Prayer

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart. 
—Max Lucado

I was sitting in bed the other afternoon, tossing and turning, still had a couple hours before needing to go to work. And all I could think about was this tugging in my mind and heart that I had been ignoring for a couple days (let's be honest, it's been a couple months). I just didn't know how to approach or resolve this issue that I was becoming aware of, so I kept pushing it off. I had a longing, a need deep within that wasn't being met. And I realized, all this time, that I was seeking to fill that void in places and people that couldn't fill it. I have been expecting so much from myself, my life, and the people around me, that when my expectations weren't met, I let disappointment stir up aggravation and despair in my life.

I'd realized the last time I had read my Bible was on Easter Sunday. 20 days. 20 days I went without even opening my Bible. Over the last couple months, I have become more aware of the distance I have allowed to come between myself and God. You have probably heard the saying, 'if you feel far away from God, guess who moved?' Well, guess what, it was me. It is always me, not Him.

I got up out of bed, went and grabbed my Bible, then kneeled down beside my bed. I was reevaluating how I pray to God, and what prayer means to me. I had some hesitation, because I knew my heart wasn't right with God at this point. I had to get some things off of my chest, and I needed some help. He was the only One with enough power to help me through it. I didn't know where to begin. How do I fix this relationship. Do I pray, do I read His Word, do I worship, what is best? The answer I was given, was pray. So that is what I did. I had such an informal conversation with God, tears were shed, emotions leaking out of me like a sopping wet towel being wrung. I poured out my desires, my needs, my sorrows, my sins, the burdens that I had on my heart for myself, for others.

I was raised in a Christian home. We didn't read the Bible a lot as a family, but we attended church every Sunday and Wednesday. We didn't routinely pray before meals, we did on holidays or at special events, or if everyone happened to be together, we would. But praying before meals wasn't a norm. We would recite Bible verses as young children, sing songs, and sometimes pray before bedtime. It wasn't that prayer wasn't important, it just wasn't a main focus that I remember being emphasized in my younger years. It wasn't like I was never taught how to pray, or that we never did it, just not all the time, it wasn't a constant, nor did I feel like it was missing when we didn't do it. But now, I have this hunger, this longing for prayer, this need to talk to God, and it has been persistent, a constant feeling of incompleteness. 

I throw out a 'thank you Jesus!' here and there when something I have been hoping for works out, and definitely turn to Him when I am having a rough day, week, month, year, etc. But I definitely do not pray as often as I could. And in not spending that time with God, and humbling myself before Him, acknowledging the transparency that already exists (He sees and knows all things, whether I tell Him about them or not), has caused me to step farther and farther away from God's side.

I don't have a lot of friends, and certainly not a lot of friends that I trust well enough to delve into my insecurities and insufficiencies in life with. But I would say I 'know' a lot of people, and most of these people believe me to be a kind, nice, Christian girl. But boy do I sure catch myself falling short of that oh so often. I catch myself judging others. I catch myself holding grudges. I catch myself being hostile. I catch myself withholding kindness and good deeds, not going the extra mile for others like I used to, simply because I give and do and give and do things for others, and quite often get nothing in return. And I never even used to care. I never expected anything back, not even a thank you, often I did things in secret, simply to avoid receiving any undue praise (because to God be the glory, not I). I did and did and did and went on with life. I was servant, and I loved my ability to be that.

Then slowly, I wandered away from that. My heart was hardened towards people, my eyes closed to their needs. Things would happen that I should feel some emotion about, whether sorrow or joy or whatever, and I would remain emotionless. I would note that I was not responding appropriately, and would wonder for a second, what was wrong with me, and then move on.

I am craving deep meaningful relationships. I'm lacking in meeting my emotional needs amongst my peers because of my choice of relationships I've been making priority in my life. And in doing so, my heart and mind have been hardened to the burdens and issues in others' lives. This change has become more and more evident in my life, and God has made it clear that I need to do something about it.

So prayer. That is where I am beginning. My relationship with God. That is where I am beginning. To better myself, so I can better serve God and others.


'You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in a bottle. You have recorded each one in a book.' Psalm 56:8 (NLT)
'For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.' Proverbs 24:16 (NIV)
'Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.' 1 Thes 5:16-18 (NIV)


It doesn't matter what your background was. It doesn't matter what you were or weren't taught. What matters is what you do with what you know and who you are today. Take time to try and be a better person, learn new things. You don't have to take huge steps, because the longer the stride the more likely you are to fall. Take it one little step at a time, and soon enough they will add up to you having moved so much farther than you ever thought possible.

Pray fervently. Live passionately. Love everybody.

It's Just a Season

This too shall pass. This is only a season. Nothing about your life now is how it is going to be forever. Though my circumstances may not change right now, tomorrow, or maybe not even next year, my outlook can. It can change right now. No matter the rut you feel you are stuck in, your heavenly Father is always there to pull you out. No matter what got you here, He will never leave or forsake you. 

Here is a picture of my earthly father assisting me down our rarely moist road to the river bottom where we had cows calving that needed checked. He has been an example of what a good father is quite often in my life, but I thought he was a prime example of our Daddy up in heaven right here. He wasn't pulling me through this mud because I had a plan or mission in mind, no. Here he was pulling me through the mud that I could not have made it through on my own that day because he had a mission for himself and for me. He had a plan, and he wanted me there to help his plan unfold. It's the same way with God. He doesn't need us but rather he wants us. He wants us there to help His plans unfold. He wants us to better His kingdom in ways He makes possible for us in our earthly bodies. But He doesn't want us to feel neglected or unwanted either. He wants us to feel needed and appreciated. But He also wants to be enough for you. He wants to know that you don't need anyone else, but that you want them. You want them in your lives to help fulfill His purpose in your time here on earth.

Sometimes we get impatient while waiting on God for His perfect timing. But sometimes God is actually the one waiting on us. Waiting on us to believe, to have faith. Waiting on us to stop being lazy about our quiet time with Him. Waiting for us to get our butts out of bed an hour before work to pray and dive into His Word.

Relax. God has the one for you. At some point in your life, someone will love you more than the expectations you have grown in the waiting. Be patient and learn to wait, because sometimes a patient person receives the best love story. Who better to receive the best love story than you?

 

Lord, help us believe. Help us be consistent in doing so. Help us consistently be in Your Word and in conversation with You, so that we may be ready when the enemy attacks us. Help us remember that when we believe, everything else will fall together. Help us remember that when we have faith, You will take care of the rest.

We need to change our outlook. We need to remember that He can move mountains on our behalf. He will bless us with the desires of our heart, according to His will, not our own. All we need to do is show Him how faithful we can be, even in the 'little' areas in our lives. He is waiting for you. God is waiting for us.

As in many events in my life, I turned to the scriptures (God's Word) to help me understand, to comprehend, and to help motivate me to keep living a life God wants for me. In this time, I look to Job. Why Job, you ask? Well, poor poor Job. God allowed Satan to directly attack Job. Job is a prime example of faithfulness as he loses all that matters to him, all that is important in his life, yet chooses to remain faithful to God. (Job 1:12) He loses his health, his wife tells him to curse God and commit suicide! But still Job remains faithful and strong. (Job 1:22). Later on his friends give him lots of bad advice. They blame his sufferings on his sins rather than God testing and growing Job. One of them was half right, saying that God wanted to humble him, but this was only a part of God's test.  Then on to the last chapters in Job. God speaks to Job. He restores him. He knows that Job received inaccurate counsel from his friends, 'Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?' (Job 38:2) God fittingly declares that humans do not know everything. Then He humbles Job by asking a series of questions that could never be answered by anyone other than the Almighty God Himself; 'Have you understood the expanse of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this.' (Job 38:18) God then brings him to an understanding that believers don't always know what God is doing in their lives. In the end, Job answers God by saying, “I have declared that which I did not understand.” (Job 42:3) God then blessed Job with twice as much as he had before his trials began.

Do I feel like I am being attacked in any way comparable to that which Job was attacked? No. But I do know that I find myself impatient with life. Knowing where I thought I would have been by the time I was 25, and knowing where I find myself now, just 12 days prior to that day, well I find myself dwelling on all the things that should have been, the things that could have been, and questioning the things that would have been... I see the devil try to slip his hand into the play book and send me doubting the One who gave me breath.

Sometimes I look at my past and wonder if I am single because of the steps I chose to get to where I am today. Sometimes I wonder if I had prayed harder and listened to God more, read His Word more, listened to my mentors more, if life would have led me a little differently. If I would be somewhere else, and by this time with someone else. If my roommate would be a husband to dote on instead of my sister. If my king-sized bed would be shared every night (ha! I work night shift, dream on self) with the love of my life, rather than the occasional niece, nephew, sister, sister in law, friend. If my shower would be cluttered with men's soap, my sink sprinkled with his facial hair, my bathroom door draped with 2 bath towels instead of 1, my closet shared with men's clothing. I wonder if maybe God just needs a break from me, maybe I have been asking too much, maybe I am too needy. Maybe if I stop praying for such things, God will just let him fall into my lap, figuratively.
 

 I think a lot of things, and then I remember my Pastor praying early one Sunday morning, that the single people in our church/community, that they too would be blessed. Lord I know that I am blessed, but I pray You would help me feel it. Help me know what You want of me while I wait for Mr. Forever. Help me know what You want me to do for You in the meantime. Help me continue to pray, with an open (though longing) heart, as I wait to be joined with the one You have in my future. Lord, with all my heart I believe You have not called me to be single forever. With all my heart, my absolute love for children, my longing for a man in my life, I know that you would not have these traits be a part of me, except to prepare me for being a wife and mother. Lord, with all my heart, I pray You would wrap your arms around me and complete me while I continue to try and find my Mr. Forever to compliment me.

Just like Job, on the other side of your big mess, there is a huge blessing. Whether your big mess is something you're waiting for, something you are stuck in the midst of, or even something you have done. Instead of doubting if God still cares about us and our desires, maybe we need to question if we still care about God. We must remember this is just a season, and this too shall pass.

O Lord ~ NF                                 Though You Slay Me ~ Shane & Shane

 

 

"We are not put on earth merely to satisfy our desires, to pursue life, liberty, and happiness.

 

We are here to be changed, to be made more like God, in order to prepare us for a lifetime with him."

~ Philip Yancey

 

Patience not your best virtue? Check out this blog here, on waiting on God and His always perfect timing ---> 'Mom, I'm Hungry!'

Questions I Have

 

'He will send you a soul mate you won't have to chase after.' -Adam Cappa

So, where do I draw the line, and how fine should it be? Where am I pushing too much or expecting too much (from Him and/or the potential Mr. Forever)? Can I fall in love with someone who is not a Christian? Can I control who I fall in love with? If I fall in love with someone who does not love my God as I do, is that a sin? Is my desire to share my faith with him, in hopes of planting a seed for the Spirit to tend to and hopefully bloom in his heart, so that we can live happily ever after such a bad thing? How will I know?

What if God has shown me the 'one' He has for me at this point in my life and I didn't give that person the time of day? What now? Is there another? Am I to believe there is just one 'soul mate' for everyone? 7.3 billion people on Earth and God has set only one aside for me? 159 million men in America, and I am to believe God has set aside just one for me? I only need one, but who's to say that only one exists? Only one person on earth is meant to catch my eye, steal my heart, and worship my God with me?

Is there something wrong with me? Is there a reason Mr. Forever may not be in my life yet? Is there a reason my ring finger and the other side of the bed are still vacant? What is God's plan with me? Am I where I am supposed to be? If God is all I need, then why do I yearn for a man in my life? Does that mean I am making God smaller, less important? How much work should I be putting into this search for my Mr. Forever? God calls some people to be single, is that my calling? If yes, then why does not a day go by that I don't wish Mr. Forever was here?

How content am I supposed to be, where is the line? Am I where I am today because of past mistakes? Did I mess up something that was meant to blossom into something beautiful years ago? What do I do with these unexpected single years? Why has life not panned out like I mapped out in my mind in 7th grade?

God has given me these single years for a reason, there is a purpose, but how will I know that this purpose has been fulfilled? How do I keep myself from squandering them away while I wait for Mr. Forever?

 I wish God would text me a picture, and be like,

'Rach, this guy right here. His heart is solid, his intentions well, and he is the man I intend for you to spend the rest of your life on earth with. {Insert time and date of first interaction with said man}  #worshippartner #areyouready #youarewelcome #lookathim #ainthenice  #prayerpartner #keepmefirst #praytogethersticktogether #marriagevowsareforevervows'

***Because of course, if God texted He would totally hashtag! #likeaboss #TheBoss

Needless to say, this girl needs some soul-feeding time with her King while she waits for her prince. He is the only one with the ability to answer my questions.

Mmm. Jamie Grace nails it on the head in her song 'The Waiting' check it out here!