22 Things I Learned Growing Up In an 'Abnormally Large' Family

Things I have learned coming from a family of 11. You read that right. 9 kids, 2 parents. Wouldn't trade one of them for any amount of gold, but maybe 3! Just kidding!! I love 'em all! Here's a couple things coming from what the world considers a 'large' family has taught me. Of course, the lessons are endless, but here are a couple that come to mind right away. Don't pay any attention to the order they are listed, that is completely unrelated to supremacy, just like our birth order. :)

1) You can take a cold shower without writing home about it. You're used to being the 3rd in line to the only bathroom in the house, and no, siblings #1&2 never learned how to take a shorter shower, no matter how many times you've whined to them over the years. Thankfully, for many of the years after I graduated from evening bath time to morning showers, I was the #1 or #2, sorry guys! But my showers were pretty short, so I blame the other guy! 

2) You don't get upset when you get stuck with the dog pillow, you know the one. Not the pillow the dog uses, but the pillow-pet that is the reject of the mound of pillows, that whomever got last dibs was rewarded with. You're not mad, because that means the house is full, full of people, all of them using the good pillows of course.

3) When your sibling gets upset and storms out of a card game, you can just let it happen and not feel guilty about it, They will get over the loss, eventually. And just when they do, don't worry, you will remind them ASAP! One day, they will mature, like the rest of them. (Excluding me of course!) 

 

4) It's okay to be mad with jealousy when your youngest sister gets a full-sized bed, when all you had growing up was a twin bed, top bunk, because that's all you had room for. It is also okay to call dibs on the other half of that bed every time you come home too. You know that with her being the youngest, she has probably suffered the brunt of the picking, so she can have that full-sized bed, she may have earned it. But since she's the youngest, you're still her elder and you can still demand sharesies on the bed.

5) You really don't need a big house and lots of extra 'stuff'. Storage is quite limited when you grow up in a 3-bedroom home with 7 siblings under one roof. (No I didn't forget how to count, my oldest sister had graduated from high school and just started her freshman year of college when my youngest sibling was born.) So you learn at an early age that unless you want to sleep with it every night and nap time that you can live without that extra baby doll, newer cd player, newest and coolest sneakers, and better camera. 

6) When you don't pass math class, your iPad may get confiscated by Momma, and yes your adult siblings do get to call dibs on ownership until you get that grade back up. (Using my youngest brother as an example here, math was a strong-suit of mine that I am unashamed about! Thanks to Mrs. Johnson, I graduated from high school, and actually started missing math classes when I got to college!) 

7) You will forever answer to your siblings' name(s). Every day in school and church, and at home for that matter, was a guessing game for whomever was beckoning the beckoned. Susanna, Rachael, Rebecca, err Rose! Get in here! Just the other day in fact, I was called Rebecca, by someone who has never met my sister, and I answered anyway, then corrected them. 

8) When you grow up in a small town, and have a large family, your parents will get 'talked to' a lot more frequently. Coaches, teachers, other kids' parents, etc. They have to deal with more than your average number of run-ins with people who think they can parent better than them, so go ahead and obey them every now and then, God commands it. (Well He commands that we do it at all times, but none of us are perfect. Just do your best to do so always.)

9) You have your own 'mini-crowd' at sporting events, like a souped-up sub-crowd amongst the many humans in the stands. No matter how many people are yelling, you will ALWAYS hear your Dad's voice above them all. By the time the 4th child (that's me!) is making her way through her sports years, he has not only mastered the yell, but also how to shift his farming and ranching chores around your sports schedule, so no, he probably won't be missing your game tonight, sorry not sorry! 

10) Always wear sneakers when going home, for any holiday, special event, or random trip. I have a lot of siblings, and they have been reproducing since 2009, so home is generally quite busy with children everywhere, and I LOVE IT!! But sneakers are a necessity to the chasing and camaraderie that we face each holiday at home! 

11) It doesn't take a holiday or special occasion to bring everyone home for Momma's cooking and some good ole sibling verbal and physical rivalry, and love. No matter what day of the year it is, if you don't make it home when the rest of the bunch does, you missed a lively time. 

12) If you want extra things, literally anything that is not a necessity, or even just a nicer brand of the community shampoo, you're going to have to get a job at a young age. Mom and Pop don't have money lying around or growing on trees, same as every other parent in America, but every other parent doesn't have to pinch pennies as hard as those trying to raise 9 kids on one income. 

13) It won't kill you to work that job for those extra things. This will help you mature quicker and be more responsible with your money at an early age. Whatever you do, do it for the Lord.

14) You probably won't be getting a car for your 16th birthday like all the other teens in your town. Or for graduation. Or for college. No, you will get a hand-me-down, or whatever you can afford with the money you have saved from your job in #13, if you have been wise with your money that is. Take care of whatever car God does place in your hands, because it may be the only one you will have for the next 2,3, maybe even 5+ years. 

15) Don't ever take a loved one for granted. You cannot know how much time someone you love has on this earth. Don't take too much offense to people's reactions when you tell them you have 8 siblings, and they respond with, "that's a lot!" or 'that's too many!' They haven't walked a lifetime in your shoes, and wouldn't respond that way if they had. They also wouldn't respond that way if they knew you would give anything to have your youngest sibling back to add to the chaos you call love. 

16) You won't always make your Dad proud. There are 9 of you kids, someone will always make him proud, but in every moment it won't be you. You can hang your head for that moment, and that's okay. Just remember what you did wrong, learn from it, and do your best not to repeat it again. 

17) Life without television never hurt anyone. Having 9 kids, you can imagine the fights we had, but if we had a TV, we would never agree on one thing to watch, ever. So our parents not buying a tv was actually a huge blessing. Plus, it meant more playing outside!

18) Dad is always right, until he isn't. But you don't get to inform him otherwise until you have learned to do so respectfully. 

19) No matter what, Mom is ALWAYS right. Don't argue with her, it will be breath quite wasted trying to prove yourself correct over her.

20) No matter how many times you tell her otherwise, Momma doesn't have a favorite child, but she might have a couple. Just kidding! No favorites allowed, God's instruction. You may never know how, but your Momma is a boss at dividing her love amongst her husband, her 9 children, and her now 7 grandkiddos! Take notes, maybe someday you will understand! 

21) No matter how many times and regardless of severity of the disappointment, Mom and Dad will still love you, no matter what you have done. Their love is unconditional and limitless. Don't take advantage of that and be a full-time rebel, but rest assured, even when you mess up, they will be waiting with open arms and an open heart. And it pains them just as much to beat your bottom as it does for you to receive the spankings, beltings, bootings, etc. 

22) You can never love too much. Open your heart as much as you can as often as you can, because every sibling (everyone in the world for that matter) can use some extra love always. Love honestly, love toughly when necessary, love openly, and love more.

Tests in Life

'Deeper love...down to our very soul. It's there we have an anchor who will not let us go; the Lord who calmed the sea is the One who sees us through; He's given us...a deeper love.' ~Diane Machen

 

I remember the day I woke for my NCLEX (state board exam for nursing). I woke up, early of course, for some (probably useless) last minute cramming. I remember showing up early, my stomach in my throat, threatening to expel it's contents at any second. I remember emptying my pockets' contents and my phone into a locker. I remember scanning my fingerprint(s). Being led to a computer in a room of about 6 desktops. I remember quietly filling my lungs to max capacity and letting it out slowly. Then starting. I don't remember any of the questions, in fact I couldn't even tell you today, just a year and a half after taking it, what one of the frequent topics was. I remember answering the 75th question (50 minutes into the test) and then the test shutting off. At that moment, the inhale was much sharper, and I felt immediate hypertension onset. I knew with all my heart that I had just failed. I did not feel confident about most of the topics that happened to come through the mix. I remember sitting there for a minute in utter disbelief, already dreading another testing fee. I then gathered myself, exited the room, grabbed my things from the locker, did my best to smile at the desk lady (wasn't her fault I had just failed), and exited the building, only to be met by the gorgeous and sunny mid-June day that had been forming outside. The weather alone should have been enough to lift my spirits, the sun alone usually did the trick, but not that day.

I had learned of a suggested 'cheat' or quick way to know if you passed or not online, by trying to schedule another date, but it wasn't a proven hack. If it let you schedule another test, you failed. If it didn't you presumably passed. My blood pressure dipped a little after I was unable to do so. At which point, I took my stressed self into my room, threw on some sneakers, and went and hoofed a good 7 miles around Hays; all the while praying, hoping, wishing that I had passed that test, all the while having a huge gut feeling I hadn't. I didn't text anyone, I didn't call anyone, it was just God, my crazy emotions, and I. The last 2 were a bad match that day. I mean total hot mess status.

There are few moments where I had ever felt so nervous or anxious that I just knew if I did anything other than breathe, I was going to vomit. In fact, I can only think of two since that day. But each time, including that day, whatever was going to happen, was going to happen. But I am human, so worry is exactly what I did. I am not usually an anxious person, but that day my anxiety was probably at a committable level.

 

That's the thing, no matter what happens with each test we are faced with in life, we can only do so much, we can only control so much of the outcome. All we can do is the best to our ability, and trust in the Lord's will to be fulfilled and the outcome, no matter what, will be the best for us, because that is all God wants for His children. So no matter how hard it is, the more you trust God, the more you grow in your faith in Him, the more you jump in and read His Word, the easier relying on Him and all things working out will come to you.

If you're wondering, or missed it in my bio, I passed my boards that day. Lost a bunch of calories walking a bunch of miles while in my anxious mess, but the stomach contents remained contained, and I will never forget the overwhelming joy I felt when I saw my name on KSBN's website, as officially, Rachael Ann Smith, RN for the first time. I cried, I cried a lot of tears, loudly, into a pillow because there may or may not have been neighbors downstairs. And then, I cried some more, meanwhile kicking myself for not only doubting myself, but for having doubt in God, in trusting that no matter what I had or had not accomplished that day, that it would all work out for His good, for His glory.

So let us not forget:
 

'You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.' 1 John 4:4 (NIV)

 

Greater - MercyMe <---listen here

I chose this song, simply because, He is greater. He is greater than you and I, only He is in control of the outcome when it comes to our lives. Don't let the small battles get you caught up, that is just Satan choking you out of doing the Lord's work. You don't bound over 4 hurdles at a time in the 110m hurdle race, no, just one by one. Take each battle, one by one, and you will see the outcome, no matter if it is what you predicted/wanted or not, will be the right one. He is greater than any battle we may face. Pray, try your hardest in all you do, and believe He has your best interest at heart at all times.

Forgiveness

There are some things none of us can completely control; one of them is protecting our hearts every single moment of every day. We can try with all our might, all day and all night, but we can't control the way other people make us feel.  

I attended a concert the other night (a wonderful concert might I add.) It featured I Am They, Hawk Nelson, and Tenth Avenue North. (All bands I would recommend Youtube-ing if you have a couple minutes, as they have some great songs.) As the concert was winding down, Tenth Avenue North was on the stage, and their lead singer, Mike (Mike Mike Mike), was speaking an intro to one of their songs, that happens to be one of my favorites of theirs, called 'Losing'. As I am listening to his words, and then the song lyrics, listening, really hearing them, I feel my emotions start rolling down my cheeks. And then later in the show, they sang their song titled 'By Your Side' which attained the same effect. Life hasn't been all cherry blossoms and sunshine this past year, but the heavy weight that sits on my shoulder, eating away at my mind every wake second of every day, well it lingered that night as well, it was constantly at the forefront of my mind. But, as I really heard the words, as I thought about all that I have been through, all that I put myself through in the last 12 months, I felt.

I felt sadness. I felt peace. I felt hope. I felt forgiveness.

I don't know what forgiveness means to you. I don't know what you have done to need forgiving, I don't know what other people have done to you that required forgiveness. I only know what I myself have done. And most likely, just like you I could write a list an encyclopedia long about what others have done to me that I have had to forgive. That list is much easier to write than the most likely equally lengthy list of those instances in which I was the one doing wrong by others.

No one lives life believing they are innocent at all times. But I do believe that most people, most of the time, are just doing the best they can. I believe that no one intends to hurt someone they love, but somehow they do. Maybe they hurt that person once unintentionally, maybe it happened again. Maybe 20 times. At some point, what may not have seemed intentional was now intentional, as it had become motivated. Motivated by whatever you were getting in return for continuing in said sin. Maybe you don't mean to hurt, maybe you don't want to hurt them at all, but you can't get past the sin you are caught up in, and the rewards being thrown at you by Satan as you continue to do what he wants you to, what he has convinced you that you want to do.

Whether that person I wronged has forgiven me or not, that is not important, not for my sake. What is important, is have I forgiven myself? I am so quick to point out every single moment that I am wronged by someone else, moments that I need apologies for, but yet turned a blind eye to the moments where I myself was the one in the wrong. And then, when the reality of the wrongness was thrown in my face, I became a mess. I couldn't bring myself to let forgiveness wash over me, because I couldn't forgive myself.


Back to the concert. God made it known to me, in that moment, that no matter what I had told myself, no matter what that person that I had wronged had told me, no matter how many times I had apologized to that person, He had forgiven me, and I had yet to forgive myself, to totally forgive. I will never forget, but that doesn't mean that I have to live day by day continuously beating myself down every time I got up out of bed. It was a vicious cycle, and the only reason my heart and mind even attained rest, was because I slept, and even then, only because I don't dream. For weeks I reminded myself of what I had done. Then at some point, it no longer mattered what I had done, but rather the hurt I had impeded on people that I loved. 

The burden never lightened, just when I thought it might, the seemingly impossible would happen: some bitterness would gather, making the burden I bore heavier. I increasingly felt the need for forgiveness, but that whole time I felt that I needed it from the person(s) I wronged. I felt I needed that person to confront me, to tell me I was forgiven.

I just knew that if those words were spoken to me, no matter the circumstances that came along with the forgiveness, everything would be better. I just knew my biggest problem in life at the moment would have suddenly been solved.

In church we speak a lot of how Christians are to forgive, as Christ does. It is spoke of as a moral obligation, like the only natural, reasonable, and "Christian" response to being hurt. So when I don't feel like forgiving, does that make me not a Christian, no. It definitely is not the Christian thing to do, to maintain the pent-up resent, when instead we need to dissolve the grudge(s) we have against each other. We, as Christians speak of forgiveness as something that happens and we move on. This doesn't necessarily mean to go on in life, having forgotten what others have done, but rather to chalk each moment of hurt up to life's lessons, as we show grace upon that person, forgive, and go on in life. We talk about forgiveness, like it is an event, just a moment in life, but it's just not. One thing that has helped me through the day today, is to say "I'm forgiving you," rather than, "I forgive you." Because forgiveness is something I have to give myself over and over again, and with repetition, I hope it will become a habit, and I hope it will get easier over time. Because being able to forgive myself habitually, will make forgiving others easier.

While I was standing there, indulging in the lyrics of the worship songs I had heard and sung numerous times, I felt. Like a raging river the tears and regret flowed, the grace and love I am not sure I deserve rushed over me, and at the same time I felt forgiveness come rushing in. It did not make what I had done okay, but it made me mollified.

I was able, in that moment, to forgive myself.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, but it also doesn't mean brutally battling myself over what I had done in the past. Not overlooking what you have done, but rather learning from your mistake is crucial, especially when it is yourself you need to forgive. 'Forgive and forget' is easier said than done, because not only is it impossible, but forgetting could potentially be dangerous for ourselves. Sometimes the most forgiving thing we can do, for ourselves and the person who has hurt us, is to say, 'thank you for what you have taught me about myself and about life. I'm moving on.' I don't think that true forgiveness happens without justice, honesty, boundaries, space, distance, and time also occurring. And while you ensure that all of these happen concurrently, also ensure that you don't make yourself feel guilty about it. It is not a rejection of the other person, but rather a thorough acceptance of yourself. 

True forgiveness takes place when we look honestly at the ways in which we have been hurt, hand our anger over to Jesus, and let it rest with Him.

If you take only one thing from this post, make it this:

Learn to forgive yourself; until you attain self forgiveness, you will never be able to fully forgive others, as Christ has called us to do.

Philippians 4:7  'The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.'

Ephesians 4:32  'Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.'

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North            Losing - Tenth Avenue North

It Is Well With My Soul - Audrey Assad