Have you ever done something so bad, so wrong, that you wondered and certainly doubted that God could ever have possibly loved you through it, and especially doubted the existence of His love for you afterward?
If you said yes, well I feel you. Me too.
Thankfully we serve an amazing God who is able to love us through it all.
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When I moved to Ulysses America back in 2014, I just knew God had great plans for me.
Before moving down here, I established a wonderful friendship. A friendship that almost had endless possibilities. A friendship I knew was appointed from God Himself. This encouraged me even more that this was going to be a great adventure to unfold down here in Southwest Kansas.
I tended to that friendship tediously. It bloomed and blossomed, and flourished with such liveliness I couldn't even believe it myself.
Meanwhile, my other friends, and family even, fell to the back burner.
Church was a huge priority, and I made sure it stayed that way. God always being my focus.
Until He wasn't anymore.
Until there were more important things than church, more important things than family sometimes.
Sleep. Hanging out. Walking the streets of our city. Etc.
I was happy, oh trust me, I thought I was happy. I truly was. Very very happy. Our pastor spoke this morning in church, about how happiness is based on happenings. Everything that was happening with me, to me, and around me? They all were quite perfect and right, I thought at the time. I was happy, very happy.
Until I wasn't.
No one was to blame for my loss of that happiness more than myself.
In fact, some people tried to influence the regress of smiles. But their efforts were without yield. I was in a slump. I had lost what I thought was one of the most important people in the world at the time.
Suddenly I was walking a LOT more. I mean, 10-15 miles a night, every single night I was off.
Suddenly, I found myself wondering what this God that I thought I loved and served so well could possibly want with me still. How He could keep this frail and unstable wanderer under His wing and close eye. How He could possibly still care for a stray like me. How He could possibly still have a home built just for me in Heaven.
Let me tell you these thoughts, and my current situations, cascaded into a whole whirlwind of mood swings, total confusion, bad eating habits, an awful lot of wear and tear on what used to be some pretty good sneakers.
Throughout it all, I certainly doubted God. I doubted that He could still love me. But looking back now, He showed me, proved to me, sometimes more than once in a given day, that He still cared for me, that He still wanted me, that I still mattered to Him.
So when you feel like you might have done something so incredibly awful and wrong and sinful, something you just know had to had driven God away from you, turned His face from you and your life, your heart. Just remember this.
That is the devil talking.
Satan wants nothing more than for you to doubt our great God and His love for you. He wants nothing more than you to get distracted, to look away, to turn from God, because He would not turn from you, the devil knows that. But if the devil can get you to look away for just a second, then he believes he has won a mini battle, and maybe he did, maybe you let him, maybe you stopped fighting, stopped believing in the purpose for why you were created.
He won with me. I sunk deeper and deeper into sin, until it seemed okay. It seemed fine enough. It didn't bother me as much anymore, I didn't hear the voices as often in my head, the ones that discouraged my interaction with this sin. They faded. I let the devil win that battle.
But my God has already won the war.
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No matter what I have done, He is here with me. He wants me. He wants YOU. He wants you to know that. He is fighting your battles for you, battles you don't even know are happening. He is fighting for you. Because He loves you.
He is with us all along, He never leaves us.
:)
Music is an amazing tool God has created for us, to bring glory to Him, to worship Him. In church, in the car, at home. These are some songs that came to mind while writing this blog. God brings music to me, in just the right time, with just the right words, to reel in my mind, to return my focus to Him, to praise Him for everything in my life. To bring Him the glory. To thank Him for the struggle and the failures, as well as the victories and easy days. Because no matter what I go through, He has a plan, He has a purpose, for every tear of joy and every tear of sorrow.
So have a listen, because some of these are pretttttty great! Enjoy their gifts from God!
How Can It Be ~ Lauren Daigle
Battles ~ the Afters
Beloved ~ Jordan Feliz
Let Go ~ Flame
I'll Keep On ~ NF
Hold On ~ TobyMac
Salt & Light ~ Lauren Daigle
Thank you for stopping by. I leave you with this...
God has a plan for you. Don't think for a second that He doesn't. You are important to Him. Whatever battle you are facing, whatever you are going through, it is just preparing you for the victory ahead. Keep your head up, your eyes fixed on Christ. Love you all. 💙
Pray fervently. Live passionately. Love everybody.
