Forgiveness

There are some things none of us can completely control; one of them is protecting our hearts every single moment of every day. We can try with all our might, all day and all night, but we can't control the way other people make us feel.  

I attended a concert the other night (a wonderful concert might I add.) It featured I Am They, Hawk Nelson, and Tenth Avenue North. (All bands I would recommend Youtube-ing if you have a couple minutes, as they have some great songs.) As the concert was winding down, Tenth Avenue North was on the stage, and their lead singer, Mike (Mike Mike Mike), was speaking an intro to one of their songs, that happens to be one of my favorites of theirs, called 'Losing'. As I am listening to his words, and then the song lyrics, listening, really hearing them, I feel my emotions start rolling down my cheeks. And then later in the show, they sang their song titled 'By Your Side' which attained the same effect. Life hasn't been all cherry blossoms and sunshine this past year, but the heavy weight that sits on my shoulder, eating away at my mind every wake second of every day, well it lingered that night as well, it was constantly at the forefront of my mind. But, as I really heard the words, as I thought about all that I have been through, all that I put myself through in the last 12 months, I felt.

I felt sadness. I felt peace. I felt hope. I felt forgiveness.

I don't know what forgiveness means to you. I don't know what you have done to need forgiving, I don't know what other people have done to you that required forgiveness. I only know what I myself have done. And most likely, just like you I could write a list an encyclopedia long about what others have done to me that I have had to forgive. That list is much easier to write than the most likely equally lengthy list of those instances in which I was the one doing wrong by others.

No one lives life believing they are innocent at all times. But I do believe that most people, most of the time, are just doing the best they can. I believe that no one intends to hurt someone they love, but somehow they do. Maybe they hurt that person once unintentionally, maybe it happened again. Maybe 20 times. At some point, what may not have seemed intentional was now intentional, as it had become motivated. Motivated by whatever you were getting in return for continuing in said sin. Maybe you don't mean to hurt, maybe you don't want to hurt them at all, but you can't get past the sin you are caught up in, and the rewards being thrown at you by Satan as you continue to do what he wants you to, what he has convinced you that you want to do.

Whether that person I wronged has forgiven me or not, that is not important, not for my sake. What is important, is have I forgiven myself? I am so quick to point out every single moment that I am wronged by someone else, moments that I need apologies for, but yet turned a blind eye to the moments where I myself was the one in the wrong. And then, when the reality of the wrongness was thrown in my face, I became a mess. I couldn't bring myself to let forgiveness wash over me, because I couldn't forgive myself.


Back to the concert. God made it known to me, in that moment, that no matter what I had told myself, no matter what that person that I had wronged had told me, no matter how many times I had apologized to that person, He had forgiven me, and I had yet to forgive myself, to totally forgive. I will never forget, but that doesn't mean that I have to live day by day continuously beating myself down every time I got up out of bed. It was a vicious cycle, and the only reason my heart and mind even attained rest, was because I slept, and even then, only because I don't dream. For weeks I reminded myself of what I had done. Then at some point, it no longer mattered what I had done, but rather the hurt I had impeded on people that I loved. 

The burden never lightened, just when I thought it might, the seemingly impossible would happen: some bitterness would gather, making the burden I bore heavier. I increasingly felt the need for forgiveness, but that whole time I felt that I needed it from the person(s) I wronged. I felt I needed that person to confront me, to tell me I was forgiven.

I just knew that if those words were spoken to me, no matter the circumstances that came along with the forgiveness, everything would be better. I just knew my biggest problem in life at the moment would have suddenly been solved.

In church we speak a lot of how Christians are to forgive, as Christ does. It is spoke of as a moral obligation, like the only natural, reasonable, and "Christian" response to being hurt. So when I don't feel like forgiving, does that make me not a Christian, no. It definitely is not the Christian thing to do, to maintain the pent-up resent, when instead we need to dissolve the grudge(s) we have against each other. We, as Christians speak of forgiveness as something that happens and we move on. This doesn't necessarily mean to go on in life, having forgotten what others have done, but rather to chalk each moment of hurt up to life's lessons, as we show grace upon that person, forgive, and go on in life. We talk about forgiveness, like it is an event, just a moment in life, but it's just not. One thing that has helped me through the day today, is to say "I'm forgiving you," rather than, "I forgive you." Because forgiveness is something I have to give myself over and over again, and with repetition, I hope it will become a habit, and I hope it will get easier over time. Because being able to forgive myself habitually, will make forgiving others easier.

While I was standing there, indulging in the lyrics of the worship songs I had heard and sung numerous times, I felt. Like a raging river the tears and regret flowed, the grace and love I am not sure I deserve rushed over me, and at the same time I felt forgiveness come rushing in. It did not make what I had done okay, but it made me mollified.

I was able, in that moment, to forgive myself.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, but it also doesn't mean brutally battling myself over what I had done in the past. Not overlooking what you have done, but rather learning from your mistake is crucial, especially when it is yourself you need to forgive. 'Forgive and forget' is easier said than done, because not only is it impossible, but forgetting could potentially be dangerous for ourselves. Sometimes the most forgiving thing we can do, for ourselves and the person who has hurt us, is to say, 'thank you for what you have taught me about myself and about life. I'm moving on.' I don't think that true forgiveness happens without justice, honesty, boundaries, space, distance, and time also occurring. And while you ensure that all of these happen concurrently, also ensure that you don't make yourself feel guilty about it. It is not a rejection of the other person, but rather a thorough acceptance of yourself. 

True forgiveness takes place when we look honestly at the ways in which we have been hurt, hand our anger over to Jesus, and let it rest with Him.

If you take only one thing from this post, make it this:

Learn to forgive yourself; until you attain self forgiveness, you will never be able to fully forgive others, as Christ has called us to do.

Philippians 4:7  'The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.'

Ephesians 4:32  'Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.'

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North            Losing - Tenth Avenue North

It Is Well With My Soul - Audrey Assad

How to Love like God loves us!

All throughout the world, you will find people. People who show their love outwardly for all to see. People who don't make a point of showing theirs off, and yet it is so clearly evident in their everyday lives, whether to their spouse, their parents, their children, etc.


10 Ways to Love

1. LISTEN without interrupting. (Proverbs 18)

I sit at home, with a zillion "great" stories running through my mind. I have limited amount of people to entertain with these in my life.  Often when I try to tell stories, or talk about my day with these few people, I am hardly lent one ear, let alone full attention.  I find this so incredibly hurtful, that I make a daily point to ensure that my eyes are on the person talking to me, and sometimes, with my horrible memory, I even make a point of repeating what I think is important throughout the conversation back to myself in my head. 

I want to live, loving others. I want them to know and feel that love, and I believe it can just start to begin with listening, whether it's "real-talk time," or simply just visiting and fellowshipping together. Sometimes we get distracted with our own lives, and things going through our own heads, but when surrounded by people we need to love (so, any and everyone), we should start with some attention. 

2. SPEAK without accusing. (James 1:19)

I find myself guilty of this often, though I try so hard to make it happen less often. When someone has hurt me, whether intentionally or not, it brings out the worst in me. Even when I don't show it outwardly, or through unkind words out of my mouth, I think the thoughts, and that is just the beginning of a bad habit. SO I make a point of trying to clear my mind of negative thoughts, and if it is impossible, I make a point of just going to this person that I have let cause these thoughts and feelings, and talk it out! 

3. GIVE without sparing. (Proverbs 21:26)

I have this sister, she is not loaded, but she is always making a huge point of blessing others with things she makes room in her heart to give to others. She works hard for her money, and the smiles she receives for such blessing, I can only imagine is the biggest blessing of all to herself. We were taught as young children to tithe 10% to God of everything we earn, if only I could say I have honestly done that my entire life. But even more than giving to the church, to God, I think in my life, I will make a point of making sure the loved ones around me have the things they need, and that strangers are clothed and fed, and those less fortunate or unemployed are having their needs met. 

4. PRAY without ceasing. (Colossians 1:9)

I start my day with prayer, I pray for my family and friends, my day. I pray that God will help me bless Him with all my might each day. I leave for work a half hour early, and drive around Ulysses and pray for friends, my pastor, my church, my job, my patients. I make a point of starting my day out with as much prayer as possible, so that I can be in the habit of always thinking about God and knowing that He is always willing and ready to listen. God wants us to speak to Him daily, He wants to know us, He wants us to know Him. He made us, so how could He not want to hear us out. Pray as often as you can, and sooner than you know it, you will be praying all the time. And it is so refreshing. Indulge!

5. ANSWER without arguing. (Proverbs 17:1)

There is not a person in this life that I have not at some point disagreed with. There are things worth debating over, and things not worth it. Instead of always taking the defensive side, we need to hear them out, listen intently, decide where we stand on the topic of conversation, and have an adult conversation about it. This is always easier said than done, until you make it a habit! Habits can be damaging to relationships, and can also be amazing and help the relationship grow! 

6. SHARE without pretending. (Ephesians 4:15)

This goes for emotions, LOVE, time, things that really matter. This can also pertain to tangible things, but when it comes to loving others. God wants us to be honest, and forthright with ourselves. He gave Himself completely to us, and gave us His only son! Can you imagine, how huge His heart has to be? Like unimaginably ginormous! We can only wish to attain a trillionth of the size, by sharing ourselves with others without facades. If you can't be real with them, then your relationship will be meaningless and empty. 

7. ENJOY without complaint. (Philippians 2:14)

No one has a great day everyday! There is always something that happens that can turn a great day around in a snap. There can also be little things that happen that make a rough day amazing in an instant.  There was a time in my life when I wasn't even half as positive as I find myself these days. Having just graduated in May, school was sometimes a stressor in my life, so I lost a stressor. But I can even remember back to high school, usually I was happy, but not all the time. I was s typical high school student, I did not tend to make the drama, but I let myself hear it and want to hear it and be in the “know.” Now, I have made a habit of not being curious when it does not pertain to me, or is not kind, I tend to make a habit of being positive now! “Bad” things happen to everyone, but how we react to it, how we deal with it, that will affect our attitude about it! I just tend to know that God has a plan and a reason. I know those are not always obvious, especially when we just had our world rocked with bad news, or just got dumped, or are in the process of losing a great friend or mentor. Right off the bat, it is just human nature to go to a negative place in our minds, to see only the worst of our situations. But I make a point, the instant that my brain goes to negative-land, to pray, then seek out the positives! To know that God wants me to do this, so let us make the best of it and see where He leads it!  See the little blessings that He puts in your everyday, make a point of thanking Him for them, and I guarantee you will be happier! Don’t let Satan get a hold of you and your mind. You are an overcomer, connected to the Almighty God, He is able to turn around any situation in a heartbeat, let Him be in control, give it to Him, over and over again, until there is nothing left to give!

8. TRUST without wavering. (Corinthians 13:7)

God put Adam and Eve here on this Earth, as perfect humans, no shame, no regret, no worries, plenty of food. And then they disobeyed God, and now there are such things. Shame, dishonesty, disobedience, hate, etc. We all have suffered from one or all of the previous things before, we all also have been the ones to be shameful and lie, disobey our elders, and at some point hate someone. In order to love, we must trust. We must trust that the person on the other side of the relationship is working to benefit the relationship as well. We must trust each other, trust in what we say and what we say we will do. In order to trust others, we must also be true to our word and trustworthy, because when we are constantly being unworthy of others' trust, we will always doubt them, believing they also are unworthy, doubting their word, doubting their promises. But God wants us to put all trust in Him, to believe that He is in control and He will do all that He can to help us love others, and help our relationships grow. 

9. FORGIVE without punishment. (Colossians 3:13)

God sent His son, to die for us, for our sins. That is the biggest sacrifice anyone in this life has and will ever make. He watched His very own son die, bleed out on a cross, for us, for people that are constantly disobeying Him, and breaking His commandments. I do no have children, but I could never in a million years have the courage to do that for people that I knew would just be constantly ignoring my rules that I put forth before them. People will constantly be doing things, whether intentionally or on accident that are not pleasing to us, that may hurt us, physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. We must learn to forgive. When our partners or friends do something that we think is the end of the world, we need to step back, see it from their perspective, give them another chance, let them know how we feel, and that we forgive them. Don't keep it in, but again don't let little things affect you enough that they distract you from things that really need attention and really matter. Seek to always please God and to be the better person in the relationship. Help each other grow in Christ, pray with the other, anything that will help heal the wounds and get past the speed bump Satan threw in the road for you. 

10. PROMISE without forgetting. (Proverbs 13:12)

In order to love, and love successfully, we must always be true to our word, to our promises.  We must follow through, with even the little things. If we promise to love each other everyday, we must do so. When you truly try and love other people, it may be a struggle sometimes, a daily struggle. Fight the fight, it will always be worth it. The love you will receive in return, will be overwhelmingly greater and bountiful than the road blocks you went through to get there.  The Lord wants for our relationships to be successful and a blessing to both sides of the relationship! Anything worth your time is worth the fight to earn and retain! In order for love to be there, love must be given! Love one another, love your neighbor as yourself, love your enemies. Pray pray pray for everyone who ever comes to mind! Pray on the spot! They may need it just when God throws them on your mind! 

(NOTE TO SELF:  Pay close attention to #1, #2, #5 and #9.)

Grace

Throughout my week I scroll through Facebook and see close friends, distant friends, relatives, acquaintances, and then I come across some random people, and everytime I see their pictures or read their posts, I ask myself, "Why am I friends with them again?"

Often when this happens the first time, I say because I like to keep up with them, they may be offended if I unfriend them, or I will decide later. Then later comes around, I see their posts again, again I am in dismay that I am even Facebook friends with someone who posts such things, but yet again I say, "Oh, later." By the third time, I either unfriend them, or keep them there as a constant reminder that hey, that person may not right with the Lord and they need prayer and a friend right now. At that time I decide to make personal contact with them, and if they accept a renewal of our bond fine, if not I just keep in touch so I know how I can pray for them. 

This is easier said than done sometimes. Sometimes that someone has really hurt me, or someone very near and dear to my heart. Sometimes that person has hated me for years, regardless of whether or not I had done something to possibly deserve it. I even have a few friends that hate(d) me because of something THEY have done...how that works I have yet to comprehend. Satan is testing me everyday, tempting me to say rude things, pushing me to unfriend that reminder from my past, pushing the need for prayer to the back of my to-do list. 

I recently watched the film Grace Card, which I strongly encourage anyone who reads this to watch, an amazing film!  In this movie a preacher/policeman is partnered with a man who is depressed and obsessed with the death of his child many years ago. While on duty, they get a call to an electronic store where he ends up chasing and shooting the thief wearing a ski mask in the abdomen. Said thief ends up being his other son, the one he can't even look at because he loved his first son more, the one with whom he can't even have a normal conversation with because of the anger and grief from the death of his firstborn, the one whom he later claims he does not even know.

Anyway, at the end of the movie, this father/cop ends up meeting the man who killed his first son, and after serving eight years in prison and then going to Kenya for several years to serve their, returned to this man and his family to ask for forgiveness for what he had done, the sorrow he has caused their family. This father had been changed by the grace of God, asked God to forgive him and accept him as he was, and help him change, and when this man asked him for his forgiveness they were both in tears, and the father pulls out a note: his Grace card, and gives it to the man. 

The Grace card read this:

"I promise to pray for you everyday, ask your forgiveness, grant you the same, and be your friend always." (Signed by the father)

That is exactly what God has taught us to do! In the Scriptures, Ephesians 2:8 it says "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God".(KJV) This grace, it is free, the only thing God asks of us is to ask and recieve it. His grace is abundant and limitless, He lets us know this over and over in the New Testament. In 2 Corinthians 9:8 we are told "And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work." (KJV) But as followers of Christ we must not demand this grace with an empty heart, with no desire to appreciate it, with no desire to change our ways to be more like Him. 

In James 4:6 it says "But He giveth more grace. Wherefore He saith, God resistesth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble." It is not by works, or the constant attempts to do good things for other people that we acquire this grace. Not by tithing more money, saying more prayers, reading more verses, no. Simply succumbing yourself, your soul, your will, your heart to God, and believing in your heart that He is the one true God, then humbling yourself before Him. Then, then He grants us the grace we need, the grace He so willingly gives unto us.

 

In Hebrews 4 verse 16, "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." (KJV). God knows, He knows when we need it before we need it. He is giving it to us before we realize we need it. He is there for us, our best interest only second to His. He. Loves. You. 

As much grace as God gives us, so must we in turn give to others. That Facebook friend you constantly question, the one who "did you wrong" the one who "you did wrong," talk to them, if need be, type up you own grace card, or grace letter, give it to them, e-mail them, call then up, but most importantly, pray for them. God is always in control, and He will hear and answer your prayer, pray with a full understanding that He is listening. 

Our time spent here on Earth never seems long enough, (though before He created the Earth God knew when you would come into this world and when you will leave) make everyday a good day, smile at everyone that comes your way, love everyone, especially the ones that seem to make doing so a challenging task, and give grace as often as you can.