Thank You, for being you

{Oftentimes I hop in here, write up a post, and then don’t share it. Sometimes I come back, read it, wonder why I never shared it, and post it then. This is one of those posts, one of those moments, years later.} 

We didn't date that long. And it wasn't all rainbows and unicorns. It was a lot of turmoil. A lot of heartache. A lot of tears shed, histories shared. Enlightened on each other's past mistakes, past heartaches. Past hurts and struggles. I feel like we shared everything. I did anyways. I had told you more than anyone else in my past dating life. I told you those things, because I was betting on us.

I was hoping we would make it. I want you to know that. I poured out my heart, my fears, my failures, my joys because I wanted you and I to finish life on this earth together. I imagined you being my next chapter. I imagined us with kids. I imagined us arguing, resolving issues, and fighting for each other. Fighting for our love and life together to last. I wanted God to want that for me, for us.

When we were together, you did the best you could. You were the best boyfriend you knew how to be. You loved as well as you knew how. You loved beyond love you'd ever felt in return before.

So thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for sticking with me while it lasted. Thank you for loving me as best you knew how.  We were overwhelmed with life. Stressors piling up around us burying us, and we forgot how to share those weights with each other. We slowly forgot how to talk to each other. I forgot how well you listen, and let everything build up inside until I was beyond return.

Sorry. Sorry that we weren't meant to be. Sorry that I wasn't the one for you. Sorry for how hard I made things. Sorry I realized a lot of big things a little too late. Sorry that I could not return the love you had shown for me.