Sunrises and Sin

 

I sat out early one morning, breeze blowing through my hair. It was serene; completely and utterly peaceful. Had the porch light on, but beyond it's halo, was complete darkness. Anything could have been lurking in those shadows and I would have never known unless it stepped into the glow of the light.

Then, as the sun slowly rose, all the unseen was made visible. 

That is how we are when we meet people. When we let them in, we begin to expose those things hidden beyond the light. As Christians, we shouldn't be opposed to letting others in, sometimes exposing ourselves is all it would take to light a spark in their curiosity about Jesus and His works in your life. I will admit, it takes an awful long time for me to let another person know 'all about me.' If you have been (un)fortunate enough to qualify, then know, then, now, and forever, you mean the world to me.

 

When we ask God into our hearts He already knows. He can see into all the nooks, crannies, cobwebs, and closed boxes. Nothing is beyond what He knows. Nothing can be hidden. When we acknowledge our need for Him and ask Him in, we sign a consent letting Him know we know He sees it all, past, present, and future. And when we read the fine print, it says we will do all we can to serve Him, please Him, and live to better His kingdom.

So let us expose ourselves, to the saved and unsaved alike. Let us show them, that God's grace is limitless, His mercy unending. Let us show them that we are not better than them, we have just been washed clean by the blood of Christ. My blog title stems from that mindset, because I am just a sinner, saved by grace. Saved by the blood He shed for us upon that cross. Washed clean by His grace, so that we all may meet Him one day in heaven. Let us be transparent. It is okay not to be okay. It is okay to show them you have hurts and wounds, okay to show them your past. What better way to better expose the new you than to show them how far you have come with Jesus in your heart and life?

 

 

Thy Will ~ Hillary Scott

The Stand ~ Britt Nicole

Steady Me ~ Hollyn

Finish What He Started ~ MercyMe

He Knows ~ Jeremy Camp

Being Still

Exodus 14:14 (KJV) 'The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.'

Conflict is inevitable. When it comes, our inborn nature is to choose fight or flight. But as children of God, we are challenged to choose another alternative---stillness.

'What does being still have to do with conflict?' you ask. Well let me tell you how they are related in my mind and in my walk with Christ. Stillness has several implications, all of which are helpful.

Stillness is: a state of calm
The most common mistake people make when facing difficulty is to react impulsively and rashly. When you feel anger or panic washing over you like a tidal wave, run to God in prayer. Nothing brings calm like prayer, nor will anything restore your peace like the quietness of conversation with God.

Stillness is: a form of waiting
There is so much wisdom in waiting for some time to pass so you can gain a clearer and more objective perspective.

Google states that the definition of 'wait' is:
 (verb)

1.

stay where one is or delay action until a particular time or until something else happens

--or--

2.

used to indicate that one is eagerly impatient to do something or for something to happen

So be still, wait.

Stillness is: faith in the peace that is coming
Those who trust in the Lord find their security in what they believe rather than in what they see. Learn to trust the Lord's counsel and provision, even when it looks as if things may not pan out the way you prefer them to.

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When everything around you is in chaos, being still gives God a chance to do His best work.

___________________


When I think about where I struggle the most with waiting, sometimes I freak out. Sometimes, and always more beneficial each and every time I do, I pray. I do my best to completely give it over to God. Sometimes that means a simple prayer, and my full reliance on Him and His work in my life. Sometimes that means writing whatever is weighing me down and causing conflict, usually externally, and even sometimes the physical burning of the 'issue' that I wrote on paper, while giving it over to God. I am typically a girl-on-the-go. I like to go, go, go. Especially during the school year, my nights off are for siblings' sporting events, and family events. So that means, my nights off, aren't really nights off. But I like it! I like a packed calendar. But, being so busy, I forget to be still and listen and just be with God.

He has already proven that He can calm any storm, so whatever storm He is letting you be in right now, He is just showing you that you need Him, you need to depend on Him. He is saying, 'I am in control.' Psalms 107:28-29 (KJV) 'Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.'

I find it easiest to be still, when I am alone. Sometimes my 'still' time is at work, but that is quite frequently interrupted and seemingly less beneficial to me and my relationship with God. Find a quiet place, an empty room, maybe your backyard, or if you've seen War Room, and feel like you need something that separate and enclosed, your closet. Find a place where you don't have anything else to worry about. Where you can be you, and God can be God, and you can be one with each other, conversing and hanging out with Him. Being still and relaxing in the Lord gets easier each time I make time for it.

'The quieter you become, the more you can hear.' ~Ram Dass

 

Don't forget...

 Enjoy some of the not-so-random music videos I always post at the end of each blog! :)

 

Breathe ~ Jonny Diaz

Thy Will ~ Hillary Scott & the Scott Family

Yearn ~ Shane and Shane

 

Thanks for reading, and I pray something I wrote reaches someone who needs to hear it today. God bless y'all!

Steak for Breakfast

Me, a night shift nurse. There's good. There's bad. And yes, there's ugly. 

I started out my day yesterday waking up, showering, and running to the local grocery store for some salad for a dinner I had planned with one of my favorite families, their last night with their son before they send him off to college. The first thing I ate yesterday was steak. 

Momma probably would have been in awe if I woke up as a child or a teen and asked for steak for breakfast. That is a little abnormal. But the steak for breakfast yesterday? That was completely not off-the-wall at all for me. That is my new norm. No I don't eat steak for breakfast everyday, but the reason supper at 9pm was my 'breakfast' time is because working night shift has taken its hold on me, and rarely releases its grip. 

______________________

the Good: 

If you asked me a year and half ago if I enjoyed night shift, I would have said yes, absolutely, with no reserve. If you asked me yesterday, I would have said yes again. But the hesitation is becoming more evident, creeping up. My body and mind usually do okay sleeping in the day and staying awake all night. I am an energetic person. It is my norm. I love to laugh, and enjoy even more to make other people laugh, even if sometimes they are just laughing at my snaughling. 



Since being on night shift, I have had multiple of my elders and peers discouraging it,  pushing me to opt for a day shift position if I was given the choice. But back when I started on night shift, I was excited. Hey, differential, am I right? I enjoy the management-less building. I enjoy the drama-less co-workers I typically get to work with all night long. But. Over the past 12 months. My drive to be on night shift has certainly lessened. I still enjoy the differential, but it was never all about the money for me, and never will be. I still enjoy most of my co-workers, although sometimes some of my faves really let me down. But my heart doesn't seem to be in it anymore. 

the Bad:

I am emotionally exhausted. I go to work, do my best to please the patients while still maintaining the healthcare standards necessary and put in place to give them the best care to my ability and within my scope of practice, and get them healthy and home as soon as possible. But I go to work, and my patience is literally about as short as the fuse on a Bobcat (firecracker that is). It takes about 3 seconds of an unable-to-be-satisfied-patient's bad attitude to make me want to just go home immediately. Unfortunately in those moments, patients still need their nurses to get better and get home, so emergency emotional-breakdown-on-the-verge-Rachael moments, don't come with a quick solution at all hours of the night/morning. 

I used to go to work everyday, and think about how blessed I am that I am not the sick one in the bed. That I was privileged enough to be able to go to school, had worked hard enough to graduate, and now get to go to work every single day to help make people's lives better. Yes, even the 6 year old who I have to put an IV in, yes even that child, I get to do what I can to make that kid's life better. Here lately, I still find myself blessed that I am well, and able to care for those that aren't. But each shift feels more like a routine, like a cycle, like I am a hamster stuck in this wheel called life. The only relief from what has seemingly become an episode of my life stuck on constant repeat, is sleep. 

the Ugly:

I am mentally exhausted. I bring it home. I take it to my best friend's house. I take it to my Mom's. I have to hide it in church, where I should feel most free to be most transparent, I hide it best. I am tired at weird times all the time. It makes me moody sometimes. I am very impatient with people. I am easily annoyed with pointless (in my opinion) stories and wasted time. Sleeping all day, even on my nights off, because I have no motivation, I have few friends here, and we typically live on opposite schedules. I would not consider myself a clinically depressed person, I still find joy in simple things, and I can still sport a smile like a champ, but I guarantee I smile a significant amount less than a year ago. I notice it, I notice the increased negativity, and am unable to find the means to change it.  And I strongly believe working nights can assume part of that blame. As well as the devil himself.



I am spiritually exhausted. My faith in God has not faltered, not one bit. But, I don't strive to feed it. I don't just sit down and read my Bible anymore. I used to always make a point of it, even if it meant reading on my break at work, I would always find time to sit and at least read a chapter or two. It was important, very important to me. Seems I got comfortable where my relationship with Christ was, and I pushed it aside, I don't make it a priority anymore. I used to be able to attend Thursday night Bible study with the ladies as well as Wednesday morning coffee. But even those are few and far between anymore. But simply put, I don't spend as much time hanging out with God as I used to. And that is wearing on me. That is the ugliest part of me right now. 

______________________

If you're reading this. Maybe you are finding yourself in a similar struggle or slump. Welcome. You are so incredibly not alone. In fact, before reading this blog, before realizing there is someone else out there with some of the similar struggles, God was there. He is always there. I never forget that, not anymore. But sometimes I feel Him closer than other times. Not because He moves away from me, but because I find myself drifting away from Him. 



Instead of worrying about whether I am on day shift or night shift, pray for my walk with God. Instead of asking me why I am still single, pray for my Mr. Forever. Instead of wondering if I am getting more (enough) sleep, pray that I am getting more God-time, and in correlation acquiring more patience at work, at home, and just in my all-around life. Starting with my poor roommate that never gets to see me, but when she is unfortunate enough to have a run-in with me, it is usually not the most pleasant experience from her end I am sure. Sorry Becca. 

As I continue trying to find myself in this crazy world, I pray I continue my endeavor to find more and more of God. I pray that my family, co-workers, friends, and acquaintances will accept my sincere apology for my recent setbacks in my faith, attitude, and all-around peace.

Lastly, get yourself to church. Fellowship with my believing peers keeps me sane. Do yourself a favor, and get to church. It is free, family-friendly, and necessary. 

"For where 2 or 3 are gathered together in My name, there I am in the midst of them." 
-Matthew 18:20 KJV

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord." 
-Colossians 3:16 

Now, enjoy some of the not-so-random video links I post at the end of each blog. #sofittingrightnow

Stand ~ Britt Nicole 

Hurricane ~ Natalie Grant  

My Deliverer ~ Mandisa

Thank you for reading! May God bless you in every way today and throughout your life. 

Dear China, Thanks for Stealing my Pastor

'Stealing.' Maybe that was a bit harsh. But just let the record show that that is an honest reflection of my attitude when I first heard about their future endeavors to that far away place, initially of course.

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July 10th, 2016 was the last Sunday that our previous Senior pastor and his wife attended our church prior to leaving for China.

When this adventure was still in the works, when I was first made aware of it being quite a possibility, God willing, I had quite mixed feelings. Here is why.

1) I am selfish.

2) I was in awe.

3) Still in awe.

4) I was so incredibly excited for them and their future plans, this big, crazy, exciting step, that I couldn't even possibly think of anything more perfect for their next step in their lives together. (And obviously God agrees, as all has worked out so well thus far!) 

5) But still, I was selfish.


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Let's start at the beginning though, the first day I heard about 

this exciting new adventure in their life:

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March 13th, 2016
I remember that Sunday as if it were yesterday! Sunday school finished, and Marcia and Sarah were having a conversation about someone working for her in the nursery. I followed Sarah back there and told her after I ran the powerpoint for worship, I would be right down and replace her. She said something to the effect of, 'no, that's okay.' But of course I did it anyway! I love kids y'all, and would do it every single Sunday. 

As Pastor Steve began to close his sermon, I notice that Sarah gets real quiet, stands up close to the speaker to hear better, and then I overhear, "I am resigning as senior pastor...." I tell her, "Get out. Go out there." She is already in tears and I am about to be.  I couldn't make myself believe it to be true. My friend, wife, and their daughters were going to be moving at the end of the month. And now this news is thrown at me?? (see, selfish.) And by me, I mean, our church body, as a whole. No one was singled out. I am 99% sure I cried about it the very moment I learned about it. I was in the nursery, snuggling with some precious girls when what I thought to be a weird dream registered and started to return to reality. As that occurred, I just hugged those girls closer.

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I cried about it again when Pastor Steve spoke about it a couple Sundays before his last here as senior pastor. 
I teared up, every time someone at work or the grocery store asked me about it.
And again on July 10th, their last Sunday.
Ooops, yup. Yet again at their going away party. (Also July 10th).

Okay, you get it. I am an emotional wreck and a big cry baby.

I didn't cry because they were going to China. I didn't even cry because they were leaving. 
I cried because they wouldn't be here anymore. (There is a difference, I promise, but again, selfish reasons.) I cried thinking of the empty spot in the sanctuary, wondering who God would send our way. Knowing that no matter who was sent our way, that was who was supposed to be here, but still knowing they had some big shoes to fill. (No offense Pastor Steve.) Let's just say, the bar of expectation has been set pretttttty high.

But, on the reals. I am so excited for them. I know God has had His hand in all of the events leading up to this decision, and will continue to guide them on this exciting new adventure halfway across the world! I wrote a letter, to both of them (and then a short one to their whole family), things that I wanted to, and need to say to you, but you're gone now. So you get to be victims of one of my open letters, sorry not sorry.

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First, a message to Pastor Steve: 

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Pastor Steve,

You have been nothing but light in my life here in Ulysses. From the times I came to church with Susanna and Jonathan before I actually moved down here, until you left; you never made me feel anything less than welcome. You know how to make a person smile. I rarely saw you without one, and that alone helps raise spirits and form smiles in others around you, but on top of that you are a genuinely kind and God-serving man.

On numerous occasions you complimented me. About anything, my singing, my smile, my attitude, whatever it was that day, you found something. And, like you, I always sort of brushed it off. I am definitely never going to win an award for 'greatest at accepting compliments.' On your last Sunday, as I was hugging you for the 30th time at your going away party, you again told me in my ear, 'You are so awesome.' You know some of (what I consider to be) my darkest 'secrets.' Being a pastor kind of opens a door to a lot of people's darkest times in their lives. And you knew mine, at least the gist of it/them. And yet, you never once seemed to be 'judgy', or disproving. You always, always, always greeted me with open arms and a smile. And simply loved. You always show love wherever you go.



I also genuinely appreciate the many Sunday mornings when I would come early for prayer with you and our equally dedicated Pastor Bob. Every single Sunday you prayed for marriages, for keeping the marriage bed holy, etc. And almost every single Sunday, you also prayed for the singles in our church. (Me!) You prayed that God would bring a partner alongside, or if we were 'called to be single' that we would live for Him either way. You don't know this, but every single time you prayed for us 'singles' I wept. Every time. I struggle so much with trying to let go of past mistakes and lingering regrets, as well as find a happy medium between where and when to put myself out there and when to hold back a little, like maybe if I put a little more effort into it, I can rush God's revealing of the spouse He has planned for me. I struggle daily, with the fact that here I am still single and 25. I tell everyone I am old, because some days it feels that way. I sometimes get stuck in the lull that consists of sleeping, working, eating, and repeat. 

Sundays, especially with you, your wife, and daughter, always made for a great break from the 'lull.' And though they now will not consist of seeing you all every Sunday, and even though I work at least half of the Sundays each month, I still see it as a day of refuge, recharging, regenerating joy, and a day to be reminded of all that Christ did for me. 

Everything about you, even the Moses hair (LOL!) has been a great example of Jesus' love to me, this church, and our community. I say yes, even the 'Moses hair' because even with that, you have shown us that sometimes we do the things we do because of the love we have for those that love us. And if you can glorify God, by loving your wife and the fact that she loves your beard, then so be it, that is just perfect. Having attended the 'send-off' party for y'all, seeing how many other churches' pastors attended, and other people in the community, really opened my eyes even more to the oneness that you have liked about this community and it's churches.



Initially, when I heard y'all were leaving...it was seriously like, uh, the end of the world. At least my Ulysses world, as I knew it. I will miss your great attitude, and your incredibly vast knowledge of God's Word. I am beyond excited though, for your travels and experiences to and in China. As the days are crossed off the calendar, I can imagine you are more and more excited! You are awesome!

Praying for you always.

You are deeply missed already,
Rachael Ann

P.S. I apologize for calling it a 'man bun.'


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Now, for a message to his better half and perfect compliment:

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Dear sweet sweet Marcia,

In my mind, always the pastor's wife. But also, always the sister with whom I enjoyed several morning prayer coffees with. The sister who was not afraid to pipe up in Sunday school, about whatever topic we were addressing and learning about at the time. The sister who was always smiling. You are never afraid to be honest though. Sometimes while hugging you, I would ask how you were doing. Sometimes I got, 'great!' 'good!' etc. Sometimes you replied with, 'okay.' And that, though saddened my heart for you in that moment, gave me hope always. You are such a happy woman, with a joyous spirit, but even the happiest of people have 'okay' days too.

You have brought me so much joy, on numerous occasions. Your quirky sense of humor, brings nothing but smiles to anyone around experiencing it first hand. It is a perfect mix with the more serious, though less seen side of Marcia. But I love both sides. So keep em both around for sure. Your joy and loving manner are my favorite of all of your amazing qualities.

I did not get to spend as much time outside of Sunday mornings with you and your family as I would have liked to (thanks adulthood), but the times I did were always such a blessing. The numerous trips to Downtown, (which is closed now, super sad.) the times you guys would have us over for lunch, or cards, or whatever. Sunday night Bible studies, and the time I stopped by AWANA. But my most favorite memories, are from morning prayer coffee with you gals. And I am so sad that I was unable to attend the last several before y'all left. I loved hearing about how Steve did the laundry, or dishes, or made you breakfast, or coffee, and on the cold mornings, started your car for you. I loved hearing you talk about your spouse, and see your love for him shine in your eyes. 

I also remember before I really got to know you, camping at Meade Lake with you, Sarah, and Steve ( or as you sometimes refer to him as: Swannie). That was the first non-church event that I had ever attended with y'all. I remember walking over to the restrooms with these near strangers, and feeling just as welcome as if we were truly sisters. Thank you for that. That is one of the first, and one of my favorite memories with you! 

I have heard that being a Pastor's wife has it's challenges. No one can deny that. You maintain the part well. You are an amazing wife to Pastor Steve. You both compliment each other so insanely well. I could not imagine a better-matched couple. God knew what He was doing when He brought your two lives into intersection. It will be hard to picture life here at FBC without you. You have a way of bringing a smile to literally every face in the building. Life will be a little weirder without you than with you. But for as well as you played the part of 'pastor's wife', I am excited for you to delve into being God's daughter, Steve's wife, Caleb and Sarah's mom, and all your other titles, with some needed relief from your role as 'Pastor's Wife.' Though you never complained, and showed no sign of the burden, I know it was there. You are a smart woman, and being a student will continue to look just as good on you now as it did when you were 'the pastor's wife.'

If I can ever get a Tuesday night off, and am able to return to Wednesday morning prayer coffee with our sisters in Christ, I know it will be a different experience without you. Not better, not worse, just different. Your uplifting spirit will be missed! I have seen your contagious joy affect many people around me, always positively. I am excited for you to be able to share it with many others as you travel to China, and especially after you arrive. Can't wait to hear the stories of new friends, crazy adventures, and touched hearts. 

Praying for you always.

Love you so, and miss you already,
Rachael Ann

P.S. You are a rockstar Marcia!

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Like I said, I am selfish. Sometimes when hugging and visiting with Pastor Steve and Marcia each Sunday, I had to force some excitement for their plans out. Not always was it genuine. My second favorite family in Ulysses was going to pack up their life and move elsewhere. I have survived. It has only been a couple weeks. I have only been in church one Sunday since they started their adventure around the US to see family and friends before going to China. (I have only been once because I was on vacay in Michigan, [which I will blog about soon!] not because of a ripple effect of their leaving, causing me also to leave.) That one Sunday was just two days ago in fact, and it went well. We were also missing our worship leader, so as one could imagine, getting sound figured out (when the 2 people that ran it in the past were missing) was an adventure. One that we conquered like champs, might I add!

Anyway. Though life without Steve and Marcia is going to be different, and sometimes we get stuck in a comfortable rut and never want change, I am equally excited for what this change will bring the church, and what this change in their lives will bring for them. Ruts ain't good for anybody.

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So to Pastor Steve and his delightful and loving family,

I miss you. I don't hate China. I am so glad Gad has worked out everything thus far with your pre-adventuring. I love you all so much. Thank you for your impact while you were here, and for the impact you will continue to make, even though we will be continents and states apart. 

Could not thank you all enough for your impact in my life with 100 blog posts, but thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Praying for you always!

Forever missing the Spam Fam, and the Spam Fam van as well,
Rachael Ann

P.S. Where does that van reside now anyway?

   

'Tell me, what is it you plan to do with 

your one wild and precious life?' 

-poet Mary Oliver 


Don't forget to check out these not-so-random music video links I include with each blog post! 

I Will Follow ~ Chris Tomlin             10,000 Reasons ~ Matt Redman

Overwhelmed ~ Big Daddy Weave 

Anniversaries, and my Best Sister-Frand

If we were in a room full of people, and I asked if there was a date this year that meant anything to you, everyone would raise their hands. 

Your birthday probably means a little something, even if it is just a despised day because it means another year has gone by. Or maybe a wedding anniversary, in which case racking up the years tends to bring more joy than resentment. (Not that I know from personal experience, but hey, I know a LOT of married people, and they all get all excited for another year of their wedded-ness.) Maybe the day you asked Jesus to come into your heart and life. Maybe the date is the birthday of a family member, a loved one, your child. Maybe it is the day that a loved one died. Or is it the day you were diagnosed with cancer, or even better the day you were told you were in remission? The day you wrecked your car, the day your best friend died, the day you purchased your first home. 

There are a jillion things that could have dates that hold some measure of significance to you. Some you want to remember, and some you wish you could forget. Some you relive every night in your nightmares, and some you wish you could remember even the smallest of details of. 

Two (well, three) of my 'significant' dates' anniversaries will occur in these next 2 days. 
________________

July 1st, 2008
My boss told me before leaving work last night, to not come in first thing, that they would call me when they needed me. So this morning, I stayed home, and hung out with the siblings. Right around lunch time is when they decide they need me up at the elevator. Just after hanging up with him, I was standing in the kitchen giving my youngest brother flack, saying I was going to wear the hat he had on his head to work today, as it was the elevator's logo on the hat, but he doesn't relent. He throws his palm to the top of his head and holds down with all his might as I tried to wrestle it off his head. So I give up, tell him goodbye, and walk over to work. 

 (Simon and one of his beloved kittens in June 2008)

Little did I know what was going to transpire over the span of the next 18(ish) hours. Of course hindsight is 20/20, but I would literally give a limb, or 4, to go back and hang out with him the rest of the day, an hour longer, a couple more minutes, anything. 

 (Simon and I in June, 2008)

We are having quite a busy afternoon, with trucks dumping over at the Garvey elevator and at the main elevators. Suppertime comes and goes, and as the sun is dancing with the horizon, my boss comes into the main office from over by the Garvey elevator and tells me there is an ambulance across the street from my house. He says it looks like my youngest brother wrecked his bike, might have broken his leg. My jaw slowly drops for a second, then clenches back shut tight with concern. I peek out there, see the ambulance, come back inside, and debate internally with leaving or staying to earn a couple bucks. 

The money wins this time, never again though, never again.

Turns out he had been ran over by a semi and trailer, and they end up flying Simon to Wichita, where he later dies, (July 2nd, 2008) on an operating room table prior to surgery, having too much internal bleeding, his poor body had compensated as long as it possibly could, but by the time they were in the operating room, it was already too late. (You can read more about that night/morning in my blog An Open Letter to my 17-year-old Self.)


July 2nd, 1995 
The date that one of my bestest friends escaped her mother's womb into this crazy world. Do I myself remember this date per se? Nope. I didn't meet her until several years later, and I couldn't even tell you the date that I met this little bombshell, but I can tell you I didn't forget it intentionally! This girl has been there for me through it all. Her house was where I went that day in 2008. It was her birthday, and such a horrible day for me, but I welcomed the distraction. I welcomed finding anything and everything I possibly could to occupy my mind and keep the emotions from rumbling in my lungs and rolling down my cheeks. I don't remember much from that day, but I remember walking through the door and being hugged by her mother, for what seemed like just the right amount of time. 

 (Tier and I at the Logan Co fair 2012)

I can't say we always got along, everyone fights sometimes, but I honestly cannot remember what a single fight was about. So we loved enough to get over those at least. 

She was also where I turned to occupy myself after I wrecked my car the following January. I stayed over at her house many a night. It became such a habit, that I didn't even really have to ask anymore. I would still have to call home to Mom and ask permission from her, but I was pretty much invited over there whenever I wanted to be. 
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So, that anniversary is always one mixed with sorrow and joy. I will always be sad. I will always miss Simon, sometimes just speaking his name wells up some big ole tears. There are memories, and a lot of them, but not enough, I will always wish for more. But, joy, because he is in heaven. He is dancing with Jesus everyday. And even more joy, because though something awful happened on this date 8 years ago, it is still my best friend's birthday! And she deserves a celebration for sure!

 (Tier and I hanging out on Andrew's day of birth!)

So, to my dearest best friend, I wrote you a letter. It is short, and mostly sweet (kidding, all sweet!) But mostly, I just want to tell you that I love you bff!
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Tierney Kaylene, 

You mean the world to me. You have seen me at my worst, and what some would call my best. You rode with me many mornings to school, and sometimes you even got to drive. Sometimes when you drove exciting things happened. Good times, good times. Many hours spent walking around our little town. Four-wheeler escapades. Feeding livestock at the corrals. Making s'mores in the microwave. Sleeping in the living room(s), both upper and lower. Celebrating Thanksgiving down at the motel in Russell Springs. Many times hanging out at Grandma Debbie's house. Riding rides together at the Logan Co fair. You coming to church with me. My parent's 25th anniversary party. Listening to Johnny and June by Heidi Newfield ...over, and over and over and over again with your Momma. Your graduation party. So many good times, too many to list them all, but I got off to a good start there!

You are going to be an amazing nurse, because you are smart as a whip, and you have a kind heart that cares for others, especially in their weakest and lowest times.You will be a wonderful asset to the healthcare system wherever you decide to settle down at. 

You are, and will forever be, my best friend and sister. Life ain't always beautiful, but mine is when you're around. Thank you for being a shoulder to cry on, a lent hand, a contagious smile, and joyful laugh. You make my world a better place. You have grown up soooo much since we first met, and I have enjoyed it all. We don't see each other near often enough, but when we do finally get together, we catch up in mere minutes, and then it is like we were never apart.

Thank you for being beautiful.
Thank you for being you.
Thank you for accepting me with all my baggage.
Thank you for helping me carry my baggage.
Thank you for loving me.

I love you so much dear friend and cannot wait to see what this next year, and the rest of our future brings. (I think I can hear wedding bells and babies crying...)

Happy 21st birthday(tomorrow), sweet friend.

So much love, 
RachyAnn

P.S. You're stuck with me for the rest of time. Sorry, not sorry.
P.P.S. We need an updated pic together.
          That is all. Love you!!!

The Gift of a Friend ~ Demi Lovato

God Gave Me You ~ Blake Shelton

Friends are Friends Forever ~ Michael W Smith

Forgiveness Day 2016

 

Yup, apparently this day exists as a national day. Forgiveness. It's not a touchy subject per se, but sometimes a very challenging one. 

I have blogged about forgiveness a couple times before. It is something I am passionate about dishing out, because far too many times I have been the one seeking it, needing it. 

Everyone on the earth sins. Point blank, we are all sinners. Everyone wrongs someone every now and again. Sometimes intentionally, with complete congnizance of doing so, sometimes completely unintentionally, and quite often somewhere between the 2 extremes.

I can only imagine how much God's heart hurts when His own children are the ones hurting others. 

The greatest example of forgiveness comes to us in John 19. With Jesus willingly giving His life on the cross for wretched people such as myself. So undeserving. Nothing shouts pure and honest forgiveness like letting someone nail your hands to a cross after lugging your own death tree up a hill, letting them smash a crown of thorns onto your head, and letting them whip you until blood is drawn and dripping from all over your torso, arms, and legs.

All the while, knowing You and Your Father above have every right and possess the omnipotence to get Yourself off that cross, to stop it all before it even began. Jesus cried, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" Matthew 27:46b

God the Father, the Son, and the Holy spirit. The Trinity. Three-in-one. But for a moment, God had to turn His face. Imagine the torment it caused Him to see His only Son suffering such pain, and for such undeserving people.

He didn't die on that cross just for me, but He did die on that cross FOR me. He endured unthinkable, unimaginable, excrutuating pain, for me? For this undeserving and disobedient sinner? But, why? 

Some things in life make total and completely clear sense. Attending school, graduating and attending college. Moving out of our parent's homes to blossom on our own. Finding, courting, and marrying your true love. Birthing beautiful children and raising them to love and worship our Lord. But then there are hiccups, if you will, in the road of our life, such as burying a child, losing a parent at a young age, and I liken the confusion of those kinds of events in life to trying to understand God's willingness to offer forgiveness to the likes of us.

It comes as hard to believe, especially for the 'unbeliever,' that a man can die and rise again. Even having been a believer for most of my life, sometimes it still blows my mind. And maybe it isn't event the fact that He died and rose again, on His own will and power, though being a nurse I know that only God could have made that possible. But maybe, it is the fact of His death; the suffering and agony that He endured, all for us. For us, such filthy, sinful, and undeserving creatures that we have become since Eve ate of the forbidden fruit in the garden. Maybe that is what is most awe inspiring to me.

That love. That forgiveness.

'For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.' John 3:16  A widely known and quite possibly one of the most popular verses in the Bible. He SO loved the world that He created, though it had turned into such an evil place full of sinners like me, He loved the lowest of us, SO much, that He sent His Son to suffer and die on a cross, to forgive us of our sins. Sent His Beloved, to pay for sins that we committed. Not Jesus paying for His own sins, for He was perfect, spotless, sinless. Yet He suffered a torturous death, FOR US.

'For by grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.' Ephesians 2:8-9 No matter what you have done, or not done (sins), in this life, no matter how much money you give to your church, no matter how many children you adopt, how many highways you clean up, how many lives you have impacted for Christ, no. No matter what, you don't deserve the forgiveness God offers, but that is what makes it so overwhelmingly awesome, and thus should make us all the more thankful for receiving it without even having to earn it. So dish it out, even when it seems the offender doesn't 'deserve' it, because neither do we. God commands us to forgive in Matthew 18:21-22, where Peter is asking how many times he should forgive his brother for sinning against him, and Jesus replies, not just 7 times, but 7x70 times. Over and over again we should be forgiving those that sin against us.

 

So take what you have done into consideration in your daily life. If you were to add up all your sins, does the cluster even compare to the wrong that has been done unto you? If Jesus was willing to love you enough to die on a cross for your cluster of sins, does forgiving the wrongdoer seem so hard now? Forgiving is loving. Show Christ's love in every way possible everyday. We are not here to hold grudges, but to love and show Christ to those that don't believe. So forgive others, believers and unbelievers alike, we all need to see and feel Christ's love through the actions and words of Christians around us.

'Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, even as God also in Christ forgave you.' Ephesians 4:32

7x70 Times ~ Chris August                       Waterfall ~ Chris Tomlin

Mended ~ Matthew West