Nothing is Beyond the Reach of God's Hands

12/11/15 @ 1600
Nothing will wake a person up faster than getting a text saying your Dad is in the hospital. Now, mind you, this may not turn out to be as bad as I make it sound, but still heart wrenching and terrifying, because even if just for a split second, a thought flew through my mind, 'my Dad could die today.' It is not something one chooses to think about everyday, though of course it is always a possibility, as we are not guaranteed tomorrow, we are only guaranteed the amount of time God gives us, and only He knows when our last breath will be inhaled.

My father has been having some trouble sleeping, and thus been exhausted throughout the day, everyday. When I have been home recently, I noticed this, he has been aware of this, I thought sleep apnea (which I still believe), but he just shrugged off my worry, thought he had fixed it by adding more calcium to his diet. My little brother was with my Dad today, and was unable to even hold a conversation with him, as he was short of breath, and probably falling asleep. While helping my Dad last week, you would have thought I would have caught on, ya know, being a nurse and all, I went to school for 5 years by golly, you would think I could see when my own family members were not 100%. He climbed up in the tractor and that got him winded pretty bad, and he mentioned it, and how sad it was that just that could make him so short of breath, but I chalked that up to being overweight, like the rest of us. It is my job to constantly assess people, and changes in their health, so why did I overlook something in my own family? I don't know. I probably could have talked him into going to the doctor, but he didn't have insurance.

God, He sure works in mysterious ways. My Dad's hip has been bothering him for about a year and a half now. And lately he has noticed himself waking gasping for air, which is why I thought sleep apnea, a sleep study, and a cpap were the answer. Dad didn't want to do anything until he had insurance, but he wasn't going to apply for any until he was going to qualify for Medicare in a couple short years, so he was going to tough it out until then, but things changed last week. Last week he called an organization by the name of Christian Healthcare Ministries, asked them to send a booklet, and then read through it, as did I. He asked what I thought, and if it seemed like a wise decision. I said yes, it carries a monthly price (tiered donations) that each person pays to a lump account, that is then distributed to pay for each other's medical bills, as well as prays for those involved in the organization. For someone without health insurance, this seemed like a wise decision, and boy God could not have had better timing! They just called today, to say that my dad application was accepted, so praise God!

So, back to the primary direction of this post, God. He is always in control. I know that now more than ever, I have known that for years. Sometimes, that is harder to understand than others. It sure seems easier to let family members know that God is in control and encourage them that He knows what tomorrow will bring for their sick family member, when it is not my own. It sure seems easier to pray and know that God will take care of a person, when it is not your loved one. But I do know, though it may be hard to comprehend most times, that He knows what's up! Seth took my Dad to the doctor today, but so did God! God is in that hospital with him right now, watching over, letting his heart beat again, and again, and again, and his lungs expand. God knows.

12-11-15 @ 2345

As I sit here at work, unable to be at my Dad's side, unable to be there for my Momma and rest of my family, and to help the staff caring for him tonight, I am reminded of the last time something serious happened in my family, when Silas had ankle surgery just in the last couple weeks. Where again I was unable to be there because of work, and didn't see him until he was home on my first day off 2 days later. I spent my first day back yelling at him because he begged me to come home, but then opted to play on his iPad in bed all day, and then I  hung out with my nephews (after teasing my Dad for being so tired and falling asleep mid-conversation with me). The next day (Dec 4th) I went out to the cows and did chores with Dad, which did not require a lot of manual labor, hauling 50-lb feed sacks, 5-gallon buckets of grain, a sledge hammer, hauling water, hauling hay bales, getting up and down and up and down from the tractor for each chore, and to open gates, etc. But was more emotionally straining to me than physical. My Pops is very particular on how he likes things done, and especially if he is watching, you will do it his way. Thus, he was a hot mess the entire time, because I am rarely home to help with chores, so I do not know exactly how he would like everything done...thus he spent a lot of time yelling at me, and I spent a lot of time laughing and telling him to calm down. I know sometimes I make him so mad he probably has to remind himself that he loves me, but it's okay, as long as he never forgets that he does! Regardless, chores got done, and I made it to my sister's basketball game, late, and had some pretty attractive bibs on when I arrived, hole in the butt and all, but we got the chores done, and I made it anyway. And I know Dad appreciated the help, especially now that Silas is out on crutches for this next couple of weeks, and he was upset because Seth wasn't going to be able to be home this weekend due to some finals. Dad's hip had really been bothering him that day, he even grabbed the crutches before making his way up to the game, I was standing in the doorway to the gym, because we have carpeted bleachers wearing some greasy and cow manure-y bibs, so I didn't want to sit until I had been able to go home and change. Dad shows up, stood there by me for a bit, dropped a crutch, that I offered to bend over and get but he insisted I let him do it. That is just him, his way or the highway. I can only imagine the fight he gave my younger brother today, when he suggested Dad go to the doctor, but glad he said whatever he did to convince Dad to go, because now he is getting the care and attention he and his body need right now.

I am sure the nurses that have cared for him today have dreaded knowing that a family member who is a nurse is calling for updates. I know sometimes that medical professional family members can be the worst to deal with, they know all the answers, they have all the best ideas, they know exactly how everything should be done and when. But I am confident that I was not that nurse, I simply asked questions, and enjoyed being talked to as an equal. I hope they equally enjoyed not having to "dumb down" for me. In nursing school we are taught to explain medical stuff in a way that a 4th grader could understand, so as to not speak over patient's and family member's heads, and to keep them properly informed on what is going on with the patients and their health. I felt encouraged, after talking with his two nurses today, in two separate facilities, as each of them seemed to have a good head on their shoulders. Maybe they were both new nurses maybe not, but I felt after each conversation that Dad was in good hands, and was where he needed to be at just that moment.

As this journey continues, the journey of restoring my father to the best health he may be restored to, keep my Momma in your prayers as well. She has been strong throughout the day today, but I know she too is worried, she is praying, she has broken down about it, so keep her in your prayers, pray that she takes care of herself as well as she tends to take care of others. Pray for safe travels for family members, to and from Hays over the next couple days/weeks. Pray for wisdom for the doctors and nurses that care for him while he is there. Pray that we may find peace in knowing whatever happens, whatever needs done, whatever care he requires in the hospital, and later at home, that His will be done in all things.