for me here on earth for the short time I get to be here aside, and allowed myself to be straight-up jealous of Simon. Jealous of his being in heaven, safe from this cruel, hateful, wicked world, but at the same time overly joyed that he is.

Then I remembered that I woke up. Had I not, I would be in a much better place right now, the best place ever, for the most bomb birthday party ever, but I woke up today. 

I woke up. 

I woke up today, because God is not done with me yet. 

I woke up today, because there are things in God's agenda that He wants me to help complete. 

I woke up today, because my patients need me. I woke up today, because I need my patients. 

I woke up today, so that my co-worker's could do their best to get their 25 spankings in before midnight. (I doubt they quit when my birthday is actually over...I can safely assume this will go all night, they haven't got very far yet.)

I woke up today so that others can know I have seen and felt the love they have shown me.

 

I woke up today to serve others.

I woke up today because God allowed me to wake up today.

 

I woke up today to serve Him.

 

 

I woke up, got ready for work. Grabbed some deliciousness from the Mexican ice cream shop on the way, along with some weird combo of chips, cabbage, cheese and hot sauce that a coworker ordered. Me being superwoman denied needing help to my car with the goods. Then I get to work, swipe my key fob-thingy-majigger, and boom. Dropped the weird combo of papas that was ordered...all over outside the door. Super. Fail. I just yell, then laugh, kick the mess off the sidewalk, then meander in to work. I then sit down for report and spill a co-worker's water all over the table. Fast forward 2 hours, and I sit down for my birthday supper celebration-meal at work, and somehow fling rice all over the table and a coworker. Let's just say, this day hasn't actually been 'my' day.

 

But that's okay, because it's the Lord's day anyway.

 

For my birthday celebration-meal a co-worker brought chicken quesadillas from Alejandro's restaurant here in town, can you say Mom-delish!? Nommmmmmmmnom. Another brought some great homemade rice. And sugar cookies from yet another co-worker. (Pictured with me at the beginning of this post!) Then yet another co-worker came up to work on her night off and blessed me with some delicious, hilarious, perfect gifts. (See pic below!) What a blessed little lady I am!  

 

As I entered my 25th year, I thought back to the past year of my life. I started with seeing, knowing, and acknowledging how very blessed I truly am. I celebrated the birth of my 4th nephew and the birth of my best friend's daughter. I celebrated birthdays of my other 3 nephews, as well as my 3 nieces. Celebrated the birthday of each of my 7 siblings and my parents. I was able to make the trip to New York to see very loved and very missed family and friends, memories I will treasure the rest of my sweet time here on earth. I was able to purchase my first home (so much adulting going on over here) <---(this computer thinks adulting is not a word and keeps changing it to adulating... I am just over here like, 'You don't know my life Windows!!'). I have made new friends. I have been able to keep in touch with old ones.

 

 

I just want to say thank you to all who have impacted my life this past year, whether positively (mostly) or negatively. I have learned something from all of you. Thank you to those who choose to put up with me (friends) and I apologize now to those of you that have to put up with me (family and co-workers). You all mean the world to me. I appreciate your many wishes on this quarter-of-a-century birthday of mine. :) 

As my day comes to a close, I simply remember this: 

 

1) I am loved.

 

 

2) I got 99 problems, but knowing where I am headed after I die ain't one of 'em.

 

 

3) He's got the whole world in His hands.

 

 

'Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me ---practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.' ~Ephesians 4:4-9

 

 

Don't forget to check out the not-so-random Youtube videos I always post at the end of my blogs! I love music y'all!

 

Through All of It ~ Colton Dixon

Trust in You ~ Lauren Daigle

Great is Our God ~ Plumb
Who Am I ~ Casting Crowns

 

Thanks for reading, and God bless you!

A Letter to My Brokenhearted BFF

Subconsciously I find myself ranking my best friends. But there is not just one #1. There are a couple. When you are from completely different times in my life, and bring completely different qualities to the table, how can one compare all of you to the same standard? This goes out to one of you. This is not a random open letter to a random person, but rather a very pointed letter to a specific and special friend, but names won't be mentioned. You know who you are.

Sometimes it is hard to say in person, the way I really feel, even to a best friend. I feel I can be open and completely honest with you, but sometimes we go about life leaving some things unvoiced, just convincing ourselves that the people we love know how we feel because we show them in the way we live and treat them. But I also know that sometimes, especially when distance separates us, we don't say how we really feel and how important others are to us often enough, so I am writing this letter to say it for me.

To My Best Friend,

You are a very important person in my life. You are one of my dearest friends. You know me better than I know myself, I am so sure.  When we are together, the rest of the world dims just a little, and we get lost in the moment. For me, my worries fade, I savor the times we spend together. Surprises are rare with you, because we know each other so well. The element of surprise isn't lost, I am just usually guaranteed that it won't be a 'bad' surprise, only good ones.

A couple weeks ago, I was perusing on social media and a couple things caught my attention, and I immediately sent you a text. We work nights, so I knew you may be sleeping and would respond to a text just as quick as a phone call, but didn't feel this was important enough in the moment to chance waking you with a call. Not because I don't love to hear your sweet voice, but because I know how much I loathe being woke in the middle of my minimal hours of sleep between shifts. My text was quick, and a bit vague, but full of concern, love, and wonder. Most of all, I was trying to make my heart return to it's normal rhythm. I feared that where my brain ran, after piecing together a couple pieces of information, might actually be the truth, and immediately I started praying.

I hope you know this was not the first time I prayed for you. I have prayed for you for years. I prayed for you to find a good man. I prayed for you to find a best friend in that good man, in hopes for a long future together. I prayed for you many of the same things I pray also for myself. A good job, helpful co-workers, healthy self and family, a man for God to join you with.

We aren't always able to spend as much time together as we'd like to, but life has a funny way of throwing miles between the best of friends. If it was a test, we passed, with flying colors. Our friendship is tried and true.

My heart breaks for you. My brain hurts, just trying to think of ways to help, to make it better, to fix things. My arms long to squeeze you in a bear hug for hours. I want to hold you while you cry on my shoulder, I want to wipe your tears. I want, for just a moment, to be able to help you forget about all that is wrong in your life, and just be lost in the bliss of our friendship. When we are together, all of life's problems aren't magically solved, but they sure seem less significant. I want that for you. I want that for you right now. 

When you called me back, I didn't even know what to say. My worst fear for you was coming true in the words you spoke through the phone. I was hundreds of miles away, making it impossible to truly comfort you. My stomach was in knots, my heart was broken, and my tongue was twisted. I was at a loss for words. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do to make it better. Since I am miles away, it seems all I can do is pray.

I don't mean to minimize prayer, as God commands we do it, and I find it extremely important in my life, and always a comfort for me. It brings me joy to pray for those I love dearly, and even those I may not love as much. I know you appreciate the prayers, and I pray God is comforting you in ways unimaginable at this time, but I still feel like I am doing you an injustice as your best friend in this time of need. I know you would never tell me so, but I hope you know I wish I could be there and do more for you. 

My words seem meaningless the minute they come out of my mouth, and even now as my fingers are flying across the keys. You are in a tough spot, and I don't know what to say that may help soften the edges of the knife life has thrown into you right now.

I know you are strong. You face everything that life throws at you head-on, and I know it seems life has thrown you an unfair amount of hard times in your young 25 years. I know somehow, no matter what you've been faced with, you always come out with your head high on your shoulders and a smile on your pretty little face. You are beautiful. You are fun. You are a smart, wonderful, tenderhearted nurse. You are loved. You are missed. You are sensitive and bright. You are a safe haven for the weary heart. You are a true friend. You are spontaneous and bubbly, yet quiet and reserved. You are the kind of best friend every girl longs to have. You are perfect, yet perfectly imperfect. You are perfect to me.

You are a friend that I consider family. Even though my life without you would be like a box full of abandoned puppies, I know I don't need to talk to you everyday, because that would be like checking in with my siblings every 24 hours, and Lord knows I don't do that. That would only lead to silly arguments. I know it will be hard if not impossible for you to find a crazier person to call friend, and for that fact alone I am grateful that you claim me most days. Thank you for standing by me through the thick and thin in life. Thank you for being a person with whom the silences are never awkward.

I don't know why you choose to maintain this friendship with me, but I love you for it. You and a few crazy souls like you, that for some strange reason keep offering me love and comradeship. You have seen me at my most immature moments, and yet you choose to stick around. You're the real MVPs, just so you know. Thank you for always listening, to the important things, the off-the-wall and nonsensical things, and all the little things I may converse to you about. Thank you for always making time for me. Thank you for showing me that two people don't have to love the same music and movies and shows and interests to be get along. I know I can do the most simple and usually boring tasks with you, and they won't suck. Your friendship is indispensable to me.

Thank you for trusting me enough to come to me in your times of need. Thank you for letting your tears fall on my shoulders, in the comfort of my home. Thank you for trusting me with your fears and doubts, your insecurities. Thank you for being one of the first and truest friends I made in college. The last 7 years of my life would be much different without you playing a part in it. I thank God daily that He allowed us to meet, bond, and blossom together.

Thank you for believing in me when I couldn't find it within me to believe in myself. Thank you for being there to help me pick up the pieces of myself when yet another person had let me down. Thank you for being strong enough to tell me to my face when I needed to check myself. Thank you for being willing to dance like crazy in the middle of the dance floor. Thank you for never pressuring me into doing anything I didn't want to, but for encouraging me to try new things. Thank you for being there for my first break-up, being a safety net for my heart, breaking the fall.

Thank you for encouraging me when I knew I was going to fail microbiology, that class was the devil of all classes. Thank you for being inspiring, for being a motivating factor behind my getting into the library to study more often than I would have on my own terms. Thank you for showing me what a good college student looks like. Thank you for getting me out of the house too, thanks for knowing when enough studying is enough studying, and going out on the town for a good time with me. Thank you for not making the men in your life your only priority, but including your friends in the mix. 

Keeping a friendship alive is a two-way street. It requires tending from both parties, and you do it well, I hope I return at least half the effort that you give. Despite the amazing people I have met along the way in this life journey down here in Armpit of America, KS, you are still one of the most frequent on my mind. Especially now, now that I wonder how you're feeling, I wonder how I missed the signs leading up to this. I wonder how you hid it so well, from someone who thought she knew all things you. Believe me when I say that I don't blame you for my not knowing; I blame myself. For not seeing signs, picking up signals, or sensing your unhappiness. I am sorry that I wasn't as good a friend as I thought I had been.

I do not know how what you are going through at this moment will impact the rest of your life, but I can promise I will be here to hold your hand as you go through it. I can promise I will be here, for whatever, whenever you need me. I can promise that this friendship is a priority in my life, and I plan to keep that way until we are both racing around in wheelchairs, yelling loud enough that our hearing aides pick up at least traces of our conversations, and find ourselves frequently laughing our dentures right out of our mouths.

Now it is my turn to encourage you. Dear precious friend, God has you. He is holding you, He has been with you through it all. He sees your broken heart, He knows the strife you have been through. He knows.  Keep your head up, and when you have kept it up as long as you can, come rest it on my shoulder.

I love you for being the wonderful person you are. I love you for not being afraid to just be you! I love you for the joy you bring into my life just by being there. I love you for listening to me list all my troubles, and for sharing yours with me. I love you for trusting me with your secrets. I love you for accepting me, with all my inadequacies. I love you for the fun we always have together, the many laughs, the road trips, the inside jokes. I love you for always feeling comfortable enough to be open with me. 

I love you most of all for being the best friend anyone could ever have. I am so incredibly blessed to call you friend, sweet girl.

Love you SO much,
RachyAnn

https://youtu.be/F77v41jbOYs <--Tell Your Heart to Beat Again-Danny Gokey